As per routine, my parents spent the past few days yelling at each other. I used to be worried and even fearful. Now I just sigh and roll my eyes as I go back to my furry porn. My family always had rough times but...it feels this happens more than it should. And yet....I can't bring myself to care anymore. Not a day goes by without someone screaming (usually at the retarded dog for barking non stop) and I've grown to accept it as normal. Nothing really makes me happy these days. Sure, I got a few friends online I can talk to and I have a job, but those aren't really cutting it anymore; customers at my job are so damn rude and abrasive while my friends are busy 24/7 so I am left to pretty much talk to no one.

I haven't been happy in a long time. I can't even remember the last time I legiti felt happy and that scares me more than anything.

Sure, I can watch a funny video and get a laugh out of it, but that's not really what happiness is. You have to find something worth living for. Something that makes you stop and say "I'm happy to be alive." I can't find that. I have no joy in my heart. Things have been so miserable here that I've learned to accept it because nothing will change. How can it change to begin with? My sister always told me that "things will get better" and "you can't take what mom says to you seriously/she doesn't mean it", but after a while, it's just empty words that ring hollow. I've learned to accept being miserable because it's the only constant that I know. Happiness is only something I get to see in games and movies.

I don't know when was the last time I felt happy. That depresses me more than anything, and yet...it is all I have grown to known and endure. Whatever hope I had in my life has been long gone and forgotten. The more things change, the more they stay the same.