Man, this week has really, really not been my week. I've had nothing but fear, hatred and misery at every turn.

Tuesday I lost my temper for 5 seconds at work(Gaithersburg). I was the only guy on info desk duty, and I had a line of at least 8 annoyed customers, each of whom needed my help immediately. Well, this mother and her daughter wanted to sign up for a program I knew nothing about, so I asked for their library card. They didn't have it. I pounded the desk in frustration. Hard. I got written up for that, and now I'm scared I might lose my job.

Friday I biked 9.5 miles to Silver Spring. I made my best time...only to find I was actually scheduled for today. So I basically got nothing but exercise.

But today was by far the worst. My own mother backed me into a corner this morning and tried to coerce me into trimming my hair. I told her I liked it long. She kept trying, saying I would have trouble getting a job, that I was acting "eccentric," and that I should do it for her birthday. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that, that she was scaring me, and that I didn't think it was her business or anyone else's. I made her cry. I still don't feel all that bad though. Franklly, I don't think she's concerned for my work life at all. I think she's just scared I'm gay.

And then came work. This jerk accused me of being a "racist cracker" for the crime of telling him not to use racial slurs against white people sitting next to him. We had to call the police and explain to him that he coudn't do that. I had to write the incident report. (Woo-hoo!)

And in general, I've had to struggle against the fear that nothing I do matters, that I'm always going to be forced to conform to make other people happy, and thus, I would like a really long hug.