My fiance texted me good morning not too long ago...and of course since I can't just ignore her, I had to say something. I said that I was feeling a little sad that I'm spending my last day in Gostivar, Macedonia.

She responded with "Don't worry, we'll be together again soon"... How am I supposed to respond to that?

I regret not putting a stop to this as soon as I was told I was engaged... This may very well be my biggest mistake ever in life...

I fear I'm already past the point where backing out would leave little consequence... I want to cry...I want to cry so bad right now... Even if I come clean now, I fear the damage is already too great...

I wish I would've known they were going to take the ball and run with it so quickly and eagerly...

If there's already going to be too much damage to my life, then I don't know if I'd wanna live anymore...

Guys, I fucked up... I fucked up so bad... Either I'm gonna have to live a lie and live miserably...or tell the truth and live miserably... I'm in a lose-lose situation... ;_;