FA+
Shop
My Next Move--Keeping a Dream Alive
7 years ago
Tetsu's Journal. The Wolf's Mind.
January 5th, 2018 on Friday at 2:41 P.M. Pacific time.
Whatever log this is....
For awhile now I have had awful feelings of depression. I am not happy with where I stand now. I have not drawn a single goddamn piece of art in a long while because I once again have no motivation or energy to draw.. I blame my fucking job... Always have.. It's drained me of all my motive to become a better artist. Art is my dream. My passion. I live to do art. My purpose here is to do art. I want to learn it. But my computer is only collecting dust.. I barely open it up. But day in and day out i have to report to work, and it is so miserable being complained at all day standing for hours on end expected to constantly move around in circles. I'm not happy. At all. And another thing is is that I may end up being fired because I am always getting in trouble for my lack of performance. I have no motivation to work there though.. I may say it's good that I do not have to work but the thing is I have no choice. If I do not have a job, then I can't help those who have asked for my help. I can't just turn my back like that. And second, there is no work here in this small area I live at. It will tale forever to find work. Lastly, if I do not have work I will have to go to school which is stress beyond stress taking classes that are stupid hard because I am a D student and they will not benefit me in my dream of art. I do not want to go to that. Not again. I just can't do it.. But if I don't do anything then I will have to leave home. Which also I am picked on by a few people in my home too. One reason I am always alone in my room with my dog. If not my mother that will make me leave, then it will be my older brother. By force if he has too, which I know he will... I will have no choice but to leave to another town or even state and just.... Do something..... Anything. Even if I have to live outside and draw there.
I don't fucking know. I really don't know what in the hell I am gonna do then... I can't lose my job, but if I do stay, I will never have no energy to draw and improve. I literally have not tried to learn anything from my Master as of late because I have not tried anything at all to get my ass to dtow. I just lock myself away upstairs wishing for things to get better.... I don't know..... I don't know what I am gonna do... I don't wanna give up on art.. But I still need to, in one case, help. And want to help for the other case. But will remained drained... If I do have to leave home, I will just wander around and draw. Maybe. I don't god fucking dammit know.... And I already know for goddamn sure I will not go back to school that has no benefit for me.. And that there is no work here in this hellhole town, or even in the surrounding towns. Aye ya.......... I have not done a single thing since I have finished Balto.. Just sketches that remain unfinished because I just don't want too finish them... All because of everything going on... I just have so many bad feelings... I have not gotten good sleep, I am just over eating, and my hygiene has depleted. My face has not been shaved, and my hair is a mess. Hell. I don't even comb my hair 100 times anymore. And I love my hair. I just feel awful. No motivation, no energy and no passion to improve... But what can I do... I don't know... I just don't know.....
Whatever log this is....
For awhile now I have had awful feelings of depression. I am not happy with where I stand now. I have not drawn a single goddamn piece of art in a long while because I once again have no motivation or energy to draw.. I blame my fucking job... Always have.. It's drained me of all my motive to become a better artist. Art is my dream. My passion. I live to do art. My purpose here is to do art. I want to learn it. But my computer is only collecting dust.. I barely open it up. But day in and day out i have to report to work, and it is so miserable being complained at all day standing for hours on end expected to constantly move around in circles. I'm not happy. At all. And another thing is is that I may end up being fired because I am always getting in trouble for my lack of performance. I have no motivation to work there though.. I may say it's good that I do not have to work but the thing is I have no choice. If I do not have a job, then I can't help those who have asked for my help. I can't just turn my back like that. And second, there is no work here in this small area I live at. It will tale forever to find work. Lastly, if I do not have work I will have to go to school which is stress beyond stress taking classes that are stupid hard because I am a D student and they will not benefit me in my dream of art. I do not want to go to that. Not again. I just can't do it.. But if I don't do anything then I will have to leave home. Which also I am picked on by a few people in my home too. One reason I am always alone in my room with my dog. If not my mother that will make me leave, then it will be my older brother. By force if he has too, which I know he will... I will have no choice but to leave to another town or even state and just.... Do something..... Anything. Even if I have to live outside and draw there.
I don't fucking know. I really don't know what in the hell I am gonna do then... I can't lose my job, but if I do stay, I will never have no energy to draw and improve. I literally have not tried to learn anything from my Master as of late because I have not tried anything at all to get my ass to dtow. I just lock myself away upstairs wishing for things to get better.... I don't know..... I don't know what I am gonna do... I don't wanna give up on art.. But I still need to, in one case, help. And want to help for the other case. But will remained drained... If I do have to leave home, I will just wander around and draw. Maybe. I don't god fucking dammit know.... And I already know for goddamn sure I will not go back to school that has no benefit for me.. And that there is no work here in this hellhole town, or even in the surrounding towns. Aye ya.......... I have not done a single thing since I have finished Balto.. Just sketches that remain unfinished because I just don't want too finish them... All because of everything going on... I just have so many bad feelings... I have not gotten good sleep, I am just over eating, and my hygiene has depleted. My face has not been shaved, and my hair is a mess. Hell. I don't even comb my hair 100 times anymore. And I love my hair. I just feel awful. No motivation, no energy and no passion to improve... But what can I do... I don't know... I just don't know.....
I'm serious, though. Don't say "maybe later", don't say "I'll look into it". Join a group, and make some friends. I promise you, you won't regret it.
Believe in me, i agree with your old dear master Blitz. You have absolutely to surround yourself with positive friends and good people that is able to understand you and your situation. You absolutely must not throw away your wonderful dream without trying and try again. I know that work if you don't like it, it's frustrating, depressing and draining your energy, but there's always something or someone to hope for and lean on. Are then you seriously sure that your family can treat you coldly, if you left that horrible job? On the one hand i tell you that you're lucky to have a job (that sucks and i believe in you), i unfortunately, i'm still looking for a new one from the end of the 2016. Fortunately, my family and my granny are close to me... aww, if only i could be there with you to encourage you Tetsu! But you have to be strong, maybe these are just hard tests of your life, i don't know, but i know i'll stay close to you always to support you my great friend.
Listen to me, Blitz, Dante and all your closest friends. You'll make it, you'll see Tetsu, the important thing is that you don't give up. And your art, will soon return to shine! *big hugs from me and my best wishes to you sweetie*