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Therapy Fail
8 years ago
General
I feel like I needed to write this down.
Now about a month ago, I decided to try therapy. I have had depression issues and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm better than I used to be, but I felt like I could get a bit of help. After my thing last night? I am not thinking differently. Now before anyone says it, yes I know not all therapists click. I know that it won't always work.
A bit of background on myself. When I'm around someone new, I get fidgety, I talk faster than normal, and I stutter. I'm shy and not good in brand new situations. I made this known to her. I don't entirely know even what I want to get out of therapy, and this is also known. Now moving on.
So the first session it felt....odd. I kinda shrugged it off as a new thing and that was it. The only thing she told me to do between the first and second was to make a list of behaviors I want to focus on. Those being as follows 1) Being to hard on myself 2) Being overly critical of others 3) My fear of failure 4) My own negative self image.
So upon going in, she had completely forgotten what she had told me to do previously. Okay whatever. I remind her. She asks where I want to start, which I honestly had no idea. I stated that and she got snappy with me in a "Oh just pick one" tone. So I told her the two that have been bothering me most. Which lead to me having anxiety over career things and such in which the irritated tone came back.
Now as far as careers go, yes it's been bugging me. I don't have one that super stands out to me. I'm currently at a job I hate, which gives me more pressure. I don't wanna go into insane amount of debts going to school, so I do have a school in mind but I don't know what area I'd wanna do...it goes on and on.
I begin to tell her this, before I could finish my reasons of why I'm torn, she cuts me off, "Well which two are you interested in most?" And I say the two I've focused on most what Psychology (which I'm about half way done with a degree) and IT because I feel like it's one of the more stable things I can try for. Once again cuts me off and asks, "Well why those too and why don't I feel like I could do either of those" And I say because I feel like I'm behind. I feel like because I'm 25 I feel behind everyone else. (Yes I know that's a wrong assumption but besides the point) In which I was basically lectured on why that's wrong and basically stupid. Which, yes I know it's wrong, but that doesn't stop my crippling anxiety from STOPPING ME FROM LOOKING FARTHER INTO IT.
Okay so what other interests do I have, I told her before hand my mother stopped me from perusing a lot of my interests as a kid, so now that I'm away I have dabbled and looked into a few things but never settled on one because fiances and stress at work. But I have tried chainmail, drawing, writing, etc and I have interests in crafting things, photography. Cut off, again, saying that it seemed odd that I was all over the place. Then asked if ADD/ADHD runs in my family. I said it wouldn't surprise me, but I also said that teachers and such have tested me and I never popped. I never had issues with focusing in school. The only subjects I avoided where ones I didn't get or like. But things like English, Psychology, and stuff like that I never had issues with. That I don't feel like its focus I have an issue with, but the feeling of dread and anxiety of certain things that stop me. Here's where thing made me cringe.
After I said ADD/ADHD MAY run in my family that is ALL she focused on. I even scored stupid low on her little test of it, but yet that's ALL she focused on. She shrugged off my questions of counter points. Told me that the reason I was having career issues is because I wasn't working hard enough towards them and it may be fixed through meds. Now I do NOT doubt the existence of ADD/ADHD, I KNOW it exists, and I know that meds DO help it. BUT what I wasn't okay with is the NOT listening to my concerns on why I thought this may be wrong. How all of sudden this is the end all thing that must be the issue. Only at the end of this bs did they say, "Oh WELL if you don't test for it, which I highly doubt, we'll try this from a different angle." Followed by, for my anxiety and depression, I'm already doing everything she would suggest, so what the fuck do I need then?
All in all, it left a very sour taste for me. I would rather fucking figure this crap out on my own then have a label slapped on me and that's just it. Part of me, the skeptic part of me, is saying they're just trying to sap money out of me just because they can.Like I said, sure it could be a possibility, but a SMALL one because, yes, I have gone through testing before and nothing ever popped but public school sucks. But if she had listened instead of forcing this down my throat, I wouldn't have been so sour about it. At this point I'm not going back, I feel like I can just figure it out on my own as this point.
Just wanted to ramble. Thanks guys.
