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2017's Death
8 years ago
WE INTERRUPT THIS YIFFING WITH A WORD FROM OUR FOX
2016: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8002393/
2015: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7281359/
2014: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6383942/
2013: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5371693/
Wow... I cannot believe it. Another year has come and gone yet again. I once more, find myself writing another year end journal. ...And I still have yet to do more in this fandom! Oh it's not to say that I have done nothing, but I have not done nearly enough. Pppfffft! The only furry related milestone I hit this year was that I got to try on a fursuit for the first time, but uh...
So... needless to say that when you consider 2017 as a whole, with the quality it had, you can sum it up as... Bad. But not as bad as 2016. I'll give it that.
But how did 2017 stack up with me?
In short. Bad. But not as bad as 2016. ...I had to. Okay? But tis the truth. I really do not like this year overall; some real nasty shit happened to me this year. But... I will say this. I hit some very important milestones in my life this year. Ones I've been chasing after for a long time. Longer than even 2013, when I joined this fandom... So it just... balances things a bit. So... what have I to say for my life in 2017..?
JANUARY
My January 2017 was more or less uneventful. I gotta say, the first couple months or so have been for the most part, really, really quiet. But I've noticed that that's been a trend for most of my years on this Earth. Sadly, 2018's January will be loud as hell... but I digress.
Yeah not much happened in January other than... well. Meeting a certain someone who has been a huge part of this entire year for me. If you know me, you know who it is.
It's the month that I started making some plans. For moving around, my future as a writer, what I should do with the now as good as cancelled Winter's Gallows... The month I bit the bullet and got a Twitter and Facebook. But only to follow artists on the former, and my family on the latter.
What a quiet month... Now I do wish it stayed that way, considering.
FEBRUARY
Keehhhff... Needless to say, even less happened this February. It was more silence. More of me biding my time before the time to leave Arizona would come as that new friend and I attempted to map our lives together.
My roommate at the time left for another house, thoroughly leaving me alone in the apartment for the following month and a half. Ah yes. This was where the whole, trying to figure out my lease and leaving said apartment would start. Wow. It was needlessly complicated, but thankfully it still worked.
...Wow how boring. Hey! I did say so little happened this month; I fully admit I am just fucking around for things to say! Admittedly though... I find that the less I have to say about a time period, the better it was. At least. These days I do...
MARCH
So March was when a few things started happening again. First is something that still is happening to this day.
I AM CONSIDERING CHANGING MY FURSONA. Into Lukan Benka, my raccoon. At first, it was because I felt I overdeveloped him, and made him more like me than any of my other characters. But now I see, that it was a good thing I did. Because Lukan IS me. He represents who I am NOW. Aero is who I WANT to be. And Klaus, to complete the triangle, represents my flaws and inhibitions that keep me from achieving that.
Whoo... deep am I right?
Well... a lot of quiet time to yourself will do that to you, as March 2017 was by far the quietest month of my entire life. And I am not complaining.
Also in March, that friend I become mates and... Le sigh.
Video games and stuff.
Oh. And leaving that apartment so I would not live in quiet anymore; that's also a thing. I moved in with a coworker friend of mine and stuff to avoid having to renew my lease and be trapped there another year, on top of paying that rent by myself.
APRIL
I am not gonna beat around the bush-- April was the first time I ever drank alcohol. And that was... interesting to say the least. But I got to admit, when I did, I just felt. Better. Like my problems weren't problems anymore and I just did not... care. I know I know, that's what the stuff does, but. Wow.
Also in April! See One Decision's Echoes, my attempt to rectify the botched up Winter's Gallows that... I chose not to continue for one simple reason. Going over those memories as closely as I can... hurts. It hurts A LOT. Like I dunno if you can understand how painful it is for me to write ODE. I had to stop for my sake. My heart could not take it... I hope you understand...
Oh and my then mate and I started finalizing our plans to be together. I still cannot believe that he went from then to now in just seven months...
