https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FomroPMOKvg

I wish it would be that easy, but I appreciated big guy ^^;

I find talking to other people with depression helps, so it lets you know you're not alone. Bottling all that pressure up is one of the worst things you can do.

Also just simple manual labor (doing dishes, vacuuming, etc.) helps me take my mind off things. I'd seriously looking into some medication. Myself and plenty of my friends are on it. There's no shame to it. It doesn't change your personality, it just helps you along a little.

I can't take meds... because this country doesn't recognize "depression" as a medical problem. I know it's an exaggeration, but seriously, people here refuse to acknowledge depression and anxiety as threat, merely shrugging it off as an excuse to withdraw from society.

I do vent my frustration with friends now and then, but lately I started to think that I vent... too much. I don't want to burden them anymore...

Oh bottling up doesn't help, you gotta find an outlet. As a teen back when my depression started poetry helped a lot. Eventually it became something negative, I lost interest in it and I used distraction with music and games and sex. Eventually that lost its mojo too, and for a while I was just too busy to care. I wasn't well but I didn't have time to worry between school and work. It wasn't crippling most the times but some days I would skip school because it got too terrible. Now I'm on medication so I'm doing wonderful. However I find that finding outlets help. Recently I started a diary, for shits and giggles, never really thinking it would help me but man, being able to rant without worrying what others thing or annoying others REALLY helped me. Trial and error, try different things, something has to help you release that frustration. It won't fix you, only medication and balancing your brain chems can do that, but it will help it be easier to endure.

Oh, I did skip a few classes back then. I stopped caring about grades (and hate couple of professors as well), only thinking about going somewhere, away from city and crowds. I ran away once, but decided to go back just for the sake of finishing school. Since my mom passed away 2 months ago, I'm torn between campus and home. My overly controlling dad can't do shit alone, yet I can't finish school if he keep demanding me to go back to work with him.

I'm just afraid that my hobby won't be sufficient enough to get rid my thought to dump myself somewhere quiet. Also, this country is so pathetic at dealing with depression anyway, so I don't think medication would help me...

Well you're wrong there, take it from someone who suffers from it and is a nurse. Medication helps, a hell of a lot. Its just a matter of finding the one that works for you. As for your father, screw that shit. You need to think of yourself. Think about it, you finish your own education, become stable and you can dump yourself somewhere quiet AND be successful and not deal with a demanding, overly controlling jerk dad! Its a win win. Logical thinking really helps when depression goes fuck you.

I do want to seek help, I really do. But I don't have the money and my family would just go apeshit if I tell them why. With the possibility of dropping out from college and my asshole of a brother already suspecting me for being gay, I don't think I will last at home much longer.

Ugh, you have one of THOSE families. Goddamn it... I am so sorry hun. I say that its best to take it one step at a time in your situation. First try and finish college and become independent. Then depression treatment. And lastly, never ever tell them if they are homophobic morons, at least, try to hide it till the day you are independent so you never, ever have to depend on them for anything if their hatred is so pathetic it beats their love, which from what little you say, seems to be the case :/

Yes, sir. Although it was just my brother. My dad is still in the dark about this lgbt things, since he never concern himself with such matter.

As for finishing school, I still have to work with him. That's why he pushed me to pursue accounting.

You don't HAVE to, you could always get a job in another accounting firm. Also do you even like accounting? No matter what anyone says, you should always do what you like, and not what others expect of you. So many parents think their kids should follow their footsteps it borderlines on silliness. Just do what I suggest hun, think of yourself, plan to separate yourself and become financially stable so you can live your life and fuck everyone else. Selfishness is not a sin, its how you do it that determines if its good or bad, self preservation is not a bad thing. Its natural instinct.

I still remember how mad my dad were when my brother told him that he wanted to work with someone else. My brother, unsurprisingly "forgot" the whole conversation ever happened several years ago when I reminded him about it.

And no, I never liked acc and being an auditor. My brother knows, the head of my faculty knows, but I still have the responsibility to finish my education. I just don't know and frankly feared with what lies ahead, but I know I have to face it, which make me frustrated and down on the first place. I just... not ready.

No one ever is. Being an adult is realizing you need an adultier adult to teach you how to adult cause you don't know diddly. And its obvious your family is controlling from what you say. So I say since you feel you need to finish this, finish it, and do something else with your life, something you enjoy. At least you'll have something to fall back on.

Mhmm... I'll try, I suppose

You can do it, its not like you have anything to lose.

True...

Thanks for talking with me though

No problem sweety. Glad to help. Feel free to chat whenever you wish if you want.

I just accept it. My life isn't going to get any better, so I just ignore thoughts of that nature and keep going.

Ah, I see

Not the best thing to do admittedly, but I no longer worry to the point of having Acid Reflux Disease.

Like overdose?

No, I've never once thought of suicide. Despite being pretty much homeless.

Oh... hmmm.... I see

Hum...I dont have depression but I'm kinda lonely sometimes but not exactly unhappy, I just live well in this way.
I try to distract myself with art, manga/comics, animes, games, sometimes travelling, etc, those things help me and thats why I live well =)
But ok, I never had depression so my case is different from yours.

Travelling, huh? I wish I could to. Not allowed to do anything fun because it's deemed wasting money and time.

Not exactly long expensive travels, just little travels to a neighbor city or around 2 hours bus just to distract the mind.

That sounds fun

Usually having activities to do help the mind to stay busy
like exercise, play or looking at stuff that makes you happy

Unless, I'm not allowed to do that. Except exercising.

Even if is just bit of time it helps

Hmmm...

When I got depress I always still get away from any close person like family or friends. Then I going to outside alone like walk in a departmentstore and have some nice food. It can relife and decrease depression.

I see

Sorry I didn't mention. I'm a person prefer to love quietly and live single or alone. The way to cope the depression for me was to be alone and peace.

The source of my problem never let me do all of that