*WARNING: Long walls of text and venting*

Where to start.....and I'll try to be as clear as possible. Long story short -  flint-flareon and I are no longer mates. That's a surprise, right? After how many years that we've been together, you'd think all's well. Nope.

Now let me explain some things that happened since 2008 - since  flint-flareon and I became mates. We've only had sex one or twice and one or two frotting or masturbation since we've been together (sorry about it being TMI) and we didn't really spent a lot together like other normal couples would. Occasionally, I tried to set up "dates" of us two to spend time together, but afterwards, it was back to same old things. Anyways, let's start from that year.

I was in Florida and he was in California. We communicate via online at the time. At some point, he moved in with his sister and her family in a military base in Germany. He stayed there for about a year. He saved up money to fly down here and move in with me. I was living in Tampa, Florida at that time. It was stressful, especially since we also had a 3rd roommate to accommodate (who came from Oregon). Kilij/Flint was trying to find a job, but no luck so I and our 3rd roommate had to pay for everything. Things happened and at one point when a friend from Canada came to visit, I had a nervous breakdown about finances and how to manage things. The part I was surprised was when Kilij/Flint just went out. After a couple hours have past, I got worried and went out. I found him walking down a sidewalk, away from our apartment. He was depressed and he couldn't do much to help with the situation. I comforted him and told him that we'll try to make it through and apologized about my breakdown earlier. After that, we went back home and we try to work things out.

About a year later Kilij/Flint and I moved to Fort Myers, FL to reside in my mom's condo unit; it was cheaper than where we were. A bit later, Draco moved in with us from wherever his stepmom lives (and he didn't like it there). Draco was  flint-flareon's best and childhood friend and has social security money (due to his Aspergers and other conditions). I have 2 jobs by then and Kilij/Flint was looking for one and we were trying to maintain rent and bills. Kilij/Flint does have a side "job" as an audio editor for a fan-based MLP + Dr Who crossover; it was going well at first, but then it seemed to have got caught into a snag. According to Kilij/Flint, he told me that the one in charge had some emotional and mental issues and had to seek help and thus, delay things. Now the whole time in Florida for about 5-6 years, he still hasn't found a job. When I asked, he told me that there is a sex offender matching his name and was the reason he couldn't get a job anywhere. I've been paying for rent, bills, my debts and loans and thankfully, Draco was able to help pay portion of Kilij/Flint's rent and occasionally the bills and food. It went slow and steady for about 5 years later, but not much of income and profit. Kilij and Draco played games together and such while I was in the other room and just playing by myself most of the time. It was quite secluded and lonely for me. I have adopted 2 cats to help with company. I was still working for Disney and my mom's dental office. At some point,  flint-flareon told me that an online friend of his was able to help him become a trucker. I was hesitant about it since I heard being a trucker is a tough job and Kilij/Flint had some emotional issues; eventually I supported him and even asked about when I should take him to his interview and such (I've taken him to get new prescription glasses that his online friend gave him money for). After a month or two, I asked how it was going. Kilij/Flint said that his friend suddenly "disappear" and hasn't contacted him since. During the time living in my mom's condo, I was given a almost new computer from my mom and gave my laptop to Kilij/Flint. I went through at least 2 laptops and now I got a desktop. My previous laptops were given to my mate. And somehow, each one keeps breaking down slowly with him.

HIs sister and her family and his mom and her new husband (Kilij/Flint's parents were divorced) came over to Disney World and we came too. They wanted to meet me and we had a great time together and I gave them presents (Disney related, obviously). They were very happy with me and for Kilij/Flint to have me. At some point later, Kilij/Flint and I went back to Disney World and met with another fur and also a good Floridian friend. We hanged out and had a good time. It was great to meet one of my online friends in person. ^__^

Now, a little of more about our relationship. I was totally fine of my mate to mingle with other guys and he told me he was fine with me doing the same, so we have an open relationship. I made sure to tell him if I ever go with another guy, I'd introduce him t my mate and tell him if we're going to anything together. That really never happened since I was kept secluded in the condo and didn't met anyone local. It was until late 2016 that I started to get out of my "rock" and try to get back into the furry fandom more and start socializing. I met some local furs around the area and went to my first furmeet. What's funny was that I had to start that furmeet up. It turned out great and my mate was with me at that time. I've asked him how it was to him and he said something along the lines of, "It was all right." So I was getting into being more active in the fandom, while Kilij/Flint and Draco just kept to themselves.

Earlier this year in 2017, my mom asked me if we can find another place to live. The reason is that the condo maintenance was getting very high and mom's got a lot of debt to pay. I was hoping to move near Orlando in a few more years (saving up) and work at Disney World, but due to this, that wasn't going to happen. I told the news to Kilij/Flint and Draco and they weren't happy about it. I had looked for housing around cities near Orlando and the price for rent is a bit high. I was pretty much trying to see what would accommodate us 3 and my cats. Then a good friend,  MojaveKoyote , offered his house for us 3 to live in in Colorado. I told this to Kilij/Flint and Draco and they weren't thrilled of it. They'd rather stay here. I weighed out my available options that I have at the time and after some thinking, decided to take up the offer that Mojave gave me. Due to limited expenses, I had to give up one of my cats; thankfully, one of my coworkers was willing to take him, so at least he's got a good home. I took the other cat, Sam, with us; he had been around longer. My mom and sisters were so happy that I am moving and helping mom's situation; they supported my choice.

