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A switch's perspective of permanent chastity (oh look, rant)
7 years ago
Hoo boy, a bit of a rant due to one aggravating picture and the comments I shouldn't have read.
-deep breath-
Time to explain why exactly this bothers me so much.
As a sub, I consider it an extreme betrayal of trust. When a sub enters into and engages in a relationship with a dom, they're making themselves very vulnerable, physically and emotionally. The dom is supposed to live up to that trust, exerting control over the sub to the sub's desires - the rules of the relationship indicate the sub has the final say in anything... within reasonable limitations of course.
Permanent chastity betrays that trust, even if (and especially when) the sub desires it. Part of the dom's responsibility is making sure the sub doesn't go overboard - doing anything that cannot be undone, such as tattoos or, you know, extreme measures like permanent chastity, is an abuse of power. Literally - the BDSM community has rules for this stuff and one of them is that even if the submissive wants something permanent, it's abuse to do it to them, and I find this to be a very sane and healthy rule.
Now, as a dom, all of the above still holds true, but there's an additional bit of frustration - it goes against what it means to be a dom in the first place. A dom must maintain willing control over their sub. Permanent chastity requires the dom to give up control. You've created a door you cannot open. You're letting the wheat rot in the field, the fruit rot on the vine. You literally just gave up control and for what? A cheap wank? It's foolish, irresponsible, and LAZY. You don't deserve to be a dom, and your sub deserves someone who isn't going to abuse them.
And any sub stupid enough to actually inflict this upon themselves... well, they're probably not gonna romanticize it for very long, and thankfully, real life has methods to undo this shit. Romanticizing abusive relationships online, however, does no one any favors. That's not a BDSM relationship. That's just giving abusers an in and calling it BDSM.
That's not to say everyone into permanent chastity is on my shit list because of the above. Because you know what? There are people out there that don't try to paint permanent chastity as part of a healthy, average BDSM relationship even though it's mutually exclusive from such a relationship. They treat it exactly as extreme as it is, even in their fantasies. And I can respect that. They're not romanticizing it, they're fantasizing about an extreme fetish.
And you know what? It still bothers me (because I'm a sensitive marshmallow), but I can respect that. This might surprise you (and honestly I wouldn't blame you) that I do, in fact, have nothing against people fantasizing about extreme situations and fetishes. It's when they try to normalize it, pass it off as healthy, and basically infest an entire subculture with it where the minority that has become obsessed with it has peer-pressured everyone into accepting it as a normal part of chastity fetish.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant. One of the nice things about sorting out my feelings on this is also being able to see the shades of gray involved in this >_>
-deep breath-
Time to explain why exactly this bothers me so much.
As a sub, I consider it an extreme betrayal of trust. When a sub enters into and engages in a relationship with a dom, they're making themselves very vulnerable, physically and emotionally. The dom is supposed to live up to that trust, exerting control over the sub to the sub's desires - the rules of the relationship indicate the sub has the final say in anything... within reasonable limitations of course.
Permanent chastity betrays that trust, even if (and especially when) the sub desires it. Part of the dom's responsibility is making sure the sub doesn't go overboard - doing anything that cannot be undone, such as tattoos or, you know, extreme measures like permanent chastity, is an abuse of power. Literally - the BDSM community has rules for this stuff and one of them is that even if the submissive wants something permanent, it's abuse to do it to them, and I find this to be a very sane and healthy rule.
Now, as a dom, all of the above still holds true, but there's an additional bit of frustration - it goes against what it means to be a dom in the first place. A dom must maintain willing control over their sub. Permanent chastity requires the dom to give up control. You've created a door you cannot open. You're letting the wheat rot in the field, the fruit rot on the vine. You literally just gave up control and for what? A cheap wank? It's foolish, irresponsible, and LAZY. You don't deserve to be a dom, and your sub deserves someone who isn't going to abuse them.
And any sub stupid enough to actually inflict this upon themselves... well, they're probably not gonna romanticize it for very long, and thankfully, real life has methods to undo this shit. Romanticizing abusive relationships online, however, does no one any favors. That's not a BDSM relationship. That's just giving abusers an in and calling it BDSM.
That's not to say everyone into permanent chastity is on my shit list because of the above. Because you know what? There are people out there that don't try to paint permanent chastity as part of a healthy, average BDSM relationship even though it's mutually exclusive from such a relationship. They treat it exactly as extreme as it is, even in their fantasies. And I can respect that. They're not romanticizing it, they're fantasizing about an extreme fetish.
And you know what? It still bothers me (because I'm a sensitive marshmallow), but I can respect that. This might surprise you (and honestly I wouldn't blame you) that I do, in fact, have nothing against people fantasizing about extreme situations and fetishes. It's when they try to normalize it, pass it off as healthy, and basically infest an entire subculture with it where the minority that has become obsessed with it has peer-pressured everyone into accepting it as a normal part of chastity fetish.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant. One of the nice things about sorting out my feelings on this is also being able to see the shades of gray involved in this >_>
With time, however, I realised it would be just a one-time thing and I like this vision of a ceremonial lock-up a bit too much to include the aspect of permanency here. So now I fantasise about just being locked up like this, with the key going either to the keyholders necklace or to his safe
In other words you made it romantic without romanticizing it which is a level of semantics I don't think I can completely explain.
I mean, I still don't like it, though I love the non-permanence version of it, but it's actually kinda respectable.
I'm not gonna lie, though, the current community (on this site at least) treats it far, far too normally for me to join them - they never even tag it, then proceed to mock anyone who has a remotely startled reaction to it being permanent, as if it was abnormal to be a chastity fetishist and not like permanent chastity :/
And lemme tell you, when you have an itch for chastity porn but literally any pic could be Surprise Permanent Chastity, it's kinda like getting blue balled... which, let me tell you, I'm aware of the comedic irony of that situation :P