Last night I had a talk with my step-dad and he told me things that really got me thinking, I have been holding myself back for too long, I have let myself get unhealthy but I plan to fix that, I already went a walk around my neighborhood and worked a bit of a sweat, now I just need to be more productive and start eating better.

But I also realized, I been denying the reality of my life and I think I found out why; cause I have a great deal of self-hate and wasn't being honest with myself, cause when it seems I'm changing my routine for the better, it doesn't take long to go back to my old routine, guess I just wanted to change my reality so bad, I subconsciously began to lie to myself so I can avoid the hard truth, and that has made me think; maybe I'm not the good guy that I think I am and what I want to be, I tell others not to do certain things that I do myself, and now that I see it, it's just made me feel like I become the thing I hate the most; a hypocrite, if I'm going to tell people that they shouldn't do something, regardless of what it is, I need to practice what I preach and try to set a better example, mostly for myself.

However, I seem to have come to believe that I don't see anything special about myself, others tell me they see it, but for some unexplained reason I can't seem to see it and have come to think that perhaps the guy they say they see was probably never there to begin with, so on a personal level. What do you think of my hand written work, and you can be as critical as you want, cause if there's something I don't know I need to work on, just say it, don't spare my feelings.

But most importantly, I'm also going to ask all the people who are watching me or have come to know about me, and I want you to be completely honest with me; what is it that you see in me that makes me even worth your time?