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STATUS: Where I am and how I'm doing...
7 years ago
I haven't exactly been active lately. So I think you guys deserve a bit of an explanation.
Where are you?
I've been online. I just... haven't been posting a lot of stuff publicly. Mostly I've been posting on my Patreon(link below) and just... reading. Watching analysis videos on youtube and writing down ideas in my various notebooks as they come.
I also stream regularly on Picarto during the evening, and that's where I take most of my commissions. Feel free to +follow me there if you have an account: https://picarto.tv/naughtyjester
I also recommend getting the Picarto addons for Firefox/Chrome. They'll alert you when someone you +follow is streaming. Less likely to miss streams that way.
How come you never post anything anymore?
Several reasons. First and foremost being that I don't think my work is all that desired by people in general. When I post, it seldom seems to get any recognition, and nothing I do ever seems to really "resonate" with people. I see my peers rocketing to popularity and leaving me in their exhaust, while I struggle to get even the most cursory of recognition for my efforts. My follower count has not gone up in any meaningful way in months. It's like nothing I make gets noticed, so I don't feel like trying. That, and... well... I don't feel welcome.
Every time I try to "fit in" or add my voice to anything, through art or text, I always end up shoving my foot in my mouth and swallowing all my blood-soaked teeth. I don't know if it's a simple lack of charisma/social grace or an actual mental disorder, but I don't do well. Big-name artists I admire are commissioning friends of mine. Some other big-name artists (sometimes the same ones) have blacklisted/ignored me. And the ones I care about the most simply don't have time for me. I feel... unwelcome and unwanted at the worst of times. And at the best of times, I feel like a stepping stone. I help others reach new heights while I remain exactly where I am, unnoticed, never accomplishing anything on my own. And the worst part is, I know that I'm to blame for absolutely every bad thing that has ever happened to me. So I can't even say that it's others' fault. I hate it.
Basically it feels like.... the world has moved on and rightfully thrown me away to languish in obscurity, forgotten. This is the main reason I never make my OWN erotic/pornographic art anymore, outside of commissions. Because I simply don't feel desirable. And I just... can't draw sexy porn of my own characters when I, the artist, feel worthless. I just can't.
I feel like much of the work I do doesn't deserve to be posted. If you've followed me for a while, you'd know that I've been working on a sci-fi comic project for a while now, and that it's been a slow-going thing. Well I haven't been posting anything from it lately because I don't feel like it's fair to keep posting "ideas and previews" without actually having anything to show for it, like an actual comic. It's not fair to the readers, and it's becoming like a "Duke Nukem Forever" situation. Hyping and hyping until people are sick of hearing about it.
Another reason I haven't been posting is because of a certain insane stalker who will not fucking leave me alone, and now is proclaiming his "undying love" for me, making me feel unsafe online. NOTHING I do seems to sway this psychopath, and posting art only seems to encourage him. That also discourages me from posting, and it's why I will not be posting any of my "inkblot" characters for the forseeable future.
Are you okay?
No, not really.
In terms of my "living situation..." That is, my financial/home/job situation, there doesn't seem to be any problem right now. So no worries there.
But health-wise, I'm not doing so well. No diseases or life-threatening conditions that I know of, but my depression and isolation is not conducive to good health. I'm overweight and unhealthy, and can't even remember the last time I laughed at anything. I take a Naproxen (pain killer) just so I can sleep. That, combined with certain dramatic events both online and in real life, doesn't make me feel good.
Any way I can help?
I don't think so. I feel like all I can do is weather the storm until things somehow get better or I can find a way out... though I don't see any way out right now.
Do you have any projects lined up?
As always, I'm working on my damn sci-fi story. But as I said, I don't think I should post anything about it until I can actually start it. So, no news there.
As for other projects... nothing comes to mind. It's POSSIBLE that I might have a part-time job as a character designer for a certain company in the future, but I have no concrete details to share on the situation, and I can't say anything for certain.
