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Why am I even here?
7 years ago
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Bearly in mind
Bearly in mind
After more than two years here, and nearly two years as a chakat and a year on one of the chakat servers, I have to many came a long way. However, somewhere in my mind is begging me to ask myself this question, why am I even here in the first place?
I kinda almost forgot. I’m sorry, but where is the worth these days? I’ve had enough sour grapes and plenty of things gone haywire, what else is next for me planned? I might as well get ready to be swept up by next morning by the skeleton crew. Also, sorry if I have been chewing on more than I can chew. I think I might have been disrespectful in some way and I just didn’t see it coming.
Why be here if I can’t love myself for who I am?
UPDATE: I have thought of a few things but I just need not forget the people who made being here and with them together a better time. Of all the darkness I have seen, I have yet seen so much light coming in from the very people I have met. Thank you for your understanding.
Whoever is reading the direct above, that means you. Thanks for being here sincerely...
I kinda almost forgot. I’m sorry, but where is the worth these days? I’ve had enough sour grapes and plenty of things gone haywire, what else is next for me planned? I might as well get ready to be swept up by next morning by the skeleton crew. Also, sorry if I have been chewing on more than I can chew. I think I might have been disrespectful in some way and I just didn’t see it coming.
Why be here if I can’t love myself for who I am?
UPDATE: I have thought of a few things but I just need not forget the people who made being here and with them together a better time. Of all the darkness I have seen, I have yet seen so much light coming in from the very people I have met. Thank you for your understanding.
Whoever is reading the direct above, that means you. Thanks for being here sincerely...
Let's just say that I have deep, unfulfilled, nagging needs and desires... both complex as well as very simple... and my inability to accomplish such life milestones leaves me often feeling insignificant, unwanted, meaningless, powerless, frustrated, and sometimes even a bit angry.
Most people won't even talk to me or acknowledge my existence... but that doesn't really bother me as much as you'd think. I'm used to being invisible, slipping under the radar all the time. It suits me sometimes. But when I get lonesome... life is a real gut-punch, with no relief. I've yet to meet anyone who could really help... but I'm still waiting & watching... hoping forever for a taste of true happiness... perhaps in vain.
Sorry Avacado, but I don't see how you can help with my personal problems. You can help in other ways, but... you're just not what my heart is seeking.
Me? I write to escape, that crazy man Neal has a lot more fun then I do!