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Update on life and the usual drama
7 years ago
So grad school started about 5 weeks ago again and the good news is I am doing one of two semesters of student teaching now, then I graduate. The bad news is that they put me in a location that is an insane commute, especially since I take metro. That's ok though because the school I'm at is really great. I am learning a ton!
But, I am also super busy and tired, and stressed *head desk*
That is all ok though. That's part of the package. Or it would be if it wasn't for the other part of my life. The part that isn't school. Somehow that part ends up totally consumed by my Ex's drama. Just today I took him out, paid for two meals, 70 dollars EXTRA groceries, and even bought him a 20 dollar action figure he wanted. How was I thanked? He threw massive fits at me throughout the day, accusing me of all of these horrible things that are completely out of left field and it ends in a fit of bawlling and calling me childish names and a real classic child's temper tantrum. Except that...um....he's 36.
I stay quiet about this online, but this happens every week. In fact he is abusive every day but the really bad shit happens about once or twice a week. I have decided that when I leave, I will have to do so very suddenly and without warning because I don't know what he's capable of if he really feels like he is going to lose control over me or lose the support I've been giving him. Good thing is that I'm just an occupant on the lease but I hate it because that isn't the kind of person I am, but I am actually concerned for my life, not now at this very moment, but at the moment when I finally do decide to get the fuck outa here.
This sounds like a bad movie, but it isn't. I really am living this nightmare.
I wanted to write about it for two reasons. 1: I want people to know. This is why I'm aloof and haven't done as much in recent times and can't seem to pull it together to do a project.
2: I want to talk about something with you guys based on my own explorations of how I ended up here. What I realized is that nothing this man does comes as a real surprise to me. I always knew what he was about. The thing is, I didn't listen to my warning bells.
If you are ever in a situation where you start getting a bad feeling about being with or around someone, even if you can't put your finger on why, listen to yourself, take a step back from that person, and watch and wait. If they treat you with respect, kindness, and dignity, then maybe it's worth continuing, but if you find that they are harmful, hurtful, or try to guilt, attack, shame, or damage you, then they are people you want to put into your rear-view mirror fast and never look back.
I have been such a stupid....stupid idiot. I have been so foolish and now I am here. I am not looking for sympathy, please don't think I am throwing a pity party. I just needed to talk and to vent and to explain why things are the way they are with me right now.
Please wish me luck. With school and with the other parts of my life because I need a little right now.
Cheers....Er....kinda
But, I am also super busy and tired, and stressed *head desk*
That is all ok though. That's part of the package. Or it would be if it wasn't for the other part of my life. The part that isn't school. Somehow that part ends up totally consumed by my Ex's drama. Just today I took him out, paid for two meals, 70 dollars EXTRA groceries, and even bought him a 20 dollar action figure he wanted. How was I thanked? He threw massive fits at me throughout the day, accusing me of all of these horrible things that are completely out of left field and it ends in a fit of bawlling and calling me childish names and a real classic child's temper tantrum. Except that...um....he's 36.
I stay quiet about this online, but this happens every week. In fact he is abusive every day but the really bad shit happens about once or twice a week. I have decided that when I leave, I will have to do so very suddenly and without warning because I don't know what he's capable of if he really feels like he is going to lose control over me or lose the support I've been giving him. Good thing is that I'm just an occupant on the lease but I hate it because that isn't the kind of person I am, but I am actually concerned for my life, not now at this very moment, but at the moment when I finally do decide to get the fuck outa here.
This sounds like a bad movie, but it isn't. I really am living this nightmare.
I wanted to write about it for two reasons. 1: I want people to know. This is why I'm aloof and haven't done as much in recent times and can't seem to pull it together to do a project.
2: I want to talk about something with you guys based on my own explorations of how I ended up here. What I realized is that nothing this man does comes as a real surprise to me. I always knew what he was about. The thing is, I didn't listen to my warning bells.
If you are ever in a situation where you start getting a bad feeling about being with or around someone, even if you can't put your finger on why, listen to yourself, take a step back from that person, and watch and wait. If they treat you with respect, kindness, and dignity, then maybe it's worth continuing, but if you find that they are harmful, hurtful, or try to guilt, attack, shame, or damage you, then they are people you want to put into your rear-view mirror fast and never look back.
I have been such a stupid....stupid idiot. I have been so foolish and now I am here. I am not looking for sympathy, please don't think I am throwing a pity party. I just needed to talk and to vent and to explain why things are the way they are with me right now.
Please wish me luck. With school and with the other parts of my life because I need a little right now.
Cheers....Er....kinda
Best wishes, and glad that you are making this recognition now, so that you can move forward with this new knowledge and perspective. Also happy to hear that your classes themselves are going well~
Good luck! ;o;