Hey everyone. Rather than summing up everything that's gone wrong this year I think I'd rather try and focus my energy on how I can get out of the mess I'm in and try and focus on the future I'd like to have.
So far ever since joining the full-on furry scene I've been to twenty-four furry conventions (mostly RainFurrest, VancouFUR, MidWest Fur Fest and Further Confusion) and yet over the past five years almost every con has gone the same way - (with the exception of a couple BLFCs). That is - I'm lonely, I'd like to socialize with people and get to know them better, but at a convention there's so many people one can't possibly choose. That means I've gone towards trying to get to know certain fursuiters. To this date, I still only know a handful of fursuiters by their real names and I have yet to actually hang out with any of them. I mean, we've hung out in our suits, but when it comes to getting food, going out and doing general life things, or even anything around the convention, I'm always left alone.
It would just be nice to be a part of a group of furs who might call out, text or message me: "Hey Friendly, we're going out to get food. Wanna come?" or "Hi Friendly! We're heading up your way for a convention/travels, would you like to meet up/hang out?"
You know, just so I'm not going mad from near-total solitude. The only thing I dread when I leave a con is that I won't get to see anyone for months. Talking online is nice, but it only goes so far. I really want to travel and visit my friends, but it's my own doing that I haven't been able to this year. I took a gamble and lost, and now I have to pay for it.

On top of which, you know I bought a new fursuit. I'm seriously thinking that was a mistake too. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore him and love how he looks and feels, but what's the point of having a fursuit if you can't go and visit your friends once in a while?

Now on top of ALL that, my current employment has stated that my ONE time off-request for the whole year (MFF) won't be approved because absolutely nobody is allowed time off for November-December. "That wouldn't be fair to everyone else" - well it's not exactly fair to me either. The one time of year I can actually get a chance to see most of my friends and hopefully make new ones, and I'm either going to be stuck working - or looking for a new job if I do decide to go anyway. *sigh*

I long to experience the joys and pleasures to be had in this life... but right now I'm just feeling dejected, without much hope. Sad thing is I've been feeling this way for the past year or so.
All I can hope for is that someday I can pursue a dream in life, and actually live a life where I can visit my friends, we can hang out, and we can enjoy ourselves in each others' company.