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Life Update (and link to next journal for vote)
7 years ago
General
Who are you to say what is normal or what is right?
Being normal or right is just someone's opinion in view.
Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to act so you can "fit in" or "be normal"
In other words, just be yourself, because to you, you are normal.
Being normal or right is just someone's opinion in view.
Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to act so you can "fit in" or "be normal"
In other words, just be yourself, because to you, you are normal.
So... long time no see world... "Where have I been" I'm sure no one is asking... but I will answer anyways.
To those who might be paying attention to this profile... you may have noticed that all my info and journals have vanished. I will get to that in the story.
For a long while I have become nothing more then a lurker, stalking FA and those I watch without saying or doing much. This would be due to my breakup with my old mate Dax... it broke me a bit and sent me spiraling down into a severe depression I thought I would never crawl out of. I still haven't fully recovered from that but I have been better since the initial break up.
Even with all the art I've gotten from the recent months I have not bothered to upload to my other profile as I have just felt... pointless. My existence has just felt pointless, worthless and painful. I even gave up on trying to find love during all of this and have done nothing to improve my own life.
All of this alone I'm sure is enough to explain my absence, so let's talk about the recent month and the future... what I am planning to do with this profile.
Well.. That actually is up to you, what I do will be in your hands. I had intended this new profile to keep only reference material and story works that I have created. But when anyone looks at my profile... there's basically nothing. One back story and three "journal" things which i should either scrap or rewrite. What do I have sitting in my mind though? An entire universe which can either become one or two separate stories (most likely two). An entire roster of characters wasting away with no purpose aside from my Froslosion who... have been in A LOT of porn lately... kind of not happy about that to be honest. But what do I actually have written? Six work in progress drafts for my scifi stuff and... sadly not as much, just the WIP of the other half of the backstory for the parents as I had to delete everything due to... personal reasons I shall not discuss here in the open.
But the point I'm getting to is that... I just don't see the point in writing anymore. I know my skill just isn't up to snuff. And this community... the furry community... just isn't the place for the kind of stuff I want to write. Most of the furry trash here just wants porn or a comic of the story so that their addled, cumstained minds don't have to think or sink to much time into learning about the story. I am not a porn writer nor am I am artist. Sex in my stories will exist but in places where its appropriate. It is not the main theme.... I've seen porn stories that were written so... fucking horribly. With basically NO grammar and horrible dialogue... but that would get more attention and praise then what I intend to write... because its porn.
Here I have another journal that will serve as a voting poll: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8849087/
That poll will determine whether I will even bother to keep writing... or give up on writing as a whole. "Doing it for myself" as many people have told me to do just doesn't work here. I have no pride, so I cannot be proud of it. I am a procrastinator so I cannot bring myself to do it willingly because at this point its just work... it's not a passion, it's not a hobby, its work. The stories are already made in my head... that's all that matters to me.
Aside from that... I plan on streaming some games over at https://www.twitch.tv/strategicdefender
It'll mostly be league, DFO and Warframe but with the massive steam library I have... who knows, maybe with enough of an audience I can dust off the stuff in there and play through them.
I also have a new boyfriend... I am not single as I believed I would be.
That's... about it really. I'll get around to posting all the stuff I've gotten... maybe. It all depends on how I feel after all of this.
To those who might be paying attention to this profile... you may have noticed that all my info and journals have vanished. I will get to that in the story.
For a long while I have become nothing more then a lurker, stalking FA and those I watch without saying or doing much. This would be due to my breakup with my old mate Dax... it broke me a bit and sent me spiraling down into a severe depression I thought I would never crawl out of. I still haven't fully recovered from that but I have been better since the initial break up.
Even with all the art I've gotten from the recent months I have not bothered to upload to my other profile as I have just felt... pointless. My existence has just felt pointless, worthless and painful. I even gave up on trying to find love during all of this and have done nothing to improve my own life.
All of this alone I'm sure is enough to explain my absence, so let's talk about the recent month and the future... what I am planning to do with this profile.
Well.. That actually is up to you, what I do will be in your hands. I had intended this new profile to keep only reference material and story works that I have created. But when anyone looks at my profile... there's basically nothing. One back story and three "journal" things which i should either scrap or rewrite. What do I have sitting in my mind though? An entire universe which can either become one or two separate stories (most likely two). An entire roster of characters wasting away with no purpose aside from my Froslosion who... have been in A LOT of porn lately... kind of not happy about that to be honest. But what do I actually have written? Six work in progress drafts for my scifi stuff and... sadly not as much, just the WIP of the other half of the backstory for the parents as I had to delete everything due to... personal reasons I shall not discuss here in the open.
But the point I'm getting to is that... I just don't see the point in writing anymore. I know my skill just isn't up to snuff. And this community... the furry community... just isn't the place for the kind of stuff I want to write. Most of the furry trash here just wants porn or a comic of the story so that their addled, cumstained minds don't have to think or sink to much time into learning about the story. I am not a porn writer nor am I am artist. Sex in my stories will exist but in places where its appropriate. It is not the main theme.... I've seen porn stories that were written so... fucking horribly. With basically NO grammar and horrible dialogue... but that would get more attention and praise then what I intend to write... because its porn.
Here I have another journal that will serve as a voting poll: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8849087/
That poll will determine whether I will even bother to keep writing... or give up on writing as a whole. "Doing it for myself" as many people have told me to do just doesn't work here. I have no pride, so I cannot be proud of it. I am a procrastinator so I cannot bring myself to do it willingly because at this point its just work... it's not a passion, it's not a hobby, its work. The stories are already made in my head... that's all that matters to me.
Aside from that... I plan on streaming some games over at https://www.twitch.tv/strategicdefender
It'll mostly be league, DFO and Warframe but with the massive steam library I have... who knows, maybe with enough of an audience I can dust off the stuff in there and play through them.
I also have a new boyfriend... I am not single as I believed I would be.
That's... about it really. I'll get around to posting all the stuff I've gotten... maybe. It all depends on how I feel after all of this.
I won't give away too much, but it's about a lonely, depressed human and a naughty dragon. While they do definitely have sex, there's a lot more to it than just that.
But I'm just a crappy person with an even crappier work ethic, general mentality and... Well... Feeling of worthlessness.
To me it's already been a matter of "why put in the effort if no one cares? It's not like I'll ever gain an audience. I'll just fail at this like everything else."
Doing it with those thoughts in mind would be me forcing myself to do it.
But now I've hit the point where I just want to feel like I've accomplished something. But lacking pride, motivation and an audience has led me here into the situation we're talking about now. Wondering if it's even worth trying again/anymore. To me seeing these votes if what makes it worth it to try.
Am I want to write for the wrong reasons? Maybe. But to me the way I see it is that creating a story is easy... It's already made I'm my mind. Writing it can also be just as easy. But telling it in a way to get people to read or listen when you're surrounded by visual media that is easier to take in and notice? It's daunting. How can you tell if a reader read the whole story? What if they clicked in it by mistake? Those were things that I could never tell save maybe one or two cases.
But how can I tell if it's any good? Where can it be improved? Is it too long? To short? All of these things and more of I don't have an audience to tell me? I just can't feel accomplished if no one is reading what I put the effort into creating. I'm sure most, if not all artists think and feel that way if not feel a similar way.
Not caring as much is a lot easier said then done since to me, everything has always been a question of "am I good enough?" Or "is this good enough" which most of the time the answer has been no.
That had led to me giving up before trying since "why bother when I'm going to fail?" To which most people just retort "how do you know without trying" or "you'll have to keep falling before you succeed" it some other similar bs. It's much harder to get up and try when you've already been beaten down so much.