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A chapter of my life begins
7 years ago
General
Allright, in my last entry I talked about how I got here. Now it's time to explain why I feel really lost right now.
Seems natural that after striving for something for about 10 years, and then losing it barely a year in, I would feel weird. I don't really regret my decicion. It was a bad job for me, and I have new goals in sight now. However there's some concerns about... if things won't go wrong again.
Also there's how I was told that I am very lacking in terms of knowledge/skill in terms of aestethics, and I believe it. I'm in no desire to challenge that idea. It makes sense. I experienced it at work! I think like a programmer, not an artist! It's not even making as sad, as it likely should! I accepted it, and given how much pain this caused me, I'm more than willing to give up, and instead do something purely logical/mathemathical, like programming.
This leaves me feeling weird when drawing. Knowing that I am exceptionally lacking in these areas. Kind of makes me question if I ever had fun drawing.
I also need to point out that ever since coming to Germany, I hadn't made a single review video. I lost my motivation there as well.
Who knows, maybe it'll all get back to me in due time, but as of now, I feel quite burned out. I see promise of change on the horizon, but most definitely, it's not quite there yet. Here's hoping for my eventual return to my former shape.
Seems natural that after striving for something for about 10 years, and then losing it barely a year in, I would feel weird. I don't really regret my decicion. It was a bad job for me, and I have new goals in sight now. However there's some concerns about... if things won't go wrong again.
Also there's how I was told that I am very lacking in terms of knowledge/skill in terms of aestethics, and I believe it. I'm in no desire to challenge that idea. It makes sense. I experienced it at work! I think like a programmer, not an artist! It's not even making as sad, as it likely should! I accepted it, and given how much pain this caused me, I'm more than willing to give up, and instead do something purely logical/mathemathical, like programming.
This leaves me feeling weird when drawing. Knowing that I am exceptionally lacking in these areas. Kind of makes me question if I ever had fun drawing.
I also need to point out that ever since coming to Germany, I hadn't made a single review video. I lost my motivation there as well.
Who knows, maybe it'll all get back to me in due time, but as of now, I feel quite burned out. I see promise of change on the horizon, but most definitely, it's not quite there yet. Here's hoping for my eventual return to my former shape.
Thanks Ben :)