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stress, allergies + unfounded hate || life update
7 years ago
☠ MOTHER OF WEREWOLVES☠ A little life update, becasue I'm feeling pretty defeated after a sudden barrage of bulls*it lately.
IRL we've had a few horrible things happen:
- The dog had a severe allergic reaction to something, we still don't know what. We suspect he might have developed an allergy to melon (a treat he's been allowed for years becasue it's one of the few things that didn't seem to contribute to seizure frequency. OR it may be something environmental, as both neighbours on either side have been burning stuff/renovating/spraying things these past few days. The reaction itself would have been fine if not for the epilepsy, as we're not allowed to give him antihistamines (they increase the chance of a seizure a lot apparently.) so all I could do was stay up with him all night and give natural remedies to soothe and bring down the swelling. Calendula and chamomile are godsends imo. I'm just very grateful the reaction was confined to his skin, I'm too scared to think about what would have happened if it was his airways. :( On the plus side, he's on the mend with the swelling almost entirely gone now, and just a bit of itching remaining.
- My mother's eldest dog was also very poorly that same day, so we think the two must be connected. She's only just now (two days later) starting to hold down decent sized meals.
- I had a horrible experience training for a new job I was going to take on to help ease money worries, so bad that now I don't think I can do it, and my anxiety/depression are back with a vengeance. It's the kind of job where there's no room for error, and I made lots of them. Since then I've upped my meds a bit, but even thinking about leaving the house has me shaking and sweating.
- My husband received a horrible letter (at his damn work, really!?) from a relative, blaming him for the collapse of his family after his mother had a string of affairs, calling him all kinds of horrible names/things, telling him everyone hates him and thinks he's disgusting and just generally ripping into him! Obviously his family has already fallen to pieces so he;s miserable as it is, and now even more so. I know people have affairs, I know not all relationships work, that's a part of life, but how they came to the conclusion that it's his fault I'll never know! Nothing I can say helps him feel better, and I sort of want to slap the person who sent it, though obviously that won't help. I'm still chuckling though at the suggestion that I've 'always been jealous of his relationship with his mum'. If they only knew how many times I'd tried to get him to reach out t her for his own sake in the past year!
And then online I've had someone post an 'ambiguous' journal calling me out for something that was done with good reason, listing things that I TOLD THEM were the reasons as their 'suspicions of why this has happened.' Well, yeah, it's not a suspicion, I flat out told you that was why, I was also as nice about it as I could be, there was no malicious intent behind anything I did, and I gave them all kinds of rare things as a thank you for everything they had done for me. You forget how stressful running groups can be, but I always try to be kind and fair and make sure there are perks for helpers. If it didn't work out, I'll tell them why ad compensate them for their time. Trying to slate me for being honest and trying to make sure the group is run well and happily/calmly is not how to make me change my mind.
I hate drama, and always aim for transparency to avoid confusion (for example, I've been bullied a lot in my time, so I'm very open about my problems and with others. If I talk about things first, it's not ammo any more, you know?), so a lot of what has been going on lately has stressed me out immensely. I just want a bit of happiness. :(
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