also sorry to anyone annoyed by the "everything i can remember commissioning in the last 9 months" flood

anyways i guess im officially an old decrepit old man now and my life is almost over



guess ill take this opportunity to reflect on my progress for my goals this year and the positive and negative things that happened. full disclosure i am currently under the influence of a prescription drug that is used for short-term anxiety attacks and it does make me a little loopy

+ About a month ago i moved to a new apartment and its a pretty significant increase in my quality of life because i don't have frustrating loud roommates, no more mold, there's actually AC, and I don't have to worry about keeping quiet because of busybody brogrammers living on all sides of me is pretty great

+ (?) I got tricked into reinstalling warframe and it is taking up so much of my free time but I'm still enjoying it. Still no static in ff14 but I've managed to sometimes get pug/pf clears which isn't bad I guess. I like these games a lot but I've still got a massive pile of other games that I need to get through, but then I get home from work and end up just logging into an mmo or other forevergame like stellaris. WHOOPS

- I almost lost my job due to a combination of severe illness and depressive episodes that left me stuck in bed for almost 3 weeks back in January. I think I'm mostly better now. Changed antidepressants, and the apartment change helps a lot too.

- Around the time I was recovering from that, I was still missing work a lot and being late and all sorts of that sort of shit, culminating in an episode where my boss was yelling at me and I wound up passing out from anxiety and hyperventilation and spent the next two days in the ER due to collapsing on the spot in the office. It wasn't a great time and sometimes I still feel it coming on but through medications and new strategies around breathing and anxiety management it hasn't happened again. As a fun sidenote while I was there we discovered part of why I get sick so much and it turns out my blood cells are too small to do their job right. Its interesting but kinda lame

~ I never did found out a less bad way to phrase that "year goal : get a date" part. I'm not quite Actively working towards it so much as not even knowing where to start like where the heck do people even meet people how does any of this work at all aaaa i never learned how social works what even are girls

+ I spent my tax return on a roomba and a high quality mattress and it sounds weird but its hard to describe the quality of life change form having a clean living space and a comfortable bed like, even before i unpacked the bed and frame and stuff and just had it on the floor at this new place it was already better than my old boxspring. good carpet here too. i guess this sort of softness must trigger some tactile stuff in my brain or something

- my roomba keeps getting itself fucked up on my 100ft cat5 cable that i have coiled in the corner because i apparently never got around to buying a shorter one

+ I'm thinkin of buying like a stationary bike to sit in front of my tv. its a small studio apartment but its not like im usin the space for anything else. also thought about buying weights but didnt realize what they cost so it might be a longer term buy

+ also thinkin of starting to learn a language like german or something. heard its an easy language for english to learn


wow hah its like 2 am now goodnight people have great weekends wow i really lost the thread here