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Everything sucks
7 years ago
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Being an adult sucks.
Right now I'm being surrounded by two family members stepping on my toes, showing they don't want me here at all.
It makes sense to not want me around, I'm not social, I don't make friends easily or keep them easily. For my family I'm that one guy who grows vegetables in the garden and complains when they bring in dogs that target his plants for some fucked up weird reason. So, since I'm not social with them, I'm just a bother even if I don't really get in anyone's way over here.
Being an introvert makes it pretty tough to live around people in society, people just assumes one is angry and weird because of not accepting to go party and meet new people all the time. Other introverts would get it that some just needs more time alone to recharge between interactions and that's all.
But my family is not like that, I'm the only introvert, so I'm just weird and over the years they settled in the idea that I hate everything and I make problems out of nothing when I do speak out because they are stepping on my toes by making decisions related to the place we share, without talking anything out with me.
That's been my problem here for decades now, but it's getting really bad lately, talking with them does nothing, even when they agree to give me back some respect... it only takes a month or two before reverting back to doing things that affect me without regard of my opinion. I feel cornered... I want out.
I have no attachment to this place or the people anymore. I need to move out of here, but I don't make enough money to just rent an apartment on my own... I could probably cover the rent, but nothing else, no food or bills. So I'm looking through options. I really want to keep drawing, so I'll try to make it work around that first and foremost.
Good thing I was never self destructive, or I would be all broken under this depression and stress.
Yep, everything sucks right now.
Right now I'm being surrounded by two family members stepping on my toes, showing they don't want me here at all.
It makes sense to not want me around, I'm not social, I don't make friends easily or keep them easily. For my family I'm that one guy who grows vegetables in the garden and complains when they bring in dogs that target his plants for some fucked up weird reason. So, since I'm not social with them, I'm just a bother even if I don't really get in anyone's way over here.
Being an introvert makes it pretty tough to live around people in society, people just assumes one is angry and weird because of not accepting to go party and meet new people all the time. Other introverts would get it that some just needs more time alone to recharge between interactions and that's all.
But my family is not like that, I'm the only introvert, so I'm just weird and over the years they settled in the idea that I hate everything and I make problems out of nothing when I do speak out because they are stepping on my toes by making decisions related to the place we share, without talking anything out with me.
That's been my problem here for decades now, but it's getting really bad lately, talking with them does nothing, even when they agree to give me back some respect... it only takes a month or two before reverting back to doing things that affect me without regard of my opinion. I feel cornered... I want out.
I have no attachment to this place or the people anymore. I need to move out of here, but I don't make enough money to just rent an apartment on my own... I could probably cover the rent, but nothing else, no food or bills. So I'm looking through options. I really want to keep drawing, so I'll try to make it work around that first and foremost.
Good thing I was never self destructive, or I would be all broken under this depression and stress.
Yep, everything sucks right now.
I think it is important that your addressing your feelings because it could be so easy to let those people put you down and alienate you while your trying to be yourself but your putting your foot down and saying No i need change and in doing so you give yourself back respect. I am actually really proud of you because i really relate to this. Like needing constant distance from your social life at the expense of expanding friendships to your regret, being interpreted as cold and distant when in reality you have a lot to say internally, being constantly stepped on by other people while being passive even when you know your not in the wrong , exploding because you keep all the injustices and hypocrisies to yourself but your not going to take that anymore because you know you dont deserve it. people taking your explosion of anger the wrong way but in reality you showed boundless understanding to them and never complained.
Constantly remind yourself that you take your feelings seriously and that you want change and let it embolden you no matter the obstacles and how shy you feel. No matter how quiet you get no one can ever take away your thoughts and that is where your going to find the truth and justice for yourself.
If your ever feeling down talk to me.