So I had to do a lot of planning and preparation, including renting a U-haul trailer to help bring stuff with us. It was a long drive and very taxing on my body, but I was determine to make sure we get there and help my mom with her situation. Colorado is a new experience and lifestyle, compare to Florida. I was able to be transferred to another Disney Store here so I can still work for the company. Due to sleeping schedules, Kilij/Flint and Draco resided in the lower bedroom of the house while I resided in the other upstair bedroom. I was welcomed with the furry community here and I tried to introduce Kilij/Flint and Draco to them. Once we had settled in, I continue to spent time meeting and hanging out with local furs while Kilij/Flint and Draco both remain secluded in the downstairs bedroom in Mojave's house. I tried to get my mate to come and socialize, but he didn't seem much thrilled. One time, I saw him thrilled when he saw that I got a new camera (as a belated birthday gift) so that I can make furry youtube videos with; he wanted to play with it and be my cameraman. I was fine with it, but I kept the camera in my room. Anyways, living in Colorado was going well for me, but since Kilij/Flint and Draco kept to themselves, they didn't tell me much about their thoughts. They didn't tell me anything bad about living here after we moved here in July. Kilij still couldn't land a job and said the reason why is due to low credit score. I didn't think many jobs would require credit score unless you work for a bank. It was rather odd.

In late Sept/early Oct, I was told that if we can find another place by January; nothing bad, it was more of new mateships with the owner and I understand of privacy and such. When I told the news to them,  flint-flareon remain quiet while Draco said that's too short of notice. If I recall correctly, 1 month is the minimum notification allow to relocate/move. I explained that we got a few months to find another place and it's plenty of time. I heard him muttered, "Two months is still too short." I figured he's not happy and didn't want to correct him on the miscount of months. Anyways, I did some searchings and sadly, many places are a bit pricey if we want all 3 of us to live together. With Kilij/Flint having no job, me with 2 jobs, and Draco with social security money, it sadly wouldn't add up to keep up with rent, especially since I also have loans and debts to pay each month. Draco did told me that he could live with his grandpa as last resort. I did some searching around once more, and this time, I got some of the furries in the community to also help me. I found one where Kilij/Flint and I can move in with, but sadly not Draco and not my cat. I kept that option available as I continue looking around. One of my coworkers was willing to take Sam if needed to. After looking around and no other luck, I told Kilij/Flint and Draco what I manage to find. They weren't happy about it, but they went with it since they didn't have anything to share. After a bit, I decided that the one whom we're moving in with was the best option, plus, the fur may be able to help us find jobs (I'm losing my other job by next year) due to connections. Draco asked if I can take him to Arizona to live with his grandpa and I was fine with it.

On Oct. 16th, early morning, I helped Draco pack his stuff into my car and he wanted to take my cat. Kilij/Flint said that he'd rather let Sam be with someone. However, due to the stuff packed into my car, there was not enough room for Kilij/Flint to come with us. I did wanted him to come, but Draco didn't want that and have to pay for shipping some of his stuff over. It was a 13 hour drive and I stayed at his grandpa's place. Unfortunately, it was so hot and dry that I couldn't sleep. I ended up only getting 2-3 hours of rest and I was sweating buckets in the room I was sleeping in. I was also worried about my mate. So I told Draco that I was going to go back now and hope Kilij/Flint was okay. I did contacted a fur whom he became friends with Kilij/Flint to go hang out with him while I was gone, but I still want to make sure my mate was all right. It is a big change since he and his best friend are no longer living together.

I got back the next day and try to rest. I ended up getting a chest cold due to the lack of enough sleep and excessive weather exposure and stress. Kilij/Flint said he was fine when I asked how he is. I told him that very soon, it'll be our turn to move. We went out to eat at a buffet and then played Guild Wars 2 together. It was actually rare nowadays of us to play together. We played until around 3AM and then went to sleep. I woke up and I was thinking of getting some food and went to knock on Kilij/Flint's door. I peeked in to find him nowhere and thought he went out to get food. After a few hours later, I was getting concerned, I looked into the room again and noticed something; several things were missing that shouldn't be missing. The things missing were his laptop (one I gave him), backpack, some clothes, and his 3DS. I tried to think where he'd go. He didn't left me a note or anything about going somewhere. There was a piece of paper that had numbers/dates written on it and I wondered if it was some bus schedule. I telegrammed my friends and also his sister. His sister, being a nurse, will contact hospitals and other folks. I tried to contact Kilij/Flint online, but no luck. On Discord, when I sent a message to him, I get an autobot response, saying that this recipient only accepts messages from his friends and said I may also be blocked. I was confused. I looked around on other social medias and no luck. I messaged his mother to see if she may know what's going on. No luck.

