im sorry to hear that

Ehrf. Really sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I do hope things still get better for you sooner or later so you can get back to enjoying life again...

Just don't give up. Eventhough it's hard, life is precious! It renders me helpless reading this, please evaluate again, there is so much more life has to offer you might not see right now. When i lost my best friend to suicide i understood what it means when they say suicide is passing the pain to others. I hate to look away and i dont want to when you made the effort to reach out, even if its just here. Please seek aid theres gotta be a free prevention and talk hotline for your country. I really hope you will get better soon! Even if it might not seem much to you now but i care about you and i am sure there many more people in your life that hold you dearly. Talking helps alot dont think you aren't worthy of a healthy and good life whereever you can afford it.

I hope things change for the better for you, Artsy. All I can say is I've seen people as down low as you feel get to a place where they're not as bad off. There's always hope even if sometimes it feels slim.