Zip
I wish I could offer useful suggestions. The first step is probably recognizing the problem, and it seems you have done that. You can overcome this... others of much less resilience have done it!

From what I understand, the AA story is probably not nearly as successful as they'd have you believe. I suggest you pursue the healthcare angle instead (not that I have great faith in the healthcare system, but at least they are usually less "preachy" and thus might be more helpful).

And be very, very thankful you have a loving partner to help you...
Hugs!

Just knowing that there is a problem is a big step. Getting medical help should be your next -even if you do the 12 step program thing. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain (it has a physical cause). The doc should be able to figure out how to repair the imbalance with meds. May send you to a psychiatrist but they'll have a better knowledge of what pills are needed -as opposed to a psychotherapist who wants to talk about your feelings. (Though you may benefit from that; I don't but a lot do.) I'm not much of a joiner either so AA wouldn't be much good for me either.

Oh man ... sorry, I had no idea things were this bad, buddy I wish there were something I could do, I really like you and Wanda and hate that this has happened, you love your telephones and such. I'm glad she is there to help you through this and hope you can kick it in the a$$, we need you Zip !!!!!! We love you Zip !!!!!!!!

Dang Zip! I had no idea. You got my number and I always have an ear for a friend to use.

The fact that you've recognized that there is a problem is the first step, Zip. I can't tell you what comes next; be it medicine, therapy, prayer, or "cold turkey". You've got Wanda there with you, and a few other people out there who would be willing to help out. You've just got to take that first step and reach out for help. Depression is one hell of a problem. Unless you can find a way to fight it, your life won't seem like it's worth living. Reach out for help. I know you can do it, Zip. You're a strong and stubborn old yote.

Zip,

Vrghr's roomie was "A friend of Bill's". And it TOTALLY turned his life around!

He was heavily into the booze. Passing out on street corners. Lost his license and spent time in County for driving intoxicated without a license. Hospitalized after passing out at a bus stop and undergoing 3 days of nurse-guarded recovery at the hospital for the DTs. Divorced and had his children mandatorily removed by the state and put in foster care. And a lot more.

He made a commitment to get sober, and started it with an intense involvement with AA. It wasn't just the steps, because though he worked at them, he never really hit all of them. But it was the support they offered! The folks there really cared about him. They took him in, counseled him, supported him. They were on call, night or day, when things got rough. They knew where he was coming from, because they were intimately familiar with all of it.

The meetings took him out of the house where he had nothing to distract him but his pain and the desire for a drink, and out into world where he could socialize, find new friends, have fun with a group, and gradually re-acclimate to a life beyond the one he saw through the bottom of a glass. In time, he turned to helping others in the AA as they tried to kick the habit, and that socialization led to new purpose and many new friendships.

He would have gotten his 10 year sobriety coin this month. Sadly, he passed away from a brain aneurysm just before his birthday last year.

A lot of folks shy away from AA because of their links to religion. But there is SO MUCH more that they offer. It would be a pity to ignore all the rest they provide, just because of that affiliation.

I know i'm an Alco holic. I like wisky, and those danged obsolete Schenectady made American railroad locomotives. As far as the locos, I am so happy to find the many fans and peeps that are keeping that tech alive. As for the alcoholics, well, I count myself in that league. I am not happy about it. I drink between 250 to 400 mL of canadian whiskey on almost every nite, and thats an excessive amount. If I try to abstain, I will develop cravings and shakes. I wish I couuld move past 3 dAYS of abstinence maybe then I could move on. The worst thing is, I love the tastes of good beers. Do I need to give up that experience??? Aw Shit, the dogma demands YES. And BTW give up sex too. This is my problem with the AA/12 step crap, its dogma demands I become a 'white knuckle' drunk- one who clings to a straight lifestyle, so tightly that I would cling onto it with a clenched fist, thus strangling my real life. At least thats what I see here. Maybe I need to find some other place in America, maybe one place that is not so backwards.

Roomie was finishing off a fifth of whiskey in one to two days at his worst point. His fav was southern comfort. He actually quit a few times, complete with the shakes and hallucinations, but always went back when he was "just going to have a little drink" , which included just a beer.

He found out there were only two conditions; drinking or not. There was no such thing as a little drink. Like being "a little pregnant ", it was a condition that doesn't exist. As an alcoholic, any was too much, because the next step was convincing himself that the next one was "okay" too. It had to be all or nothing.

Perhaps the AA groups he worked with were a bit more liberal, but they were a LOT less, white knuckle than you described. Dating and sex weren't in the spotlight. Drinking and drunkenness was.

Perhaps different chapters tailor the message a bit?

Darn it Zip. We had no idea. Hang in there. We're praying for you.

A friend of mine lived in San Fransisco and I was living in Los Angeles. It was my birthday, so I drove up for the weekend. He was ordered to do the AA meeting because he was busted for driving drunk. Well, I got there WAY too early because surprise, there was no traffic that day. I sat with him because, why the heck not?

I learned something that I already knew that day. When ever you rid your self of one vice, something else will take it's place to fill in the gap. I'm not saying to pick up Billy "Bong" Thorton and start smoking God's Green Glory lol. But if they give you a medical marijuana card, you might want to try using it... It might be fun?

I don't normally smoke the stuff. I don't care for the taste or smell, and I'm always the designated driver. But I'll tell you what, once or twice a year, I'll find my self at a party or get together and a trusted friend will have a little something. I'll take one hit and MAN is it relaxing. No more anxiety, and I get all happy and giggly.

Weather you become a pot head or not... The main thing (in my opinion) is to surround your self with people and distractions as much as you can... And get a HUGE bag of Hershey's Chocolate Kisses. If you like dark chocolate, even better. But Kisses are convenient. Trust me on this, no card needed, make you feel good!

Something in the chocolate does something to the brain that releases some kind of juicy chemical that make you feel happy or the sense of reward. Any time after a convention, I eat the chocolate to combat post con depression. I know, not the same as your flavor of depression. But give the chocolate a 3-day trial period.

I'll say this much, every single reply here says it in one way or another. We love you and Wanda and we wish the two of you all of the best. Hang in there and be the most stubborn, lovable ass hole under the sun, and kick this business right in the family jewels, bro. You've accomplished a lot in your life, this is nothing.

Much love!!!

Oh my word! I had no idea you were going through this, buddy! I hope you can shake the alcohol addiction ASAP, mate, and in turn get rid of both the depression and legarthy. I can only imagine how hard it is to struggle through both. Sending you my well-wishes and hugs, good coyote!

*hugs tight* I"m sorry to hear this. I do hope that you'll get the help you'll need. I'm here if you need to chat. Please PM if you like.