So my mate went "missing" for a couple days and I was going to visit the police station this Friday. On Thursday night, I made my previous journal and one of his online friends contacted me on Discord (whom I've asked permission to mention his name, which is Russell, and it is  WanderingWastelander ). He wanted to share me some things in a group chat as well as some private messages that may give some insight of what my mate felt and such. I was shocked. Apparently, according to Kilij/Flint, I have "abandoned" him and went with some other guy (what other guy?!) and said that I stole his laptop and hold it for ransom. My mate said he had to take actions and called out "theft of property". There were a few other things that were mentioned that I was shocked that he said such things about me. Another shocking thing is that Kilij/Flint has another FA account under a different name (will not mention unless asked privately). And the info on that FA page was totally different from his  flint-flareon page, even lying about his age.

I decided to call up my mate's sister to tell her some news (since she did asked me to keep her informed). I explained to her what I just found out and she knows that the stuff he said about me is not true ( since she and her family has met me in person). When I told her that Kilij/Flint seems to have this "double life" of talking behind my back and such, she confirmed it and said that it had happened with another brother of theirs. She told me stuff that my mate had lied to me about - low credit score, why he can't get a job, being lazy, not being responsible. The low credit score was actually not from his family, but him getting a credit card and not paying it. The excuses he gave me for not getting a job is due to not wanting to do it and be lazy all day. She told me that he'll try to lie and make other people feel sorry for him and see him as the victim. She said he'd go through a "tantrum" because he's not getting what he wants and will "run away" until later. She said don't bother filing 'missing person' report and apologized to me. She told me that at Disney World, she was happy that I was there to actually help Kilij/Flint go on the right path in life. She felt really bad and sorry that it didn't work out and that  flint-flareon just remained stubborn and following one of his older brother's footsteps. She advised me that if he does come back that I need to stand my ground and not give in.

At some point later, on Discord, I found out that I got kicked from Kilij/Flint's group chat and same with  WanderingWastelander and apparently blocked him too. So it seems Kilij/Flint decided to block and ignore me as well as Russell.

I've felt betrayed, backstabbed, lied to, and used. Since 2008, I've been mates with this person and took him under my wings for 7-8 years and trying to support for both of us. The next day, after I had tweeted a post about what happened (since I had tweeted that I was worried about where he is), Draco sent me a message on Discord. He told me that I need a reality check, be responsible, and not blame others. He mentioned that he had to save his best friend from committing suicide because "I wasn't supportive to him of his ambitions". I was not told of Kilij/Flint making a suicide attempt and the times I'm with him, he was fine and well. Draco pointed out the 3 things (audio editor, trucker, and book writing) to me and said I gave no support for them. He also mentioned how much I don't consider their well beings. Now after reading his message, I would have been shocked, but by then I felt like these were just lies that Kilij/Flint had told Draco to make him feel like the victim. He also said that he contacted family and got one to take Kilij/Flint in and so that explains why he packed up and left. Today, as I was cleaning a bit of the downstairs bedroom, I did found another piece of paper that was hidden under something that were directions to Greyhound bus.

I started to cut ties with Kilij/Flint with things in Guild Wars 2, Twitter, and some of my FA profile page. Draco still plays GW2 and he saw what happened. He replied with another message on Discord, saying that I was "just going to ignore my responsibility and blame others as usual. That's unfortunate." What responsibility am I suppose to take? Contact Kilij/Flint? That can't be done. And "blame others as usual"? Who did I exactly blame and for what reason? If anything, I felt that what Kilij/Flint did was very immature - just get up, pack and leave without even leaving a note of goodbye. And about the whole "not considering their well beings", that's cause they don't F-ING SPEAK UP and they don't wanna help contribute when we have to do things! I had to do almost all the work and paid the most of this. Neither of them paid for anything with the movings and Draco didn't even help pay for gas when I was taking him to his grandpa's. Even if I do reply to him of my statements, he would dismiss them as excuses and not satisfy with them, so why bother trying to reason/explain to someone who shuts himself out from everything around him.

Anyways, I lost 2 people whom I thought were friends and one of them being my mate. They took the initiate and cut me off first without wanting to give me much to explain, so I'll be doing the same. I am deeply sorry for the long journal and wall of text. I am recovering (at a surprisingly fast pace, but then again, I was told that I have quick recuperation). From what his sister and Russell had told and shown me, it made a lot of sense of what was happening during the 9 years that I've known and been with Kilij/Flint.

There are things that I need to clean up that the two left behind for me, as well needing to make apologies/amends to those who got involved. And I am sorry about all this. I will try to be a better totter.

EDIT: Also, thank you all for your support. I just wish these two would speak up more instead of just keeping things to themselves and leaving me in the dark. That is why I share my info and ask consent if things are fine.