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Just Some Dumb Journal, Feel Free to Ignore.
7 years ago
Just watching Bojack Horseman's Season 5 that recently came out, actually I think it was a few weeks ago....But I've been kinda putting it off.
So right around this time last year, around august 20th, I actually broke up with my ex boyfriend of 8 years, and it was really, really hard on me. Mostly because the relationship developed so early in my life, that I never really got the chance to experience a lot of things growing teens usually do around that age. I was very much dedicated to making my dream of being with this boy in Canada come true, until well.. Things didn't go as planned.
Anyhow, it was during that time the the Season 4 of Bojack Horseman came up, and the break up scene with Diane and Mr.PeanutButter hit home so hard with me, because it's how I felt in my relationship with at the time. We fought constantly, and I felt I could only be happy if I tried really hard to look past all the blemishes and heartache, because well, damn I had put so much effort into the relationship.
Flash forward a year later, and after ending things with Clovar, I'm finally taking that time to be alone that I really /really/ needed, even if its causing me to down spiral a bit and hit my own personal rock bottom.
It's been rough and hard, and I've felt super directionless, not knowing where I want or need to even go.
And here I am, watching Bojack Horseman a year later, watching Diane go through a familiar problem just like me. We both were the ones who asked for the break up, but it's not like the decision didnt still hurt us.
I just think it's silly that I'm feeling.....comforted. By a cartoon character. Last year, the scene gave me some much needed reassurance, because I felt like I was ruining my life.
This year it's....giving my strength. Diane Nyugen is not a real person, by any means at all. But she's someone I can identify with, and it makes me feel the tiniest bit better seeing her realize that...I'll be okay alone. I will survive.
Just something small I wanted to share. I know that I've been really closed off from people lately and it's even causing my commissioners to get worried and even upset but I'm spending some time to work on myself, something I've been neglecting to do for the past.....9 years? It's really important for me to find myself right now, and it's hard. I'm working slowly, but I'm still going to do the work I owe. Just wanting to touch base a bit, since I actually have something worthwhile to say, I think.
It feels so silly to me to find comfort in this show, and a show like Bojack Horseman no less. A show that seems to love reveling in its own sadness and broken cast of characters, but it's so dear to me.
So right around this time last year, around august 20th, I actually broke up with my ex boyfriend of 8 years, and it was really, really hard on me. Mostly because the relationship developed so early in my life, that I never really got the chance to experience a lot of things growing teens usually do around that age. I was very much dedicated to making my dream of being with this boy in Canada come true, until well.. Things didn't go as planned.
Anyhow, it was during that time the the Season 4 of Bojack Horseman came up, and the break up scene with Diane and Mr.PeanutButter hit home so hard with me, because it's how I felt in my relationship with at the time. We fought constantly, and I felt I could only be happy if I tried really hard to look past all the blemishes and heartache, because well, damn I had put so much effort into the relationship.
Flash forward a year later, and after ending things with Clovar, I'm finally taking that time to be alone that I really /really/ needed, even if its causing me to down spiral a bit and hit my own personal rock bottom.
It's been rough and hard, and I've felt super directionless, not knowing where I want or need to even go.
And here I am, watching Bojack Horseman a year later, watching Diane go through a familiar problem just like me. We both were the ones who asked for the break up, but it's not like the decision didnt still hurt us.
I just think it's silly that I'm feeling.....comforted. By a cartoon character. Last year, the scene gave me some much needed reassurance, because I felt like I was ruining my life.
This year it's....giving my strength. Diane Nyugen is not a real person, by any means at all. But she's someone I can identify with, and it makes me feel the tiniest bit better seeing her realize that...I'll be okay alone. I will survive.
Just something small I wanted to share. I know that I've been really closed off from people lately and it's even causing my commissioners to get worried and even upset but I'm spending some time to work on myself, something I've been neglecting to do for the past.....9 years? It's really important for me to find myself right now, and it's hard. I'm working slowly, but I'm still going to do the work I owe. Just wanting to touch base a bit, since I actually have something worthwhile to say, I think.
It feels so silly to me to find comfort in this show, and a show like Bojack Horseman no less. A show that seems to love reveling in its own sadness and broken cast of characters, but it's so dear to me.
And I wouldn’t really call it “alone”.. you are essentially starting / rekindling a relationship with yourself. It is a good time to figure out what it is you REALLY want from life.. and in a future partner if there will be one
I, myself had an extreme period of self growth after a few breakups about 5 years ago. I was directionless and insecure from a lot of things, especially the bad relationships I had. Since then though, I’ve completely been able to drop my insecurities because I gave myself a chance to love myself. You are your own best friend and you need to treat yourself with respect. You need to come first before you can help others. Much easier said than done of course, but it can be done!
It is great you can find some direction from BoJack :) inspiration to better ourselves shows in a lot of things.. but it’s what you end up doing with the information is what is important
I know you are kind of in a limbo stage right now, but the fact you are reflecting on it in this way is a good sign that you are growing. Keep at it spunk’s, I’m really proud of you 💕 things will level out eventually, I promise! You are doing good 💕
Often when we're at our lowest point, others do what they can to provide encouragement, only wanting the best for us. But sometimes,
we require some source of relatability without the bias of personal familiarity. In other words, it helps when we can see ourselves in
something that doesn't primarily have our best interest in mind, because it reminds us that we're not crazy, and other non-related
people deal with the same things we deal with. While Diane is just a cartoon character, her experience is written by a real person. As such,
in some way, her writer understands where you're coming from, despite not having any personal connection to you. And that's no small
comfort!
I'm glad you can find some solace in that, it's a good thing. Best of luck going forward, and learning to love yourself and who you are.
You'll do it, it just takes time and patience. But you're worth it, always tell yourself that. It's true.
hopefully peace finds you.
have a great day and a better tomorrow
I took the time I needed. Years later, I am happily in a new relationship and I was able to take the time I needed to catch up on all the growth I had to do.
It still hurt me like hell and every once in a while the pain creeps up on me. Knowing you found a way to cope and relate is very comforting to me so thank you so so much for sharing this. <3
What is wrong however is if your commissioners have their fully paid for works cancelled, refunds promised and then hear and receive nothing for months, with all attempts to contact you to find out what's going on being ignored. AKA, if your soul searching is interfering with legally binding business agreements you've already made, then there's going to be problems.
I'd suggest you cease taking commissions and give sites like FA, DA and the like a break. Do your soul searching offline, and then when you're ready to conduct business properly, come back and give it another go.
Then again, I can't tell you how to feel. Just know you have people who support you.
Perhaps we'll grow stronger after such things, but I'm happy to see you're getting better. It's important to always have direction in our lives, even if a little spark. I hope you find your center again Spunky.