This isn't a New Years resolution in the strictest sense; I'm not really one for those things, less so out of worry of breaking from it and more that I want to try improving myself without a specific day of the year.

Whether it's because of my anxiety or other issues, perhaps my own self-centered nature, I tend to self-analyze a lot. This past year, I got into a number of spats, both private and public that forced me even more to look at how I interact with people.

I'm blunt at times. Regardless of the roots of that particular part of my personality, it does result in me interacting with folks in exacting ways. If you ask me for my opinion, I'll offer it. If you ask what I think about you or your art, prepare for something telling. I've tried to be a little softer in my explanations, a little more considerate of how people may interpret my text, which is notorious for suggesting connotations that are unlikely to be there.

I also allow myself to be personally antagonized fairly easily. There isn't a rhyme or a reason to whether or not I'll take something personally as a defense, but if I know you fairly well, it's less likely (or at least less frequent) that what you say will be taken in a negative manner.

That being said, I have come to clash with some heavy personalities in the past year. In one case, I certainly did wrong in not withdrawing from a clearly antagonistic conversation, and in the other, I was sought out over a reminder of some rules that were in violation. The former conversation required the mediation of an outside source, and eventually, it was resolved. I don't necessarily feel bad about what I said, which was definitely aggressive in its own right, but I did learn about what I can do to be more productive in that situation. The second, however, was a situation where I felt backed into a corner, and rather than counter-antagonize like the first situation, I tried to step back, tried to maintain a cool head, even if I felt justified in snarking. In both cases, I was honest in my words, but in the second, I tried to deploy that honesty with more thought. I didn't need to say everything, and once I saw it wasn't going to be productive, I politely informed the other person that I was not going to further engage in it. It resulted in a rather shitty comment and a mildly sexist "honey" being tossed out, but it didn't escalate, which was the important part.

In my time with the FBA (because this is basically the only community that I partake in online), several bridges have been burned between me and other individuals. I didn't start all of the fires, but I admittedly have done little to extinguish them before it was too late. I'm responsible for what I've done, but whether it was read onto me or I participated in it, I have attracted some manner of toxicity.

The change I want to make is one that takes time, but I hope that it is one that can heal some of the damage I've engaged with. I want to spend a little more time thinking about what I say and how I say it, a strange thing I have to work on given my profession. Creatively, I live in words, but as I relate to other people, I'm rather stunted.

My opinionated nature may not change, nor do I fully want it to, but I'd like to use my gut-reaction self in a more productive way.

To the folks I've wronged or that feel wronged by me, I apologize (in most cases) for my part in the negative feelings that have spawned between us.

I'm a teacher, and I want always to have people learn, whether it be me, them, or a combination of the two. I want to learn from the mistakes I've made.

...But don't call me "honey." Ever. There are a precious few who can do that, and you'll know if you're one of them.

All and all, I want to keep moving forward. I want to listen more effectively. I want to respond more thoughtfully. My honesty may not change, but my consideration for others will.