Hey all,

So I didn't want to post this on here.. because A.) I don't want pity.. and B.) I was unsure if it was just... a mistake.. or something.. but during the month of April, I visited my family for my birthday only to discover my dad had cancer... Its been an emotional mess for me.. I always try to hide my feelings behind humor.. Its what I've always done..

But to be honest.. hearing this news has really dampened my spirits as of late.. The worst part is.. He keeps going for meetings with various doctors and medical practitioners in Toronto and there are very little positive results in terms of a cure.. Or anything to help slow it down.. Apparently he was diagnosed too late...

He's never smoked a day in his life.. never been around anybody who smoked.. at least.. not that I am aware of... Realistically this never should have happened... The man is healthier than I am...

I just don't understand what the hell happened... and now I have to wake up each fucking morning worrying about whether I'm going to see him again or not... I'm honestly shocked at how well he and my mom are taking it... Like it's no big thing...

"We all go sooner or later..." ... Yeah.. well.. I don't want my dad to go...

Meh.. Sorry for this journal .. Just ... Yeah...