Well, I normally make sure whenever I post something like this that I have a backup journal on hand to immediately post up just to keep something happier on the front page of my journal

Sadly I don't want to do that here and I apologise that the contents within aren't very pleasant

But it's kind of important that I share this and it's a journal that I've kind of had to get myself able to post this one

I've been a lot less present here online on FA or any of my other haunts of late, that fact is pretty plain and obvious by now that I'm just not here like I used to be

I've become a lot more withdrawn and prone to spending time just not doing anything, lacking the will or motivation to even perform menial stuff like replying to my inboxes or messages from friends

I've asked patience and you guys have been wonderful with your never ending support and well wishes, never asking questions about what is going on or why this had happened

And while I've spoken to only a handful of other people about this, I've kept this fairly quiet

But part of the advice I've been given is that I'm being hurtful to myself or that trying to suppress this is only making me worse

So, I've worked up enough nerve and want to tell you what happened to me and where we currently are

This is nothing physically wrong with me, and for the most, me and Jeri are okay, no one's dying or anything

But, several months ago, I was doxxed - earlier thought the term was catfished thanks to MTV but since corrected on this one - by someone who knew me online and had managed to find a way to track me down

And sadly this person did not take well to my immediate panic or distrust of someone who had stalked me so effectively

Thing was the person also brought a knife with them

And while I froze up, Jeri went right into them and they fought

She managed to subdue them, but she was cut up in the process and needed stitches, and still is showing signs of this today

The police got him and he's currently being processed through the justice meat grinder, which is another story

Just ever since, I've looked at my online presence, with no idea how this person tracked me down and only knowing it's because I was online that I had attracted them

It's well known that I keep cards tight to my chest and people often wonder about if they'll ever see more of me, pictures, my voice, where I live, just more of who I am than I'm willing to share online

And there is a lot I don't share or feel comfortable sharing that I'm sure many people feel similar at least to some degree?

But some people certainly don't let that stop their imagination, I've spoken with friends who actively joke they have big walls plastered with clues and string trying to find out more about me or my family, and I have to wonder if the air of mystery I've created had only attracted more unhealthy obsessions like this person who showed up in our drive waiting for us

I don't know what to do with that, the solution doesn't sound like just dumping my life story because it would only dredge up far worse for me to go into everything there

But, I can't think of where to go from here, I'm feeling less and less willing to communicate online because I keep wondering where the next stalker or killer shows up with a smile on their face or a knife in their hand when I answer it and that Jeri won't be there to protect me, that I can't protect myself

I'm going through therapy and I'm clinically depressed officially, with people very concerned over me right now, even where we had to convince some folks that my latest injuries haven't been self inflicted to avoid me being given further precautions

Its a long road here, but I guess every road starts somewhere and I hope that being more open with what happened and sharing this info will help you guys understand, and maybe whilst shocking you somewhat, at least will show I'm physically okay? At least it's not the not-knowing here that's at play

I just want to try and be me again and I'm going to do my best to get back to who I was, I wanna say thank you again to everyone for all your patience and everything you've extended in friendship and how much it's meant right now

I'm not sure how long this is going to take, maybe I'll never be the same, but I'll certainly try

Jeri's doing fine, almost scarily so for what happened to her, but I need to be strong for her as well as myself

I'm still here, still hanging on

And I'm not taking some asshat with a weapon as grounds to lay down and give up, not yet, not without a fight

I'm not sure how much more I want to talk on this right now, but, maybe another day, for now, this is step one