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You ever feel like a bad person?
8 years ago
I've been feeling that way a lot. I keep remembering things I've said or done, or even things I say and do now, and just vehemently judge myself. I know I have good qualities but the bad have been sticking out to me so much that it outweighs them. I keep feeling like I shouldn't talk to anyone, I shouldn't ever be in a relationship, I should just stay far away from everyone. I just feel like I always screw up one way or another and make it so it'd have been better if someone never met me. So many times I try to make friends on this site and it all goes to shit because of me. All of my relationships have ended poorly, yet again because of me.
This isn't a "boohoo poor me" thing, I just need this off my chest. These thoughts of hatred towards myself have been plaguing me for months. I'm getting so depressed, I'm having more and more panic attacks. I know I have good qualities. I know I can be smart, funny, and kind. But I can also be naive as all hell, annoying, and selfish. I've been trying desperately to better myself but nothing seems to be changing. I've fallen into a pit.
Maybe I just need some space. Take some time to reflect. If I do, I'll still be around FA favoriting and even commenting. I think I just need to step away from instant messaging my friends and acquaintances until I learn what's needed in order to better myself. I might not, I might just try and power through it. Fot now though I just feel so crushed. I hope to God I can fix this...
this is karma for doing such things, that until today I can never forget, sometimes i feel like I deserve these misfortunes as a form of punishment to clear my karma but still you can never wash away the things that I have done and regretted doing.
Stay strong!