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Time to be Serious for a Moment.
8 years ago
i wanted to take an opportunity to be serious and just use my journal as like a personal journal for a moment. im not making this to get attention cause i dont want it. enough furries do that and frankly its why i think the fandom is deteriorating. im making this journal for me and for me alone and im allowing people to comment their thoughts.
for most of my life i have always been bullies, neglected or tossed to the side, and for the better part of my recent interactions in the furry fandom been labeled a monster, sex addict and drama llama to name a few repeats. this would upset alot of people and send them into a rage, but for me i dont really care anymore. my true character will never be displayed out for everyone to see, but only a select few seen him and embrace and love him. i embrace this demon that murrsuiters and most furries call me simply cause they either never took the time to try and get to know me or to them im not worth their efforts and time to talk to. their decision and they have that right to do so. just as much as i do for calling them out and being the std that can never cure. to quote an eminem song "i am what you say i am" and i go by that for no matter how much effort and time one puts into bettering ones appearance in social statures they wont ever get rid of the label or title the cool and popular ones put on them. so i mainly go with what they call me and just have fun with it. but those who took the time to know me and got the rare chance to see my true character have never left cause they feel safe physically and emotionally with me because no matter what i was and continue to always be there for them. putting even my own health, well being and job on the line to help and make them smile. as much as people want to try and tell me to change im not going to. its why i became an emt and pursuing that again as well as working out to be Fire Fighter. i love helping people and making them smile when they are so down emotionally that they feel like nobody values them or cares about them. i have and continue to walk that path. day in and day out i often wonder if my existence truly means anything and if i should even exist at all. i battle depression on a day to day basis that has left me at times so closed off that my own mate gets excluded cause i dont want her to see me in that state. i dont seek or want popularity or fame in this world or fandom, just to show my creativity and share it with others. isnt that what being a furry is about? sharing the creativity we all bring to the table and letting the world see it and enjoy it. entertaining and making people smile and kids laugh is why i fursuit and go to cons majority of the time. the rest is to enjoy my time there and see friends and maybe meet new ones. fame and popularity only corrupt and corruption destroys people and fandoms.
i may not bring great art and porn to the fandom or make breathtaking fursuits, but it seems thats all everyone does anymore and they do it to get noticed. i make art to bring my ideas to life and to tell stories both based off fantasy and reality. im not perfect nor will i ever be. i have flaws and problems that many you may think you know but you dont know anything that i truly face and fight with every night. like Zoroark, i let you see what i want you to see so you can go and mark me as a Monster and gain followers. it amuses me and only makes me want to continue the act. a dragon has two sides: the one it really is at the core and the one it wants society to see. im not gonna try to keep on the fight and crusade to clear my name of any negative stereotypes and titles i may have in this fandom. its a waste of my time and energy. this fandom doesnt pay bills cause i actually have a job for that and going to get a 2nd one to make it by. i dont rely on going to furmeets anymore cause it has proved to be pointless for all the people are the same. they call you friend to your face but then go behind your back and label you a monster or someone that cant be trusted. yet not once will say anything you did wrong to your face so you can actually apologize and clarify things. its easier for them to run and play victim than to be an adult and solve the problem. i have noticed that people only want those that share their ideals and propaganda around them, and if you disagree with them then you are marked as a Nazi or you are siding with their so called enemy. what ever happened to agree to disagree or maybe just sitting down and talking with someone like an adult and getting knowledge and understanding? are we that far gone that we are reverting to salem witch hunt mentality and just executing those that we feel are evil without even hearing both sides. if so, then we arent a community at all. we left high school a while ago so should the teenage antics and bull shit that was there.
i locked away my compassionate, loving and nurturing character behind several doors and have just let this demon appear for the sake that thats what people want to see. some make it to see the real me and they have stayed. saying i have this aura about me that makes them feel safe and secure. i dont hold back what i feel or think about topics, feelings or people. its called being honest and straight forward. if you cant handle that then thats not my problem and maybe you should reflect on what you want from yourself and not from me. im not gonna blow smoke up your ass and say you are right when you arent. if you are being stupid and are dead wrong guess what im gonna tell you. not to embarrass you, but in the hopes that you will maybe seek clarification and learn from what i have to say as much as i learn from what you have to say. im not a sheep or lamb and just follow. im also a leader who will follow someone who i feel is worthy of following and has the intellect to lead as well as the bravery to say they are wrong and adapt new ideas.
i have my own views and definitions of certain things and will pursue them. if thats not your thing fine. go find what you want, but dont put me down for going after what i want in either a friend, pet, submissive, slave or mate. thats what makes us all unique. we strive for essentially the same thing, but we have our own interpretation of that thing that makes us happy. in the end thats the goal right? to be happy. live a happy and peaceful life without being judged. i have seen furries say they dont like being judged based off gender or body type, yet they turn around and have the nerve to judge someone based off their body and whether or not their sona is smashable. this is someones creation that took them a while to not create backstory and personality wise, but they designed it to look how they want it to look. nobody has the right to decide what is sexy or attractive, unless you plan on dating said person then you should keep your mouth shut. even then shouldnt a relationship be based off how one treats you and supports you and not on how they look in real life or how their sona looks? i have seen and met some drop dead gorgeous people that turned out to be straight dicks and bitches. i have met people that have amazing personalities and are absolute a blast to be around, but yet society says they dont fall into what beauty and sexy is. everyone has beauty. everyone is sexy. its up to them to determine that themselves. nobody else has that right. appearances can always change, but your soul cant. you are who you are.
