Today I had to talk to a friend of the family... his wife of forty years passed away after battling cancer for four years. He was my father's best man, and a friend of the family though after moving I was always distant we would also be friendly at Christmas when we would meet up, talk etc.

I called him like my dad asked me too, to check up on him. I could hear it through the phone... the loss, his voice quivered, he seemed old, tired... this was not the happy laughing fellow I saw at Christmas this year. I'm not good at cheering people up, maybe I'm to blunt, or maybe it's just that my emotions are too deadened as of late, rationally he lived a long life, he got to spend forty years with a woman he loved... I was envious as he said those words.

Talking to this man about his wife, about how long and happy he got to spend of a life with her, it took a lot out of me today... I wish I got to spend that much time with someone I love... I wish I hadn't lost the girl I love.