Either way, most of the work I post is on my Patreon, link below, and even though there seems to be nothing but dark clouds as far as the eye can see, I am still trying to improve my artistic skills in one way or another. Mostly I'm just trying to keep myself busy and keep my artistic skills from atrophying until I actually do feel like my....... young self again. When I was still worthwhile.
So... yeah. That's my current "status report" for those of you who have been curious about my whereabouts.
And now I'm going to go take a handful of vitamins. I heard Vitamin D helps with depression and health, so... it should help me feel better, right? :(
Where are you?
I've been online. I just... haven't been posting a lot of stuff publicly. Mostly I've been posting on my Patreon(link below) and just... reading. Watching analysis videos on youtube and writing down ideas in my various notebooks as they come.
I also stream regularly on Picarto during the evening, and that's where I take most of my commissions. Feel free to +follow me there if you have an account: https://picarto.tv/naughtyjester
I also recommend getting the Picarto addons for Firefox/Chrome. They'll alert you when someone you +follow is streaming. Less likely to miss streams that way.
How come you never post anything anymore?
Several reasons. First and foremost being that I don't think my work is all that desired by people in general. When I post, it seldom seems to get any recognition, and nothing I do ever seems to really "resonate" with people. I see my peers rocketing to popularity and leaving me in their exhaust, while I struggle to get even the most cursory of recognition for my efforts. My follower count has not gone up in any meaningful way in months. It's like nothing I make gets noticed, so I don't feel like trying. That, and... well... I don't feel welcome.
Every time I try to "fit in" or add my voice to anything, through art or text, I always end up shoving my foot in my mouth and swallowing all my blood-soaked teeth. I don't know if it's a simple lack of charisma/social grace or an actual mental disorder, but I don't do well. Big-name artists I admire are commissioning friends of mine. Some other big-name artists (sometimes the same ones) have blacklisted/ignored me. And the ones I care about the most simply don't have time for me. I feel... unwelcome and unwanted at the worst of times. And at the best of times, I feel like a stepping stone. I help others reach new heights while I remain exactly where I am, unnoticed, never accomplishing anything on my own. And the worst part is, I know that I'm to blame for absolutely every bad thing that has ever happened to me. So I can't even say that it's others' fault. I hate it.
Basically it feels like.... the world has moved on and rightfully thrown me away to languish in obscurity, forgotten. This is the main reason I never make my OWN erotic/pornographic art anymore, outside of commissions. Because I simply don't feel desirable. And I just... can't draw sexy porn of my own characters when I, the artist, feel worthless. I just can't.
I feel like much of the work I do doesn't deserve to be posted. If you've followed me for a while, you'd know that I've been working on a sci-fi comic project for a while now, and that it's been a slow-going thing. Well I haven't been posting anything from it lately because I don't feel like it's fair to keep posting "ideas and previews" without actually having anything to show for it, like an actual comic. It's not fair to the readers, and it's becoming like a "Duke Nukem Forever" situation. Hyping and hyping until people are sick of hearing about it.
Another reason I haven't been posting is because of a certain insane stalker who will not fucking leave me alone, and now is proclaiming his "undying love" for me, making me feel unsafe online. NOTHING I do seems to sway this psychopath, and posting art only seems to encourage him. That also discourages me from posting, and it's why I will not be posting any of my "inkblot" characters for the forseeable future.
Are you okay?
No, not really.
In terms of my "living situation..." That is, my financial/home/job situation, there doesn't seem to be any problem right now. So no worries there.
But health-wise, I'm not doing so well. No diseases or life-threatening conditions that I know of, but my depression and isolation is not conducive to good health. I'm overweight and unhealthy, and can't even remember the last time I laughed at anything. I take a Naproxen (pain killer) just so I can sleep. That, combined with certain dramatic events both online and in real life, doesn't make me feel good.
Any way I can help?
I don't think so. I feel like all I can do is weather the storm until things somehow get better or I can find a way out... though I don't see any way out right now.
Do you have any projects lined up?
