I was going to write a journal tonight anyway about my new job and the dreadful co-workers I have at Wal-Mart. But then I got a call from my parents that changed everything.

My Grandfather was in the hospital with pneumonia. He had recovered from that but something bothered the doctors, his white blood cell count was far, far to high. So they ran a bone marrow test. And today we got the confirmation we dreaded. He has leukemia, very aggressive and very hard to treat. They're giving him six to eight weeks. They could treat it, but the treatment would probably kill him since he's eighty-seven. My aunt, father and grandmother are going to figure out what to do in terms of treatment but it's all but decided.

I'm not close to my Grandfather. I once walked in on him when I was fourteen speaking of how much of a disappointment I was compared to my cousin. That stuck with me, angered me. When I got the news I shoudn't have started to cry. But I did, I'm cry now.

I don't...I feel numb. I feel very tired. I'm flying back to North Carolina in about three weeks. I'm going to be saying goodbye to my Grandfather. I don't feel anger anymore. I feel sorrow I held on to that crap and didn't get over it. He thought I was a disappointment, so what. We all say or think stupid things. We can't let it bother us.

I've gotten very lucky. While I've lost friends, for my twenty-eight years on Earth I never lost a close family member. And now it's happening. I should always be grateful for how lucky I got, for how God gave me twenty-eight years to not have to face death. But now it's time. God I'm rambling.

Pray for my Grandfather. Pray for my Grandmother. Thank you.