MAY
Hey did you know Starset is my favorite band now? Well because of Linkin Park's lackluster album released this month, they got promoted to as such.... Seriously though, if you haven't heard of Starset, I recommend. Especially if you like rock/metal/whatever else is similar, bleck.
Okay so my frustrations with Walmart as a company really started peaking here because of all the complications my then mate was facing. It was more because of managers and their nonsense rather than the company itself, but ppft..
During May, and parts of April I guess, my depression also started rising. But that day with the alcohol... hm..............
......So anyways!! In the end the guy and I figured things out. Kinda. For on the last night of the month, he nearly gave me a heart attack when he said he was on his way to me earlier than what was planned!
JUNE
I seriously don't even know what it is about June... I seriously don't. I don't understand. It feels like every June in the past couple of year has had some sort huge impact on my life in one way or another. Check this journal for some examples.
But June 2017... marked the time that I finally got to be with the one I loved in person. I can't really put into words how much that meant to me... especially after nearly four years of trying so hard, so desperately for something I could never ever have. Suddenly. The endeavors just. Vanished. Into thin air! All gone.
And at work... they finally changed my position into the one I was wanting! Hm... I do forget just how good June was because well...
Of the fucking heat; good LORD Arizona, da hell!?
To think it'd get worse than that though....
JULY
Yeah. Had to take a trip to Denver because a kat ran a red light and yadda yadda... I think I mentioned this, but since this is a recap of my year, I guess I have to say this again. Actually I have to say a lot of things again; why am I even complaining? Give me a break; I am very tired when I wrote this, and I get like this when I am!!
I am so sorry. I tangented so hard there...
I... think July is also important because I changed houses. Again.
And... oh... right. The death of Chester Bennington... Lead singer of the first band I fell in love with in 2009/10... how could I possibly forget? And to think, he would be the first death that would affect me personally. 2017 was not a fun year for people I knew and loved...
AUGUST
Oohhh god. If there was ever a month in the year that would make me believe in global warming 100%, unequivocally, it would be this month. I have never been subjected to heat on these levels before, but holy damn! The heat does a lot of bad things to me. It makes me lazy, lethargic, sick, it kills my mood, happiness and lewdness involved. It just makes it a miserable time for me. And this was something a certain someone failed to understand... Was it because I failed to communicate it well? Maybe...
Ooooh RIGHT! This month we moved out of Sierra Vista, Arizona, finally, and sat down in Thornton, Colorado! Yeah that's... that's a huge event...
Oh. And my grandmother died too. Sigh...
Well... now to try and tape my life back together... Except. This was impossible. And it's really hard to describe why. It just... kind of was. The heat? Nah, though it hindered me a lot, it wasn't it entirely.. The new location? Maybe... Myself? Most likely. As I had no idea what I needed to do in all honesty...
SEPTEMBER
Aaaaand now my uncle's dead. Oh come on! 2017! Leave me alone in this regard, please!!
Well... at least I got to see my mom for the first time in a year after what happened. She seemed... depressed. Maybe I should go back to Iowa now... But I... I really dunno...
I got a new job that has completely shattered any potential for a social life here.
And I lost something that's only important to certain people. Finally. And I will let you guess what that was.
But yeah. Relationship falling apart. Yadda yadda. I dunno how many times I said that sort of thing now, so let's just move on.
OCTOBER
And the relationship rage quit. Hm... so now what should I do in this situation, since it's much more precarious than the one in Arizona... since now I do NOT have a place that is my own. Nor do I have any friends nearby to help, like I did in AZ... Hm... And... if you know me again... You'll understand just how incredibly poor the timing was for all of this...
Well at the very least I renounced the hideous beast that is writer's block, opened requests, which I need to get back to now that I think about them... eesh...
Confessed WHY my productivity is like, zilch in 2017...
And I got Telegram! Will be phasing out Skype soon. Only use it to keep in touch with the guys in AZ.
And I saw a fox at work. J-just felt like throwing that one out there.
