I had a moment of clarity on something that I've been mulling over for a month or two now. At this point I haven't drawn anything for myself in the last 8 months, haven't had the desire to do so, and still don't. This has also translated over to my sense of follow-through when it comes to art for others. My job drains the life out of me and drawing is the last thing on my mind when I get home, my legs and back are killing me and I just want to lay down and relax and lately, art has become more a chore than a hobby, and that has drained any of the enjoyment that I got from it out.

Just so there's a little background here, I suffer from a condition known as Unipolar Depressive Disorder, and when it starts getting really bad manifests symptoms not unlike Fibromyalgia in my joints (that latter part is my early warning sign to get help). I had been very well managed for years while I was in college, lots of people around, and tones of stuff to keep my mind occupied and away from inward reflection. But as of December of 2017, I had a relapse that hangs around my neck like a lead noose. So I had to go back on my meds pretty immediately and there's a particularly sad side-effect of the anti-depressants I'm taking. For the symptoms these are ideal, but the pretty much stymy the creative process in my head. At two points in my life, at ages 11 and 17, I was a very real suicide risk, almost actually did it the second time >..>, and was put on Prozac when I was 11. I refuse to let it get to that point ever again so, art as a whole from me doesn't happen all that easily anymore. To this day I still think a stick in the mud has better self-esteem than I do, and I honestly don't think very much of myself at any given time unless I'm depressed and then I'm just a waste of space :/

I thought taking requests to try to keep me drawing would help but it's had the opposite effect. So for the moment I'm no longer taking on any requests, any current requests are suspended indefinitely, and at some point I had been thinking of trying commission work, but at this point that has become a hard "nope not doing it". So I may not be posting my half-assed character work for a while, but I do thank those of you for finding something you found in my work worth attention these last 10~11 years.

And for the record, I'm not taking my gallery down or anything like that, and I'm not disappearing, I'll still answer notes, comment and do shout backs, it's just for the moment I'm making a shift from a maker to a fav + watch, I just don't have the creativity bug anymore.