To start off I'd like to apologize for my absence away from here and my other accounts but something happened a few months ago that sent me spiraling into a pretty bad place.

All relationships are things I take seriously and only go into them expecting things to work out in the long run, and for as long as this last one lasted it still fell apart the same way as the others. At least this time we are supposedly still friends after and they haven't blocked me for no reason like those before but the pain always hits hard. Those of you I felt close enough to talk to about it understand what happened and I will not be discussing it here. That's in the past and I am almost out of this dark tunnel.

As far as another relationship goes that is something that will have to wait unless that person wants to come back, but even then we will need to have a talk about things.

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This section is about being real so please don't get angry for what I'm about to say and this is just something I've grown to notice starting back in highschool.

There is more to life than sex. Getting the most lays and having kids is a primal urge and that is not what a connection should be all about.

Some of the smartest people I know have said the same thing with similar phrasing, but it all came down to the same thing. Love is not lust. Hate is not anger. Relationships are formed from love not lust. And when one side develops love and the other only has lust things will get messy.

A dream from last night helped me realize where things fell apart on both sides and I understand now. Things just take time to heal and even for my thick emotionless appearance I do have a soft center. Whether or not I grow comfortable enough to show it to you depends on how close we get. There are only a handful of people I've let get that close and every time now I've only gotten hurt because they either didn't want to deal with me, they lost interest in what I was offering them or didn't care anymore, feelings once had had now died away towards me. This has been the cycle now five times with some being longer than others.

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Falison is on hold until I get through some more things including the fall semester unless I somehow find time to work on it again. However Falison First Sequence continues to progress, the first of many books set before the comic timeline. I got myself into this by trying to make things right for someone and ended up only getting scooted aside. Now I am stuck forcing my way through six classes this fall when I normally only take four, just to be able to be done with college by May of next year. The stress will be a lot and now the only person I have left to talk to thankfully understand that stress.

Stress can make us act in ways we thought we were better than acting. It tests our friendships and relationships to see if they are true. Now as I wonder this world alone again with my small circle of five friends I will see if I am strong enough still to face the future.

S.Fox

P.s I know I'm not through the tunnel yet but I can see the light now and it feels warm.