Now about a month ago, I decided to try therapy. I have had depression issues and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm better than I used to be, but I felt like I could get a bit of help. After my thing last night? I am not thinking differently. Now before anyone says it, yes I know not all therapists click. I know that it won't always work.
A bit of background on myself. When I'm around someone new, I get fidgety, I talk faster than normal, and I stutter. I'm shy and not good in brand new situations. I made this known to her. I don't entirely know even what I want to get out of therapy, and this is also known. Now moving on.
So the first session it felt....odd. I kinda shrugged it off as a new thing and that was it. The only thing she told me to do between the first and second was to make a list of behaviors I want to focus on. Those being as follows 1) Being to hard on myself 2) Being overly critical of others 3) My fear of failure 4) My own negative self image.
So upon going in, she had completely forgotten what she had told me to do previously. Okay whatever. I remind her. She asks where I want to start, which I honestly had no idea. I stated that and she got snappy with me in a "Oh just pick one" tone. So I told her the two that have been bothering me most. Which lead to me having anxiety over career things and such in which the irritated tone came back.
Now as far as careers go, yes it's been bugging me. I don't have one that super stands out to me. I'm currently at a job I hate, which gives me more pressure. I don't wanna go into insane amount of debts going to school, so I do have a school in mind but I don't know what area I'd wanna do...it goes on and on.
I begin to tell her this, before I could finish my reasons of why I'm torn, she cuts me off, "Well which two are you interested in most?" And I say the two I've focused on most what Psychology (which I'm about half way done with a degree) and IT because I feel like it's one of the more stable things I can try for. Once again cuts me off and asks, "Well why those too and why don't I feel like I could do either of those" And I say because I feel like I'm behind. I feel like because I'm 25 I feel behind everyone else. (Yes I know that's a wrong assumption but besides the point) In which I was basically lectured on why that's wrong and basically stupid. Which, yes I know it's wrong, but that doesn't stop my crippling anxiety from STOPPING ME FROM LOOKING FARTHER INTO IT.
Okay so what other interests do I have, I told her before hand my mother stopped me from perusing a lot of my interests as a kid, so now that I'm away I have dabbled and looked into a few things but never settled on one because fiances and stress at work. But I have tried chainmail, drawing, writing, etc and I have interests in crafting things, photography. Cut off, again, saying that it seemed odd that I was all over the place. Then asked if ADD/ADHD runs in my family. I said it wouldn't surprise me, but I also said that teachers and such have tested me and I never popped. I never had issues with focusing in school. The only subjects I avoided where ones I didn't get or like. But things like English, Psychology, and stuff like that I never had issues with. That I don't feel like its focus I have an issue with, but the feeling of dread and anxiety of certain things that stop me. Here's where thing made me cringe.
After I said ADD/ADHD MAY run in my family that is ALL she focused on. I even scored stupid low on her little test of it, but yet that's ALL she focused on. She shrugged off my questions of counter points. Told me that the reason I was having career issues is because I wasn't working hard enough towards them and it may be fixed through meds. Now I do NOT doubt the existence of ADD/ADHD, I KNOW it exists, and I know that meds DO help it. BUT what I wasn't okay with is the NOT listening to my concerns on why I thought this may be wrong. How all of sudden this is the end all thing that must be the issue. Only at the end of this bs did they say, "Oh WELL if you don't test for it, which I highly doubt, we'll try this from a different angle." Followed by, for my anxiety and depression, I'm already doing everything she would suggest, so what the fuck do I need then?
All in all, it left a very sour taste for me. I would rather fucking figure this crap out on my own then have a label slapped on me and that's just it. Part of me, the skeptic part of me, is saying they're just trying to sap money out of me just because they can.Like I said, sure it could be a possibility, but a SMALL one because, yes, I have gone through testing before and nothing ever popped but public school sucks. But if she had listened instead of forcing this down my throat, I wouldn't have been so sour about it. At this point I'm not going back, I feel like I can just figure it out on my own as this point.
Just wanted to ramble. Thanks guys.
Life is difficult and strong people are often dealt a really rough hand in life. There is no shame in help, medication, therapy or otherwise, we never have all the answers, if we did, we wouldnt have our issues in the first place.
Good luck, I do wish you best, because you deserve the best.