NOVEMBER
I think I will just... mention the elephant in the room regarding November 2017 for me.
I was hit by a car.
In other news. ...There is no other news, except for me still trying to figure out what to do with my life at this point. And waiting for all the info I need regarding getting hit by a car so I can take action. ...To this day I still don't have everything... Pfft.
Pokemon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon. Released on the same day I got hit.
Telegram blowing up.
Still warmer than it should be for such a time of year.
Stupid month overall...
DECEMBER
Oh... oh how I tried. I tried so fucking hard. But it will never be enough will it? Always gotta be mentally harassing me to the point of insanity, and then blaming all my bad thoughts on myself...
Oh this month was awful. Almost every bit of it, save for a few scattered islands of greatness like... reinforcing what I lost in September. Trying on a fursuit for the first time, and speculating 2018 with optimism.
But... the sooner I can get out of the mess I am in now, the better.
Also... I turned 21. So I gets to have the legal alcohols now... Oh how they'll help me cope...
...Look at what I have become... A travesty.
So... with that said. Now that 2018 is about to dawn upon us. I have this to say.
2018. You will be my bitch. Mine to seize, and mine to control.
After being betrayed by 2013.
Tortured by 2014.
Ignored and left forlorn by 2015.
Devastated by 2016.
And now pushed around by 2017...
Enough is enough. And I will make 2018 the best that it can possibly be. I must tame my life. And I have the optimism to believe that it may finally be possible this coming year. I just got to make sure I take the right steps into making sure that it happens. Starting with my first ever furmeet on January 14... And then a long road ahead of me. The completion of Life is Just a Storm. My first con? Ordering my fursuit? How much more? What will happen? What's in store?
...Only the best, as I will make sure. Oh. There will be problems alright. But I will blow through them. I have to. I should be used to having to by now! You're mine. 2018. Bring it on....
Let's all have a good one. Shall we, my friends? Happy New Year everyone... I await seeing you in 2018...
2015: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7281359/
2014: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6383942/
2013: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5371693/
Wow... I cannot believe it. Another year has come and gone yet again. I once more, find myself writing another year end journal. ...And I still have yet to do more in this fandom! Oh it's not to say that I have done nothing, but I have not done nearly enough. Pppfffft! The only furry related milestone I hit this year was that I got to try on a fursuit for the first time, but uh...
So... needless to say that when you consider 2017 as a whole, with the quality it had, you can sum it up as... Bad. But not as bad as 2016. I'll give it that.
But how did 2017 stack up with me?
In short. Bad. But not as bad as 2016. ...I had to. Okay? But tis the truth. I really do not like this year overall; some real nasty shit happened to me this year. But... I will say this. I hit some very important milestones in my life this year. Ones I've been chasing after for a long time. Longer than even 2013, when I joined this fandom... So it just... balances things a bit. So... what have I to say for my life in 2017..?
JANUARY
My January 2017 was more or less uneventful. I gotta say, the first couple months or so have been for the most part, really, really quiet. But I've noticed that that's been a trend for most of my years on this Earth. Sadly, 2018's January will be loud as hell... but I digress.
Yeah not much happened in January other than... well. Meeting a certain someone who has been a huge part of this entire year for me. If you know me, you know who it is.
It's the month that I started making some plans. For moving around, my future as a writer, what I should do with the now as good as cancelled Winter's Gallows... The month I bit the bullet and got a Twitter and Facebook. But only to follow artists on the former, and my family on the latter.
What a quiet month... Now I do wish it stayed that way, considering.
FEBRUARY
Keehhhff... Needless to say, even less happened this February. It was more silence. More of me biding my time before the time to leave Arizona would come as that new friend and I attempted to map our lives together.
My roommate at the time left for another house, thoroughly leaving me alone in the apartment for the following month and a half. Ah yes. This was where the whole, trying to figure out my lease and leaving said apartment would start. Wow. It was needlessly complicated, but thankfully it still worked.
