In fact everything is terrible and almost every day I'm feeling like shit, very anxious, angry, sad, because of a lot of things going on with me and around me wich mostly are just beyond my reach so I can't do anything to change it... I'm more worried than excited that I'm going to Ireland seeing all the shit that is going on inside the EU, not only I'll be going alone there but I have a feeling that I'm going to be worse off there than if I stayed here in Brazil, specially now seeing about these Articles 11 and 13 that the EU is trying to implement, I might as well just give up on trying to make a living as an artist...

Speaking of wich, trying to make a living as an artist I think now wasn't a really good time to invest on this, I was hoping to get enough patrons and commissions before heading to Ireland that is just around 4 months for me to go and I'm still $6,000 Reais (Brazilian Currency) away from my goal wich is raise $12,000 so I can get through in Ireland's airport, now with just 4 months away, only a miracle for me to get to that ammount by myself, so right now I'm just trying to get as much as I can before I turn for my mother to help me with this as well. I think I've made a mistake by trying to earn money as an artist for this because I ain't that big when comes to audience and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, right now I just don't have many things to offer that would get people's interest, right now all I can do is flat colored art because I'm still learning how to shade, right now I'm trying to change the situation and also trying to put my Patreon for good use, trying new things so I have more things to offer, but now I'm seeing that this is not going to work, nobody seems interested no metter how generous I try to be with the things I have to offer.

Another thing that in the past few months I've been quite afraid of, since I began to be a bit more active on Twitter, I've just became more and more afraid of interacting with other furries, do or say anything that someone might disagreed and try to ruin my life because of it, because every day there I see someone being called out by someone because of something that they have said, something that they have drawn and even someone that they hang out with, often going around trying to assassinate people's character by trying to blow something out of proportion or just flat out lying, grasping for straws to tell people how "evil" or worse the person is. I hate seeing the behaviour of people there, it's very toxic and very hypocrite, because I often see them behaving like the person they claim to be fighting against... wich at this point is anyone that is not on their side every time, but hey, it's okay when they do because they are "the good guys"...

Another thing I wanted to adress is about the Q&A, it's been 5 months since I've opened and sorry to say for the people that I think they are still waiting for me to awnser, but I have to cancel it, I feel exausted of drawing and afraid to give an awnser to some of those questions, because no metter how I phrase it, I fear some of those "good guys" seeing and trying to fuck with me, and right now in I'm in a time that I really don't want to screw things up, FA is my biggest page so far and I don't want to risk loosing it because someone got a upset for poking fun or saying something that they didn't liked.

Anyway... I'm sorry if I was just rambling, but I really want to get some things out of my chest, I would like to illustrate what I'm feeling to vent out all the bad things that I'm feeling and I've been feeling for quite a while, but I'm tired and I have things to draw things for other people so I have to choose, or do I vent or make something for me to make me feel better, or do I make something for someone to get enough money for me to get in Ireland by myself for the exchange... the ladder for me at the moment seems more important, but anyway... For now I think that's all I have to say, cheers.