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8-3-09
16 years ago
Well.. Its bin a wile sense I posted a journal like this... It well over due, I have to get this off my chest. And I must find a better way in life, Or I will not last much longer...
To start things off, I have gone the last month with no stove... There is one hooked up in the basement due to my dad being to much of a tight ass to run the wire for it the first time. So anytime I want to make something I have to go to the basement just to make something to eat... There is still no shower ran. And I will almost bet that it will never be ran. And this is based on my brothers girl friend getting approved for a house lone. So Yep my brother is moving out. And the best part about it is.. I can barely afford to live hear as it is.. And no the bills will be only split 2 way's.. Plus my brother I can more or less bet he is done with doing work around this house. And I can forget getting my brother to work on the caddy. I will get the excuse that he haves to do stuff with the house. And the trooper I'm going to have to fix the ebrake cable my self.
I could just go on with the amount of shit that is now going wrong in my life... I mean shit that I have just not talked about due to trying to look on the brite side. And well That is done for now... I am tried of going fucking hungry because of bills or trying to fix my shit car's.... I am so tired of getting the short end of the stick. And I am so tired of always having to do something els... Everytime I turn around I got to do something for my sister or my mom.... Or I have my nephew stuck up my ass... Or I have to hear my sister blow up on my nephew.
Its really getting to be guy's.... I'm starting to understand what pushes people to the point of suicide..
To start things off, I have gone the last month with no stove... There is one hooked up in the basement due to my dad being to much of a tight ass to run the wire for it the first time. So anytime I want to make something I have to go to the basement just to make something to eat... There is still no shower ran. And I will almost bet that it will never be ran. And this is based on my brothers girl friend getting approved for a house lone. So Yep my brother is moving out. And the best part about it is.. I can barely afford to live hear as it is.. And no the bills will be only split 2 way's.. Plus my brother I can more or less bet he is done with doing work around this house. And I can forget getting my brother to work on the caddy. I will get the excuse that he haves to do stuff with the house. And the trooper I'm going to have to fix the ebrake cable my self.
I could just go on with the amount of shit that is now going wrong in my life... I mean shit that I have just not talked about due to trying to look on the brite side. And well That is done for now... I am tried of going fucking hungry because of bills or trying to fix my shit car's.... I am so tired of getting the short end of the stick. And I am so tired of always having to do something els... Everytime I turn around I got to do something for my sister or my mom.... Or I have my nephew stuck up my ass... Or I have to hear my sister blow up on my nephew.
Its really getting to be guy's.... I'm starting to understand what pushes people to the point of suicide..
Hang in there! As crazy as it may sound to you by now, things can start looking up soon... just hang in there!
You're most certainly welcome... I wish you the best in your future... :o)
You're in a shitty situation and need out. If you need some help, I will do what I can. I have a job which affords me the opportunity to help others. Seriously.
Also, when you need/want to get away from it out there, I'm just around 4 hours east of Pittsburgh. Take PA Turnpike (and LOTS of caffeine to keep you awake) to I-83 S. I'm right off of one of the exits. If you can't afford a hotel, I can put you up some place. Also, there's LOTS to do out here - especially if you're a 1) history geek, 2) chocolate obsessed (Hershey is just 45 minutes from here), 3) nature nerd (lots of hiking/biking!) and other stuff (shopping, museums, Baltimore's Inner Harbor is around an hour south). :D Sorry, I'm not going to an Oriole's game, though. :P Don't like baseball.
As for housing, I don't know about Pittsburgh but if it's home to AC there must be other furries there. Wouldn't it be neat to live with others who share your interest? ...well, maybe, maybe not, but at least you should be able to find them. So find somebody to share rent with, find a big apartment and just leave your family. Sure you love them, but they're driving you crazy!
As for money, you've already talked to your boss. With the economy the way it is it's not a good time to ask for a raise, obviously. But maybe there's some other way he could help you earn more? You know, try for a more responsible job in the company or maybe work some overtime, something like that. Can it hurt to ask?
From the way I read this journal, it doesn't seem like you're really thinking about suicide, just feeling pretty desperate. If I'm wrong though, there is a choice. You can end your life. You can change your life. Or you can go crazy. I'd go with change, it's more fun. (Hey, otters know about fun!)
either non-supportive or just want you out of their sight with the shit duties
they saddle you with. Yes, it's enough to drive one to suicide, and no, like
everyone else said, it is not the answer.
Sorry if I was late about my comments or anything, but I hope you are
doing okay, and I'm sorry if I couldn't offer more than that.