I don't even know where to start or what to say but I've given up on life, for the most part. Things haven't been good since this month started. They've only gotten worse and keep getting worse and worse. I'm so cripplingly depressed, I don't even want to get out of bed most days. I'd like to never wake up again, in fact. I'm just so lost and I don't know what to do. I want to find some hope but there is none. I've cried more this month alone than I have in a long time and I don't know if I can even feel anymore. I want to start over but I'm so far gone there isn't any hope for me. I keep making things worse for myself but I don't know how to stop and just fix this mess. I really wish I'd just die but I couldn't get that lucky, I suppose. I'm so tired of this suffering and I don't Know where to turn or what to do. I have zero motivation to do anything and all I ever think about is how I wish all this pain would end. I Lost the one person that ever loved me and I don't know how to go on. I just want to give up on everything. I'm nothing but a ticking time bomb. I keep pushing people away in my angst. My health is so poor but I can't sleep, I don't want to eat or drink much and I've been smoking more than ever. I'm so lost. I wish I could turn back time and do things over but I'm such a fuck up. I don't mean to worry people and I'm not looking for pity, I just don't know what to do or how to fix things. My heart is broken, my spirit is broken. I'm dead inside and all that's left is a shell. There's nothing left in me. Only pain and sorrow remain. I don't know what to do. I just want someone to love me like I love them but I don't think anyone can. I'm just an undesirable wretch. Hopefully my life ends soon by accident or something. I just don't want this existence anymore. I'd give anything to start over but it's impossible. I've made so many terrible mistakes and I don't know how to fix the damage I've done. I wish someone could help me but I don't think anyone can. I need to feel loved. I need to feel wanted. I don't want to be alone. I'm so lonely.