Like I mentioned before, it looks pretty good so far. I think you just need to talk alittle bit more about the main character is all. And as for a story title, how about something like "Heavy Revelations" or "Hefty Insights"?

hmmm.... perhaps. I may wait until I put up the whole story to see if people can come up with a title that better suits the plot. Not that your ideas are bad, but I think it'd be better if you saw the thing as a whole, you know?

By the way, I did add a more in depth description of the main character, Zayana. Just check the submission out again, I changed the file

Its been a long while since I saw anything from you and I'll have to read your story very soon.