I feel like, maybe talking about this will help me get over it, move on. I'm not going to go into much detail about this or name names, you know who you are.

I don't really know how to even start this. It's sort of a rant, sort of a venting of emotion. Airing out the dirty laundry so to speak is a way you could look at it.

Obviously if you follow me you know I'm into the whole ab/dl thing. That I'm a little and that sort of thing. For the past three or four years I've been in a daddy/little relationship with someone. (Again not naming names you know who you are.)

At first I was very hesitant. Many people told me bad things about this person. Many people told me they lied, had done bad things, or were just a bad person in general. It took me a few months to really get over the person's past and see them for the person they were trying to be for me. They wanted to be there for me in a way that I never knew I wanted. Things went great and for the 3 or 4 years I was led along to believe that this person would come visit me. Every time it got close it would always get put off, always some reason. Lost job, sick, so on and so forth. That didn't matter to me at the time though. I felt that inside this person would never lie to me, would never lead me along. I knew that someday they'd fulfill their promise to me.

So I let it go, I would still talk about our plans to meet and have an awesome week as "Daddy/Little" together. This person also took it upon themselves to supply me with diapers so I could start wearing 24/7. This started about a year ago. I was thrilled! I said yes almost immediately. It's something I had wanted for so long but never had the ability to make come true myself. The idea was there's. I said yes. In hindsight I should have thought about this, but at the time I did think it was too good to be true but I let it happen. When the promise was fulfilled and I got my first resupply I was extremely happy. Things were going well. I was spending time with this person online, I was talking to them, we got along so well.

Overtime however, I noticed this person started to distance them self from our relationship. And for me it seemed like it devolved into them just getting me stuff to make me shut up about wanting to spend time with them. After about 4 or 5 months of trying to spend time with this person to no avail I confronted them about it. I wanted our relationship to go back to how it had been, I wanted things to go back to how it used to be where I was able to spend time with this person, where I could just talk to them about stupid things and not feel like I was bothering them. I asked about spending more time with them, they replied with the response of being busy lately with work and some other things. I didn't want to let it go but I figured I'd revisit it once their life wasn't so hectic.

The only times the person seemed like they would reply to me was if they were talking about getting me stuff, so naturally I took the opportunity of the scheduled diaper resupply time to confront them again about our relationship. I wanted to fix this. I wanted to make it better before it blew up.

The (I think it was Monday or Tuesday) after this conversation with them I went into the hospital for surgery. This was in February. Upon returning home from the hospital I went to sleep immediately and proceeded to sleep for the next almost 24 hours. When I woke up I had during that time of sleeping and recovery, received a message from this person stating that I had been "Using them for free things" and that I was "Manipulative" and overall "Bad" Upon trying to respond I discovered I had been blocked by this person. I was torn up. I cried every day that week trying to recontact this person to find out what had happened.

Eventually through a bit of persuasion I got a mutual friend to convince him to reply to me and talk about it. He was upset saying I should be happy for him, that he had a girlfriend and that all of this wonderful stuff was happening for him. I knew nothing about this. He had never told me. I was left in the dark, I considered him family and he just left me in the dark on his life. We talked briefly but it devolved, he snapped at me, again trying to claim I was manipulative and that it was all about the stuff. And honestly at that point, yeah I was a little ticked off about the stuff. You can't go for a year and a half of having someone wear diapers 24/7 then just cut them off cold turkey. Anyone who's worn for an extended period of time knows this. But I digress.

The week prior to all of this happening I was happy trying to talk with them about our plans for meeting in the future. I was trying to spend more time with them and make our relationship be more than just materialistic things. I was tossed aside. Blocked, my emotions played with, I was mentally abused. I wanted to believe that I had done something wrong, that I could fix it. But after talking with many people about it I was told that I had done nothing wrong. I still feel like it's my fault. Like I didn't do enough to fix this.

After the second encounter I again, cried almost every day. I still cry about it every other day. I was hurt so deeply to my core, I was finally making progress in life, with my anxiety, with my therapist, with work and school, only to have it rocked by this development. I've since slumped into a deep depression. This is why I've been relatively inactive here and other places lately.

In hindsight I wonder if I should have listened to those that told me this person was bad, that this person would only hurt me in the end. But I wouldn't trade what I had for anything. Those 3 or 4 years were some of the better years I've had. I just wish I could get it back.

It cut me deeply to find in their user 'shouts' that the same name he used to call me he was now calling his girlfriend. I was never into him romantically. We both knew this was purely a friendship, or sort of family thing but not a romantic relationship. It just seemed like I was used to satisfy his need for someone into similar things until he found someone to be in a relationship with.

In the end I'm left with many questions. Was it his girlfriend? Did she manipulate him? He did tell me others "pointed out to him" that he was being "Manipulated" by me. And after a quick look over his girlfriends account they seem like they might be a manipulator. Maybe, maybe it's not her at all, maybe it's some of his other friends. People who I know actively dislike me because of things that have happened in the past.

I just wish I could make this right. I had trust issues going into this friendship. . . after this I don't know how I'm supposed to trust anyone again. All of my inspiration to work on my stories and art is gone. I've found myself just wanting to sleep all of the time. My motivation to continue with my works is gone.

So, I guess the point of this is to let everyone know that I'm probably not going to be around much anymore. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. But I hope, that at some point in the future. I can return with my motivation restored. And maybe let the wounds heal.