...Wow how boring. Hey! I did say so little happened this month; I fully admit I am just fucking around for things to say! Admittedly though... I find that the less I have to say about a time period, the better it was. At least. These days I do...
MARCH
So March was when a few things started happening again. First is something that still is happening to this day.
I AM CONSIDERING CHANGING MY FURSONA. Into Lukan Benka, my raccoon. At first, it was because I felt I overdeveloped him, and made him more like me than any of my other characters. But now I see, that it was a good thing I did. Because Lukan IS me. He represents who I am NOW. Aero is who I WANT to be. And Klaus, to complete the triangle, represents my flaws and inhibitions that keep me from achieving that.
Whoo... deep am I right?
Well... a lot of quiet time to yourself will do that to you, as March 2017 was by far the quietest month of my entire life. And I am not complaining.
Also in March, that friend I become mates and... Le sigh.
Video games and stuff.
Oh. And leaving that apartment so I would not live in quiet anymore; that's also a thing. I moved in with a coworker friend of mine and stuff to avoid having to renew my lease and be trapped there another year, on top of paying that rent by myself.
APRIL
I am not gonna beat around the bush-- April was the first time I ever drank alcohol. And that was... interesting to say the least. But I got to admit, when I did, I just felt. Better. Like my problems weren't problems anymore and I just did not... care. I know I know, that's what the stuff does, but. Wow.
Also in April! See One Decision's Echoes, my attempt to rectify the botched up Winter's Gallows that... I chose not to continue for one simple reason. Going over those memories as closely as I can... hurts. It hurts A LOT. Like I dunno if you can understand how painful it is for me to write ODE. I had to stop for my sake. My heart could not take it... I hope you understand...
Oh and my then mate and I started finalizing our plans to be together. I still cannot believe that he went from then to now in just seven months...
MAY
Hey did you know Starset is my favorite band now? Well because of Linkin Park's lackluster album released this month, they got promoted to as such.... Seriously though, if you haven't heard of Starset, I recommend. Especially if you like rock/metal/whatever else is similar, bleck.
Okay so my frustrations with Walmart as a company really started peaking here because of all the complications my then mate was facing. It was more because of managers and their nonsense rather than the company itself, but ppft..
During May, and parts of April I guess, my depression also started rising. But that day with the alcohol... hm..............
......So anyways!! In the end the guy and I figured things out. Kinda. For on the last night of the month, he nearly gave me a heart attack when he said he was on his way to me earlier than what was planned!
JUNE
I seriously don't even know what it is about June... I seriously don't. I don't understand. It feels like every June in the past couple of year has had some sort huge impact on my life in one way or another. Check this journal for some examples.
But June 2017... marked the time that I finally got to be with the one I loved in person. I can't really put into words how much that meant to me... especially after nearly four years of trying so hard, so desperately for something I could never ever have. Suddenly. The endeavors just. Vanished. Into thin air! All gone.
And at work... they finally changed my position into the one I was wanting! Hm... I do forget just how good June was because well...
Of the fucking heat; good LORD Arizona, da hell!?
To think it'd get worse than that though....
JULY
Yeah. Had to take a trip to Denver because a kat ran a red light and yadda yadda... I think I mentioned this, but since this is a recap of my year, I guess I have to say this again. Actually I have to say a lot of things again; why am I even complaining? Give me a break; I am very tired when I wrote this, and I get like this when I am!!
I am so sorry. I tangented so hard there...
I... think July is also important because I changed houses. Again.
And... oh... right. The death of Chester Bennington... Lead singer of the first band I fell in love with in 2009/10... how could I possibly forget? And to think, he would be the first death that would affect me personally. 2017 was not a fun year for people I knew and loved...
AUGUST
Oohhh god. If there was ever a month in the year that would make me believe in global warming 100%, unequivocally, it would be this month. I have never been subjected to heat on these levels before, but holy damn! The heat does a lot of bad things to me. It makes me lazy, lethargic, sick, it kills my mood, happiness and lewdness involved. It just makes it a miserable time for me. And this was something a certain someone failed to understand... Was it because I failed to communicate it well? Maybe...