As always, I'm working on my damn sci-fi story. But as I said, I don't think I should post anything about it until I can actually start it. So, no news there.
As for other projects... nothing comes to mind. It's POSSIBLE that I might have a part-time job as a character designer for a certain company in the future, but I have no concrete details to share on the situation, and I can't say anything for certain.
Either way, most of the work I post is on my Patreon, link below, and even though there seems to be nothing but dark clouds as far as the eye can see, I am still trying to improve my artistic skills in one way or another. Mostly I'm just trying to keep myself busy and keep my artistic skills from atrophying until I actually do feel like my....... young self again. When I was still worthwhile.
So... yeah. That's my current "status report" for those of you who have been curious about my whereabouts.
And now I'm going to go take a handful of vitamins. I heard Vitamin D helps with depression and health, so... it should help me feel better, right? :(
One of the best things you can do for depression is long walks. Regular exercise often has results comparable to proper antidepressants, and you don't need to deal with doctor bullshit to get at it.
My brother suffered from serious depression for much of his life, which medication could only take the edge off instead of stop; what helped him take control of it was serious weightlifting.
You've been a fine artist as long as I've been following you; I doubt that'll have changed once you find your way out from under this cloud.
We're rooting for you, Beau.
If it doesn't work, seek different help.
If you have trouble affording help, look online for places that can accommodate your financial situation. They're out there and can get you assistance.
Whatever you do, don't try to go it alone. I did, and it was a disaster.
I definitely understand struggling to get recognition. Only thing I know to change that is active posting though
*sigh*
Now, as for your art, I don't know what else I have to say except you're a good artist based on what I've seen. A great artist. I can never know you personally, but you're still really good wherever you are. And despite seeing a lot of comments and favorites here and there, and encouragement here and the streams, it's sad you still feel the opposite. If you really think you need to improve, then no one can say no to that. That's how an artist, and careers in life, works. Doubt's one thing, but not to the point where you think nothing matters.
Unfortunately, I can't say much about how your personal life is dealt. All I can say is some rest, talk to friends or family (anyone you know well) about what's going on, make some light changes (whatever those are), maybe even draw something in a way you never ever done before, and hope for the best.
Hopefully, you'll come back refreshed for yourself and everyone. Get well soon.
As for the rest, thanks for the kind words. And I am always trying to improve my craft in one way or another. Which naturally, means lots of experimentation. I'm just glad I found an art program (Clip Studio Paint) that's versatile enough to allow said experimentation.
For what it's worth, I really enjoy your art and have for years.
In fact you're one of only a few I watch on here that posts things other than furry art and I'm quite OK with it.
Regardless of the situation financially wise, hell, I wish I could help. Being this far away makes that a tad difficult. >.>
You should never feel too pressured or embarrassed about your works, if you're proud of what you make, to hell with the negativity that often fires away on this platform. You do you!
I too have seen certain artists rocket ahead while others stay behind, I find it's usually do to one artist would appeal to the masses, posting what they know will garner lots of views where other more passionate artists get somewhat ignored for posting something other than gratuitous dick pics etc. It happens XD
I do hope you find some solid ground soon. Power to you, buddy :)
But I usually only do fan art when something really speaks to me. And nothing really seems all that interesting to me lately, you know?
Thank you for your kind words.
First of all, we do care about you and your drawings - maybe you do not get much more watchers, but think about all those you already got and who are faithful. Don't hunt the shadow when you've already got everything at home (God, you've got THREE TIMES more watchers than me, when I consider myself lucky!!!!).
Then, I'd like to tell you something about feedbacks. Like every artists, you love feedbacks (that's one of our main fuels indeed). But this is a TWO-WAY relationship, and fans also like a lot their favourite artist to comment back. Look at the comments you received on each of your pictures, on how much of those did YOU answer? I'll tell you what it feels like for the fans: that you just don't care. So after a while, they don't bother comment anymore. I made it my goal to answer EVERY nice comment (also not nice ones when they are constructive) I receive (when I can, lol @ those who post nice comments and block you so you can't thank them back X-D ), even a simple smiley when I don't know what to say or just to acknowledge my watcher's feedback, and I think this is quite appreciated, since even the most modest doodle I post receive what I can call a significant amount of feedbacks - and even though I stopped posting for several years and believed most forgot about me.
