This year for me, my second EF, was eye opening to say the least.

- ART SHOW -
This was my first time exhibiting my artwork (apart from a few Ex-tempore) to such a large public.
Up until now I didn't consider myself as an artist, but just someone that tries to fit into a community that revolves around creativity. The last few months were very stressful as I constantly thought that I'm not gonna make enough pieces for the art show. To a certain extent I was really disappointed because I couldn't keep up with other artists with the amount of content - wise. On the other hand I was really excited to see how far I've gotten since I started drawing more seriously, if people like my works and if I can measure up to the challenge.
The first impression I've gotten when I entered the art show for the first time was “I’m not good enough” and “I can’t measure up to these people not even in my dreams” and then I was virtually speaking, “struck by a bus” when I got to see where my table was. It wasn’t a table! I’ve got a panel! In that singular moment my world was capsized. Not only I felt like I’ve finally got a chance to show my works, bur I felt like I was part of the art community, like I was considered an ARTIST. I’ve even got the ribbon ARTIST. In all of that I felt like crying. It was hard to hold back and “be cool”, but now I kinda regret it. Now I’ve embraced the fact that for some people I can be measured as an ARTIST and I’m very humbled.
I prepared my frames at home in such a way that the table I was going to get was full. Problem is, that the table has less space than a panel. So mine was kinda “empty”. I didn’t know and still don’t, if it would be a better solution to ask for a table again instead. Thank god that I’ve brought with me a larger piece just in case.

- PEOPLE -
Same as two years ago, I still have to learn that this is not an event to spend some quality time with your loved ones and close friends but an event to forge new ones and strengthen the bond to far-away friends. I’m still hurt by that, but it’s my goddamn fault for not learning the first time.
I’ve spent some more time in the artist lounge, and got to see the artist I admire doing their thing, getting to know some people and doing some trades. I also got to kick myself in the butt and try socializing. How did I get this awkward around strangers? Why don’t I have the strength to approach people I’m really curious about and would like to be friends with? Maybe because I still have this silly concept that I can’t be friends with people that are better than me. Goddamnit Eldy.

- PANELS -
This year I attended to some VERY interesting panels, and missed some that I really wanted to go TT^TT

Live model drawing, hosted by scale I’ve missed it because I was helping set up rivalmit ‘s panels at the art show. I really wanted to do that since I never got the chance at doing that. But oh well, it’s my fault for not looking at the time.

Basic animation tutorial hosted by JeanWoof I also missed this one :/

Character and creature design hosted by this year’s guests of honor Qarrezel The panel was awesome! I normally don’t think about this stuff when I’m drawing, but I’ll keep this in mind from now on. The panel was about how colors, shapes, shiluettes can shape a character, give it personality, and make it more “stand out” without a text description and live acting in fursuit. I’ve got some feedback on my character Eldnsay and how to make her look like her personality. This panel also helped me design the dragon part of her, which I will upload shortly.

Creating sculptures hosted by rivalmit . A nice and educational panel about how she creates’ her sculptures and what were her findings about sculpting in general. I pretty much learned all that from her already, but it was nice to see a concise summary. The panel lacked some crowd engaging, but I don’t expect that form artist since it’s not their job to do that. I really liked the part about body language and expressions.
Furry introduction to big data hosted by Skyhawk. This panel was very interesting because I got some insight to what’s really going on in the art community, what was the demand and what were the rarities. There was also some interesting correlations between species and genders. I have to remind myself to ask for the distance map of the panel. It’s really worth looking at.

Fursonas: types and stereotypes hosted by stigmata Oh boy I was surprised. I expected a quick and funny commentary about personality types and animal of choice, but this panel was SO DEEP. Maybe the best panel of all EF this year. Stigmata is such a nice and transparent guy, I really like how he opened up to everyone and wasn’t ashamed to point out his flaws and problems. The pictures and findings about fursonas were really cute and kinda true. The whole panel was about an hour long, but then the Q&A came in …. And that’s when the fun started. We talked about Christianity and sexuality. Something I never imagined to witness at a furry convention. Then Skyhawk came by and there was a nice comparison between subjective findings of Stigmata and the Objective findings of SkyHawk regarding species and gender. I wish next year they make a shared panel :3

This panel also gave me a lot of insight about my character. I always thought my character’s design was too rushed and raw and unoriginal. But I guess it speaks about me. I never noticed how the grey overall is consistent with the fact that I change colors when I’m around different people. I tend to adjust my personality a bit depending on what kind of person I’m talking with, same as the grays pick up a shade of their surroundings (bounce light theory). I also noticed how my design is full of circles and next to none sharp angles, representing the fact that I don’t want to stand out and I’m trying to fit other’s needs, never asking for mine to be dealt with. Although there is a change in my design going on as I change myself. I’d like to see more stripes for some time now, and I didn’t think of why until now. This introspective I’ve gotten in this panel mixes up well with the outrospective I’ve got from the creature and character design panel. In this way, I thing EF23 changed a bit my view of the world and I’m really grateful for it.

- OTHER STUFF I NEED TO IMPROVE -
Gotta get over the “wait for other people so we can do something together” stuff. Because I ended up hungry most days.
Gotta get over the “meet my fave artist” anxiety
Gotta accept people accept me as an artist now, and stop whining about not being good enough and do something about it.
Spend more time at the artist lounge
Dance more

Thank you so much akulatraxas wolfgryph for having us after EF and showing berlin around. It was a blast being with you.

Be happy. Be confident.

Thanks for reading <3