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All I want is family... x.x
7 years ago
Nothing kills me more inside than realizing that my mother will never, no matter how much I kill myself inside and out by bending over backwards for her, love me the way she does my other siblings.
I literally have video of my sister and brother stealing out of my room while calling me a freak and a fag, insisting that I must have stolen stuff from them, while stealing my things. I bought my dog some cheap toys cause I had little money for christmas. I couldn't even, and didn't even get a christmas gift. And with the only money I had bought her a pack of toys to open. What does my sister do? Steal them. Steals my dogs fucking christmas present, toys, for her dogs that already have tons of expensive toys.
but no, I'm the biggest piece of shit on earth. Why? Because I get upset. Over what? Like for instance when I give her my food stamp card and ask her to save me 1/6th of the amount on it and she spends it all. Like it didn't matter. I gave her a small list of items that weren't more than 20 dollars. I got 2 things of the 5. I try and talk to her about why it upset me, and she tries to throw money in my face like that's what had upset me. Things like that. The difference in how she treats me and my siblings. Last night was a perfect example. She goes in and says goodnight to my brother and she loves him, and comes in and screams at me for paying the internet bill out of my funds, instead of a tahnk you I get "I didn't ask you to,"
for our birthdays my brother got a nice party at my place and my sisters, a cake, and a nintendo switch with the new zelda game. man, he lvoed rubbing that in my face. Best part? I put up some decorations for him here thinking he would stay longer, but no one even fucking bothered to tell me about the party at my sisters till it was over and I had been sitting at my place wondering where the fuck everyone was. My sister gets a cake, and a vacation and concert. Which I get stuck watching her kids. What did I get? Nothing. Not even a cake which I usually at least get that. But nada. And apparantly I'm a douchebag for being hurt by it because it makes me selfish. When I tried to explain to my mother that it wasn't just about the materialistic things, or the fact that she hinted I might get a switch too, it was about the family not giving enough of a shit, she wouldn't hear any of it.
Nevermind the fact that my brother left my mom with a broken arm the day before yesterday, and 2 kids, as did my sister to go to a concert. I woke up and saw her arm and took her to the hospital. sure enough. 3 places it was broken. But I'm a terrible person.
Sigh. Sorry. Just.. had to let that out. Bad enough.. I don't have a father, my uncle who was the only person in my family that gave a shit is dead, but that I won't ever get the mother I wish I had.
I literally have video of my sister and brother stealing out of my room while calling me a freak and a fag, insisting that I must have stolen stuff from them, while stealing my things. I bought my dog some cheap toys cause I had little money for christmas. I couldn't even, and didn't even get a christmas gift. And with the only money I had bought her a pack of toys to open. What does my sister do? Steal them. Steals my dogs fucking christmas present, toys, for her dogs that already have tons of expensive toys.
but no, I'm the biggest piece of shit on earth. Why? Because I get upset. Over what? Like for instance when I give her my food stamp card and ask her to save me 1/6th of the amount on it and she spends it all. Like it didn't matter. I gave her a small list of items that weren't more than 20 dollars. I got 2 things of the 5. I try and talk to her about why it upset me, and she tries to throw money in my face like that's what had upset me. Things like that. The difference in how she treats me and my siblings. Last night was a perfect example. She goes in and says goodnight to my brother and she loves him, and comes in and screams at me for paying the internet bill out of my funds, instead of a tahnk you I get "I didn't ask you to,"
for our birthdays my brother got a nice party at my place and my sisters, a cake, and a nintendo switch with the new zelda game. man, he lvoed rubbing that in my face. Best part? I put up some decorations for him here thinking he would stay longer, but no one even fucking bothered to tell me about the party at my sisters till it was over and I had been sitting at my place wondering where the fuck everyone was. My sister gets a cake, and a vacation and concert. Which I get stuck watching her kids. What did I get? Nothing. Not even a cake which I usually at least get that. But nada. And apparantly I'm a douchebag for being hurt by it because it makes me selfish. When I tried to explain to my mother that it wasn't just about the materialistic things, or the fact that she hinted I might get a switch too, it was about the family not giving enough of a shit, she wouldn't hear any of it.
Nevermind the fact that my brother left my mom with a broken arm the day before yesterday, and 2 kids, as did my sister to go to a concert. I woke up and saw her arm and took her to the hospital. sure enough. 3 places it was broken. But I'm a terrible person.
Sigh. Sorry. Just.. had to let that out. Bad enough.. I don't have a father, my uncle who was the only person in my family that gave a shit is dead, but that I won't ever get the mother I wish I had.
