I'll preface this journal with the warning that this won't be the happy-go-lucky spread of positive energy I usually focus on, because I'm hoping other furs can learn from my experiences and think critically about what kind of experience they want from the fandom, with the end result being that the furry fandom is a happier and more fun and welcoming place for everyone.

As you may know (and if you didn't, you do now), I am an identical twin. Throughout most of life this has had its ups and downs. I assumed it would be different when I stepped into the furry fandom several years ago, but I wasn't really sure what I was expecting. I guess I was hoping this would be the place where I could finally start being my own individual person and developing my own separate personality and lifestyle and everything. You can probably guess by the fact that I'm writing this that this isn't really what happened.

As you may know, (and if you didn't, you do now), I LOVE fursuit dancing. I first tried it in 2013 at Rainfurrest, because that was the last year they were going to not have preliminaries (i.e. everyone who tried out would get in) and I had seen some dance comp videos on Youtube before, so I thought, why the heck not?! And I had a blast. I haven't been able to quit since then (despite multiple attempts due to reasons that will be addressed later in this journal) - I love being on the stage and being the center of attention (exclusively when I'm on stage, I might add), I love getting to show off my character and my favorite music, and I love bringing my character to life for 120 seconds. It's a magical experience to perform as well as to watch.

Here's the catch: my twin has won 1st place at three different dance competitions. I've won a 2nd place at one, and a 3rd place at another, but never a 1st.

So you're probably asking: Hey Yu! You said you love fursuit dancing, so why do you care about who places?

And your answer is: I don't. Myself, I couldn't care less about random numbers the judges assign. Heck, I more often than not disagree with the judges, and my favorite dancer(s) in the group will be not one who did the cleanest tutting and popping and what have you, but the one who did something a little different from the rest, or the one who showed some personality that the other dancers didn't necessarily have. I like forming my own opinions about the dances and encouraging my favorites who, on the inside, might be at least a little bummed that they didn't place.

But apparently I'm one of the few who think this.

There are a select few people I regularly talk to who are genuinely supportive of my dancing as an individual, but unfortunately as it stands the furry fandom as a whole is still very much a popularity contest where your worth as a person is defined by arbitrarily-assigned numbers; there's a worryingly large number of furs who put far too much weight on dance competition placements. There are competitive dancer furs out there who would probably kill just to win 1st in a dance comp once, let alone three times. Stack this on top of people assuming identical twin = identical dancing = identical dance comp placements, and in my case, you get a recipe for disaster.

It wouldn't bug me so much if it was just a few people. At least nowadays, I don't believe I'm the type of person to give up doing something I love just because one or two voices telling me there's something about it they don't like. However, it's not just a few people. It's a lot - to the point where, when I go to a convention or meetup, "I hope nobody asks me 'so, have you won a dance comp yet?'" is a legitimate worry, and something along those lines invariably happens at least once at every outing. From people I thought were friendly furs with common interests trying to strike up a conversation about dancing, only to promptly turn around and leave without another word once I answered "none" to "how many dance comps have you won?," to people shouting "That dance comp was rigged!!" or "I totally called that win!!" when I am clearly standing right there and I am not the person who won (hint: it's my twin), I get all variations of the above you can possibly imagine. It's like, thanks, I really needed to hear that you thought I was a visibly worse dancer....

In case I wasn't clear, the general expectation seems to be that My twin has won a given number of dance competitions, therefore I should have won an equal number of dance competitions, or else I'm a bad dancer who isn't living up to expectations.

As you can imagine, it's really discouraging and not fun. Especially with the sheer number of people who behave this way.

There was actually one recent event I attended where I decided to wear Dynamite instead of Yu. Despite me announcing ahead of time that I would be fursuiting as Dynamite, I actually got a few compliments on the random moves I busted while I was hanging around at the event because people didn't know it was me (since they didn't recognize the fursuit). It was good. But as soon as they know it's me (which is unfortunately a lot of people), it's back to the whole "When are you going to start winning dance comps too?" spiel.

The scale of the issue can be hard to imagine when you're not the one experiencing it. From what I can tell, being a twin in the fandom is a pretty rare thing, and an identical twin even rarer.

My main goal here is to make other furs aware that this is a thing that happens. A lot of people in the fandom have this mindset, and I'm not even sure it's intentional -- which doesn't make it better, since a) that makes it harder to change, and b) people will say hurtful things (as in the above examples) without even realizing that they could potentially be hurtful because they perpetuate the erroneous stereotype that twins have to basically be perfect copies of each other, and if they aren't, it's because the one that performs less well is defective somehow.

If you've read this far, I ask that you really think about your experience in this fandom and how you interact with other members. Do you put more time or effort into interacting with someone if their numerical accomplishments (dance comp wins, Youtube subscribers, etc.) are higher? Do you pay more attention to trends on social media involving furs with more followers? If so, I invite you to reconsider, and to pay more attention to the individual behind the account or behind the fursuit. Don't base their worth on some arbitrarily-assigned number. Maybe they only have a few Youtube subscribers, but you like a lot of the same video games. Maybe they're a dancer who's feeling discouraged because they can't tut or pop, but something about their movements just makes you feel a lot of emotion. I encourage you to reach out to and encourage other furs simply for being individuals, not just for having certain numbers attached.

If you didn't answer "yes" to either of the above questions, great! Keep doing what you're doing. The fandom needs more people like you and it's only because of people like you that I'm still dancing.