Besides, thinking about how the others feel got a nice side effect, it helps thinking less about yourself and opens your mind to happiness again when you finally got some feedback about it.
End of the lesson LOL
You don't seriously expect me to respond to absolutely every comment, do you? I DO try to respond when I can. I'm working hard here, harder than a lot of people seem to realize. :(
Now do what you want/can/feel with that advice, but you should keep it in mind in my opinion. Answering to your fans do not take hours, and as you imply yourself, it is just a very very small fraction of the time you need to create a picture, for a feedback that can be inversely proportional. So many outstanding artists (and scientists, workers, people generally speaking) are totally under- or mis- estimated just because of lack of human interaction. You KNOW that is the truth, unfortunately. Look at me: I am far less skilled, I am posting less than you, I do not even do any colors, but I receive more feedbacks than you. Why? Why that?? Just look at everything I said above.
Thank you for your concern and feedback on the matter, but my comments section is truly not the problem here. And I NEED to get some work done before I go to bed. :(
I hope you will find your answers soon, but once again, look at the comments from your other fans above, and keep in mind you have the recognition you deserve. I could multiply the examples but you indeed got better to do right now.
Take care, and please, stop torturing yourself.
Best wishes, and I hope that you start to recover soon. :)
P.D. We miss your art A LOT
Anyway I'd rather focus on the good, and the good is that you are accomplishing art. You have many fans who care, which is important.
I suppose I will end this with: take care of yourself. You seem to doing better than most with the vitamin regimen, which helps.
*friendly hugs of comfort *
But you ain’t feeling wonderful right about now. People already told you to seek some professional help and I second that. There’s ones with sliding fee scales of money is tight.
But you knew that cuz you’re 1 smart cookie, right? So looka, the next bit is getting outta the isolation. Isolation is baaaaad magic when you’re down in the hole. If you can afford the gas money or maybe public transportation or maybe your in bike distance, I’d recommend volunteering somewhere. You get to talk with people AND excercise. If you want some floofy frens instead tho there’s usually some dog shelters in need of people. If that ain’t up yer alley, maybe some exercise. Moving around helps with all the chemicals that are making your frown not be upside down.
Ah whatever. Sorry if ya heard this one before, but I’m rootin for ya!
To be honest, when I bowse and I see an art of you, I know immediatly you made it because of your artstyle,to be honest.
For depression, I know too well this problem, I have depression, anxiety and add , you write you take vitamin d , but you can get some by the sun outside, all you need is behing outdoor and walk as an exercice is beneficial too, I don't know what kind of job you do, but you need a routine to fight this monster, maybe find an activity , or sport for your mental health can greatly help you , plus, you lose weight , as motivator .
What do you eat too? have you try the keto diet for mental health and weight? I read some feedback about the mental health department, and it seem is changed the life of many buddy who have concentration problem, depression, bipolar and such , so, ok it's not really popular I think, but you still can still give a try , at least, yif it's not for you, try the paleo diet , and try to eat real whole food, because it's essential for a good physical, and mental health.
To be honest, I strated with medication for fight depression and I plan to do exercice, now, I think without it, I couldn't make a goal and try to do it, if you think medication is not for you, visualize as a a plaster to repair a broken bone, it's annoying but the point is, it is temporal , just to help you to step forward your life on a better quality.
I have to say, that it's intriged that many artist have depression , and you are not alone in this fight, we know the struggle on a everyday basis , and we are all here for you to make sure you are cared.
I wish you give feedback on your situation to know if you are ok, lapinbeau , I wish you love and a great hope you have good things in your life, and that your mental health improve on the good side , you deserve much love in this life and we care for you
Have a great day lapinbeau.