So hey. Since I'm basically working now instead of exclusively doing commissions and stuff I figured I'd start telling some entertaining stories that happen at work and man there was one this morning.

But quick info about my job. Right now I work Wednseday and Saturday, Wednesday 12-4:30 and Saturday is 8-11 then 4-6:30. There's three horses on the property-
Quatrina the 30 year old granny
Annie the 22 year old hunter
and Mouche the 26 year old big man on campus
All of them are rescues for different reasons and at different times but I won't get into this all now. Time for this mornings shenanigans with Mr. Asshole.

So the morning routine (8-11) is to get to the barn, get their food set up (they all have grass pellets, sunflower seeds, flax seed and a bunch of supplements for their breakfast and dinner and it takes a half hour for the pellets to soak in water) get their water buckets filled up in their stalls, then bring them all in from pasture before feeding them their breakfast and moving on to everything else that's gotta be done.

Now, usually, Mouche is a dick in the morning. But he's been behaving for the last couple weeks and has been basically right at the gate or will follow me to it to be brought in. This morning, Quatrina was wanting to come in first so, no biggy, I take her in then come back for either Mouche or Annie.

Mouche was the closest so I'm about right up on him and..

THIS MOTHERFUCKER SUDDENLY DECIDES HE DOENS'T WANNA COME IN. STARTS JUMPIN AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT, KICKS OUT AND RUNS OFF FARTING. So it's like... alright fuggin fine Mouche, be an asshole, I'll just get Annie then.

EXCEPT HE THEN CONVINCES ANNIE TO START BOOKING IT TO THE OTHER END OF THE PASTURE TOO. And Im just standing there with my hands out like "fuggin really guys?" and I hear my boss, Elizabeth (wonderful woman) call to me from her porch.

"Morning Rebecca! Is he being a dick??" Like even she knows Mouche is a fukkin dickhead sometimes.

So it becomes this combined effort with the both of us to try and trick them into coming back, Elizabeth says just try and grab Annie again while she's got some food scraps but NNNOOOOOPE fukkin Annie just starts jumpin and fartin all around again running circles around me so it's like "You know what FINE YOU LITTLE SHITS." and I go and start feeding Quatrina, thinkin that yknow they'll hear the food and be like "oh hey maybe I do wanna come in."

Works on Annie.

Not Mouche. Nooooooo not this morning. Not even Elizabeth can get him in so she fukkin comes strolling back through the barn while I'm grooming Annie and just throws her hands up and says "Fine! He can get fed at 11 for all I care. Rebecca dear, just go ahead and do everything in here while he's being an asshole." so I'm like "lol, k boss, got it." and

NOT EVEN 5 MINUTES LATER. WHO DO I FUCKIN HEAR WHINNYING AT THE FENCE LIKE HE'S BEEN WAITING THERE ALL ETERNITY.

FUCKING MOUCHE.

Me and Elizabeth BOTH just like shout back at him "OOOHHHHH NOW you wanna come in huh?" And Elizabeth fuggin tells me to just leave him standing there for bein a dick. Naughty child needs a timeout.

like 15 minutes later she brings him in herself and this asshole is acting like he's starving and it's like fukkin WELL Mouche if you had come in when you were supposed to. Feed him, go to groom him AND HES STILL BEING A DICKHEAD. Pullin his fukkin feet away from me, smacking me with his tail. Real pleased with himself. Like MOTHERFUCKER. Dont pull this shit with me I will spank your 1500 lb ass. TRY ME.

TLDR: Horses are majestic, asshole toddlers. Especially Mouche in the morning.