Or perhaps not a guy from the general vicinity of Betelgeuse.

That would prolly be a bad idea too o.O

That would indeed be a high risk mission...

Absolutely.

"Huston, we have a problem. Yeah, apparently Sabby's stoned again..."

That's one thing that kinda bothers me, I can't enjoy my vegetables anymore...Everytime I try, I see Eben's face and want to blame myself, so I've been too sober for my own good lately...Dunno how to fix that problem, though. It'd probably be different if I had done it against my will or something, but as it was I just chose what was more important to me, which was him.

And now that I've had my temporary lapse of sanity, my hysterical cry, my bitter-at-the-world week and my acceptance phase, I think I'm back on a good track.

I'm really relieved to hear that you are recovering so rapidly. I was worried that you might attempt the impossible, but didn't think that it was my place to try to discourage you... Good to have you back! Time really does heal even terrible wounds, and in a few months to several months, you'll be able to enjoy your favorite vegetable again.

Getting back into your art will be another good medicine for you.

I've been known to take little sabbaticals from life for awhile, but yep, I think I'm back!

Speaking of Art, I'm doing something that I think is really cool, at least...I'm turning one of my walls into a Mural of my art. I'm turning my room into MY room, heheh. It's a fun little project...

Please consider this suggestion: Paint your mural on 4'x8'sheets of 1/4" plywood or masonite! Or even heavy cardboard available free behind any store that sells refrigerators. (Be sure to use a primer first coat to seal the surface.) You will move someday, and it would be a shame to lose all that art and all those memories. Your landlord will just paint over it, no matter how good it is. This way, you can take it with you, sell it, or give it away. Anything is better than the otherwise certain and ultimate eventual destruction of the landlords paint brush!

sounds like you decided that you'll live through it. glad to hear that, as sad as the occasion may be. my best wishes go to you.

Thanks. *hugs* I just can't sit and mope all the time...It's killing me. Even when I said I wasn't moping, I was moping...I finally got the closure I needed from him. And while I feel stupid for choosing naivety and blindness all along for him, I did the best I could and it wasn't enough...So it really wasn't my fault, but his choices and actions, that landed us here and there's nothing I can do about it.

So I just let it go.

funny, ive heard of South Africa...odd that it doesnt exsist to you just cuz he left with good reasons to.

Wow, he was right...You really don't know when to let things go, do you?

The thing is, nobody (and I do mean NObody) who saw both sides of the situation unfold seems to think it's my fault. Still, I claim my half of the responsibility because I feel guilty for what I've done, even if it isn't much in the scheme of things. I did some schemey things but come on...You don't end a marriage for shit like that. There's more to it, and I've said that all along.

I find it kinda funny that you won't address anything I reply to you with. You want to take a jab at me when I write my journals, but you won't back your words up when your faced with another side, my side. I guess it's sometimes easier to stay blind when you want something, isn't it? Lord knows I did it long enough. And you know exactly what I mean.

Choose your battles wisely, and never fight the truth...That's a battle that only hurts you if you win.

ok, fine...i think you're so full of shit, it makes me wanna puke. There, you happy now?

Well, don't hit your head on the toilet on your way down...I'd hate to think I was accused of murder on top of everything else :)

You know, I've tried to be nice to you, really I have. Even when you threatened me, I backed down because your Eb's friend. Even when I thought he might be cheating on me with you, I didn't say a word. But he's not here right now and, frankly, you fall into the rare category of people I could care less about.

I don't know what your fucking problem with me is, but you need to get yourself over it. If you got a bone with me then just pick it, but throwing insults and not explaining yourself just makes you look...well...stupid.

like you, huh bitch?!

I just managed to get you turned around to the point where you're resorting to name calling. Don't worry too much about me looking stupid, you're doing a great job of making me look like gold here. Thanks!

it really doesnt matter how much you tell that pathetic sob story of your's, I know what happened, and as far as im concerned, you're nothing to me.

If that were the case, then why are you coming to *my* page and acting like your give-a-damn's not quite busted yet? You really should stop backing yourself into corners.

It doesn't seem like I'm the problem here, again.

And you say you know what happened, I'd LOVE to know what you know that I apparently don't, but all you can do is argue, bitch and moan, and point fingers that you're unwilling to back up.

I'll gladly face any accusation you toss my way, just try me, butterfly.

*pets* Hey, you know what? You need a mate like mine. x3 Seems to be permanently fixed to one place, and seems to think he can't live without you, no matter how hard you try to chase him off *pokes her dragon* O_o Men really confuse me. x3

Boys are so silly! X)

I've had a couple of guys like that...I thought Eben was, until I found out he was leaving two days before poofing on me -.- He fucked my world forty ways from over, and I was left holding the pieces together on a frayed and fragile thread. Apparently I can REALLY pick 'em.

It just sucks that I've spent years and years holding this guy up on a pedestal, nobody else ever had a real chance with me because I gave myself to him years ago...It sucks that he had to be the one to shatter my reality.

What really sucks is that I still love him, and always will.

And, it also sucks that this will be my third divorce at age 23...I knew better than to get married again, and if it had been anyone else then no way, but blindly I believed that he was the one.

Aaaaand the fact that I'm stuck without food or a phone kinda sucks too...LOL.

Hey...Your man got a brother? LOL ;)

Actually, he does. x3 Only problem is, his brother -just- got married xD

Aaaah, curses mine luck! ;) Lol.

You know, I'm really not looking forward to going back to the dating world. It's like playing Sorry, and sliiiiiiding back on the board...You're bound to knock a few pegs off on the way back.

Well, where's the fun when you don't know what's coming?

I don't really know the situation or anything, but I just wanna say one thing... It really tells you something about someone if they've had that many husbands... ;)

Well, if I would stop dating 20-something-year-old virgins that really don't know what they want, it really wouldn't be so bad...LOL. If it were anyone other than Eben, I wouldn't have married them. So, I'm feeling a bit ill right now at the fact that he married me then tried to disappear with two days notice, without telling me he was planning to go.

There's a level of "dirty" that you should never go with the person you claim to love.

But...Yeah. I'm actually never going to get married again. Last time there was an "Unless Eben ever comes over" clause, but this time I'm setting it in stone. I'm tired of having to start my life over every year or so >.<

Well, I'll be 20 in May, and I'm a virgin. But I know what I want. I think your perspective on guys is off, as are your views on what happened. I'm sorry, but without seeing his side of the story I can't say I buy what you're saying. For all I know, he might've left you cause... hmm... cause he was tired of you mooching off him, or something. Not saying that's why, but just an example.

Check your FA inbox for my letter; I think that getting yourself out of debt may be quicker than you anticipate.

Just thought i'd post the last update Steel sent me. Basically, she has had her phone cut off, and currently has limited access to the internet. She is anticipating having high speed internet sometime this month. So, she hasn't disappeared, and should be back soon ^_^

Thanks for the info. I was getting worried.