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Demotivation
7 years ago
I've been finding it hard to draw lately, anything from scribbles and doodles to full pieces due to an event that happened recently that really demotivated me.
As my profile and previous journals read, I had been taking a college art class.
Though I was one of the top three students in the class (the other two being women in their 30's who are employed in actual art related careers), the teacher graded men harsher than women(not saying it was because she was a self declared divorcee and 2nd wave feminist, but it may have something to do with it) and didn't give out extra credit to them, the complete way she graded was entirely biased to opinion rather than work completed. I tried to ignore this fact and keep my head down and keep quiet about it, until towards the end of the quarter where she straight-up refused to grade my work due to an urgent change in her class schedule. Because this would've lowered my grade a whole letter, I contacted her supervisor and she was forced to grade it. I thought that would solve it, until she lowered my final grade by a whole 10% anyway because I got the flu and missed two days(even though I didn't miss any work), so I was punished excessively for simply being sick. Despite all my effort I had been lowered from a B to a C, yet students who were far worse got A's based on her bias. All the while I was taking a concurrent math class of which I had focused less on, and my grade on that suffered due to my focus on art as well.
This being said, after being treated as what I perceive to be so unfairly, I've found it hard to bother picking up a pencil at all. I know holding grudges isn't healthy and I shouldn't let the wrath of my superiors hold me down, but it's difficult to see past it if I can't even get a fair shot in life. I've dealt with bigoted and biased professors before, but to suffer to this extent due to it just seems like any future effort is hopeless. Honestly I've been contemplating giving up on my college education altogether, if I really can't even get a fair chance based off of what I am rather than what I can do (which is really starting to explain some of the drop-out statistics).
With this all going through my head, I've found it hard to even think about practicing art again. It's just left me feeling empty inside.
As my profile and previous journals read, I had been taking a college art class.
Though I was one of the top three students in the class (the other two being women in their 30's who are employed in actual art related careers), the teacher graded men harsher than women(not saying it was because she was a self declared divorcee and 2nd wave feminist, but it may have something to do with it) and didn't give out extra credit to them, the complete way she graded was entirely biased to opinion rather than work completed. I tried to ignore this fact and keep my head down and keep quiet about it, until towards the end of the quarter where she straight-up refused to grade my work due to an urgent change in her class schedule. Because this would've lowered my grade a whole letter, I contacted her supervisor and she was forced to grade it. I thought that would solve it, until she lowered my final grade by a whole 10% anyway because I got the flu and missed two days(even though I didn't miss any work), so I was punished excessively for simply being sick. Despite all my effort I had been lowered from a B to a C, yet students who were far worse got A's based on her bias. All the while I was taking a concurrent math class of which I had focused less on, and my grade on that suffered due to my focus on art as well.
This being said, after being treated as what I perceive to be so unfairly, I've found it hard to bother picking up a pencil at all. I know holding grudges isn't healthy and I shouldn't let the wrath of my superiors hold me down, but it's difficult to see past it if I can't even get a fair shot in life. I've dealt with bigoted and biased professors before, but to suffer to this extent due to it just seems like any future effort is hopeless. Honestly I've been contemplating giving up on my college education altogether, if I really can't even get a fair chance based off of what I am rather than what I can do (which is really starting to explain some of the drop-out statistics).
With this all going through my head, I've found it hard to even think about practicing art again. It's just left me feeling empty inside.
I'm always here to talk if you need, man. Just shoot me a note. *hugs*