i have always wanted a chance. a real chance. if you choose to give me that chance and see my real self then you wont ever leave. if you choose not to then thats fine, but dont bitch and whine about the demon you encounter. you want to see heaven, prove yourself in hell.
for most of my life i have always been bullies, neglected or tossed to the side, and for the better part of my recent interactions in the furry fandom been labeled a monster, sex addict and drama llama to name a few repeats. this would upset alot of people and send them into a rage, but for me i dont really care anymore. my true character will never be displayed out for everyone to see, but only a select few seen him and embrace and love him. i embrace this demon that murrsuiters and most furries call me simply cause they either never took the time to try and get to know me or to them im not worth their efforts and time to talk to. their decision and they have that right to do so. just as much as i do for calling them out and being the std that can never cure. to quote an eminem song "i am what you say i am" and i go by that for no matter how much effort and time one puts into bettering ones appearance in social statures they wont ever get rid of the label or title the cool and popular ones put on them. so i mainly go with what they call me and just have fun with it. but those who took the time to know me and got the rare chance to see my true character have never left cause they feel safe physically and emotionally with me because no matter what i was and continue to always be there for them. putting even my own health, well being and job on the line to help and make them smile. as much as people want to try and tell me to change im not going to. its why i became an emt and pursuing that again as well as working out to be Fire Fighter. i love helping people and making them smile when they are so down emotionally that they feel like nobody values them or cares about them. i have and continue to walk that path. day in and day out i often wonder if my existence truly means anything and if i should even exist at all. i battle depression on a day to day basis that has left me at times so closed off that my own mate gets excluded cause i dont want her to see me in that state. i dont seek or want popularity or fame in this world or fandom, just to show my creativity and share it with others. isnt that what being a furry is about? sharing the creativity we all bring to the table and letting the world see it and enjoy it. entertaining and making people smile and kids laugh is why i fursuit and go to cons majority of the time. the rest is to enjoy my time there and see friends and maybe meet new ones. fame and popularity only corrupt and corruption destroys people and fandoms.
i may not bring great art and porn to the fandom or make breathtaking fursuits, but it seems thats all everyone does anymore and they do it to get noticed. i make art to bring my ideas to life and to tell stories both based off fantasy and reality. im not perfect nor will i ever be. i have flaws and problems that many you may think you know but you dont know anything that i truly face and fight with every night. like Zoroark, i let you see what i want you to see so you can go and mark me as a Monster and gain followers. it amuses me and only makes me want to continue the act. a dragon has two sides: the one it really is at the core and the one it wants society to see. im not gonna try to keep on the fight and crusade to clear my name of any negative stereotypes and titles i may have in this fandom. its a waste of my time and energy. this fandom doesnt pay bills cause i actually have a job for that and going to get a 2nd one to make it by. i dont rely on going to furmeets anymore cause it has proved to be pointless for all the people are the same. they call you friend to your face but then go behind your back and label you a monster or someone that cant be trusted. yet not once will say anything you did wrong to your face so you can actually apologize and clarify things. its easier for them to run and play victim than to be an adult and solve the problem. i have noticed that people only want those that share their ideals and propaganda around them, and if you disagree with them then you are marked as a Nazi or you are siding with their so called enemy. what ever happened to agree to disagree or maybe just sitting down and talking with someone like an adult and getting knowledge and understanding? are we that far gone that we are reverting to salem witch hunt mentality and just executing those that we feel are evil without even hearing both sides. if so, then we arent a community at all. we left high school a while ago so should the teenage antics and bull shit that was there.
i locked away my compassionate, loving and nurturing character behind several doors and have just let this demon appear for the sake that thats what people want to see. some make it to see the real me and they have stayed. saying i have this aura about me that makes them feel safe and secure. i dont hold back what i feel or think about topics, feelings or people. its called being honest and straight forward. if you cant handle that then thats not my problem and maybe you should reflect on what you want from yourself and not from me. im not gonna blow smoke up your ass and say you are right when you arent. if you are being stupid and are dead wrong guess what im gonna tell you. not to embarrass you, but in the hopes that you will maybe seek clarification and learn from what i have to say as much as i learn from what you have to say. im not a sheep or lamb and just follow. im also a leader who will follow someone who i feel is worthy of following and has the intellect to lead as well as the bravery to say they are wrong and adapt new ideas.
i have my own views and definitions of certain things and will pursue them. if thats not your thing fine. go find what you want, but dont put me down for going after what i want in either a friend, pet, submissive, slave or mate. thats what makes us all unique. we strive for essentially the same thing, but we have our own interpretation of that thing that makes us happy. in the end thats the goal right? to be happy. live a happy and peaceful life without being judged. i have seen furries say they dont like being judged based off gender or body type, yet they turn around and have the nerve to judge someone based off their body and whether or not their sona is smashable. this is someones creation that took them a while to not create backstory and personality wise, but they designed it to look how they want it to look. nobody has the right to decide what is sexy or attractive, unless you plan on dating said person then you should keep your mouth shut. even then shouldnt a relationship be based off how one treats you and supports you and not on how they look in real life or how their sona looks? i have seen and met some drop dead gorgeous people that turned out to be straight dicks and bitches. i have met people that have amazing personalities and are absolute a blast to be around, but yet society says they dont fall into what beauty and sexy is. everyone has beauty. everyone is sexy. its up to them to determine that themselves. nobody else has that right. appearances can always change, but your soul cant. you are who you are.
i have always wanted a chance. a real chance. if you choose to give me that chance and see my real self then you wont ever leave. if you choose not to then thats fine, but dont bitch and whine about the demon you encounter. you want to see heaven, prove yourself in hell.