Ooooh RIGHT! This month we moved out of Sierra Vista, Arizona, finally, and sat down in Thornton, Colorado! Yeah that's... that's a huge event...
Oh. And my grandmother died too. Sigh...
Well... now to try and tape my life back together... Except. This was impossible. And it's really hard to describe why. It just... kind of was. The heat? Nah, though it hindered me a lot, it wasn't it entirely.. The new location? Maybe... Myself? Most likely. As I had no idea what I needed to do in all honesty...
SEPTEMBER
Aaaaand now my uncle's dead. Oh come on! 2017! Leave me alone in this regard, please!!
Well... at least I got to see my mom for the first time in a year after what happened. She seemed... depressed. Maybe I should go back to Iowa now... But I... I really dunno...
I got a new job that has completely shattered any potential for a social life here.
And I lost something that's only important to certain people. Finally. And I will let you guess what that was.
But yeah. Relationship falling apart. Yadda yadda. I dunno how many times I said that sort of thing now, so let's just move on.
OCTOBER
And the relationship rage quit. Hm... so now what should I do in this situation, since it's much more precarious than the one in Arizona... since now I do NOT have a place that is my own. Nor do I have any friends nearby to help, like I did in AZ... Hm... And... if you know me again... You'll understand just how incredibly poor the timing was for all of this...
Well at the very least I renounced the hideous beast that is writer's block, opened requests, which I need to get back to now that I think about them... eesh...
Confessed WHY my productivity is like, zilch in 2017...
And I got Telegram! Will be phasing out Skype soon. Only use it to keep in touch with the guys in AZ.
And I saw a fox at work. J-just felt like throwing that one out there.
NOVEMBER
I think I will just... mention the elephant in the room regarding November 2017 for me.
I was hit by a car.
In other news. ...There is no other news, except for me still trying to figure out what to do with my life at this point. And waiting for all the info I need regarding getting hit by a car so I can take action. ...To this day I still don't have everything... Pfft.
Pokemon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon. Released on the same day I got hit.
Telegram blowing up.
Still warmer than it should be for such a time of year.
Stupid month overall...
DECEMBER
Oh... oh how I tried. I tried so fucking hard. But it will never be enough will it? Always gotta be mentally harassing me to the point of insanity, and then blaming all my bad thoughts on myself...
Oh this month was awful. Almost every bit of it, save for a few scattered islands of greatness like... reinforcing what I lost in September. Trying on a fursuit for the first time, and speculating 2018 with optimism.
But... the sooner I can get out of the mess I am in now, the better.
Also... I turned 21. So I gets to have the legal alcohols now... Oh how they'll help me cope...
...Look at what I have become... A travesty.
So... with that said. Now that 2018 is about to dawn upon us. I have this to say.
2018. You will be my bitch. Mine to seize, and mine to control.
After being betrayed by 2013.
Tortured by 2014.
Ignored and left forlorn by 2015.
Devastated by 2016.
And now pushed around by 2017...
Enough is enough. And I will make 2018 the best that it can possibly be. I must tame my life. And I have the optimism to believe that it may finally be possible this coming year. I just got to make sure I take the right steps into making sure that it happens. Starting with my first ever furmeet on January 14... And then a long road ahead of me. The completion of Life is Just a Storm. My first con? Ordering my fursuit? How much more? What will happen? What's in store?
...Only the best, as I will make sure. Oh. There will be problems alright. But I will blow through them. I have to. I should be used to having to by now! You're mine. 2018. Bring it on....
Let's all have a good one. Shall we, my friends? Happy New Year everyone... I await seeing you in 2018...
Torves
~torves
I hope 2018 will be better for you.
Northern-Fury
!northern-fury
You've lived a life that you deserve success. If you can write and get your stuff out there, it'll help a lot of people who've gotten the shit end of life's stick.
