So, I'm going to be keeping this pretty brief as I've already had to explain what's going on to so many people it's felt like my head's spinning around.

In early September I ended up going to the emergency room to get checked out after a routine yearly health screening turned into a little more than that. The nurse thought she heard some more alarming heart sounds than the murmur I had told her about - I have known about the murmur my entire life. I've been through pretty much every test they could think of, seen a local cardiologist and was sent to one of the best congenital heart cardiologists in the state. I was diagnosed with sinus venosus ASD - which is a long way of saying I have a hole in my heart. I've apparently had it since I grew a heart in the womb so...yay for me having been able to live with it for 27 years. Unfortunately with this condition comes other things, like my heart being enlarged, one of my veins to my heart not being in the right place and, for me, Pulmonary Hypertension which we do not know when that officially started happening but most likely has not been that long since I only started really showing serious symptoms (shortness of breath, not being able to be very active, etc.) about 5 months ago.

* Please don't go looking up PH, the numbers and life expectancy are scary and 1) are not updated to the current (very good) medical interventions and 2) I do not have regular PH, I have PH as a result of my heart issue and it is something we are very much hoping will either go away or be extremely slow to progress. For those who don't know what it is even, it's a progressive disease that thickens the pulmonary arteries, the ones that lead into your lungs and help navigate oxygen and whatnot. Right now the life expectancy for someone with it can be anywhere from 10 to 15 years but I was told there is a patient my doctors are treating that has had it for 18 years and is still going very strong as a result of advancements in medicine are getting better. We do not know for sure what my PH will do, if my life expectancy will be shorter or not or weather it might just go away. I am now on medication to treat it that has helped a TON and I am feeling much much better than I was before which is awesome. Eventually I'm hoping (yes hoping) to be able to get the open heart surgery needed to fix my heart, it will also help with my blood oxygen levels and bringing down the blood pressures inside my heart (something that contributes to the PH) My levels are very high right now but I go back in Feb. for them to do another test to see if it's come down, from there my team of Dr. will decide if they want to continue meds to bring it down further or if I'm ok to have surgery.

For months prior to this I was also in a very bad place psychologically, I've had undiagnosed and untreated depression and pretty severe anxiety for what seems like most of my life - I am happy to report that I have been able to see a Dr. about it as well, thanks to my wonderful partner whom without his help I probably wouldn't have even gone to that emergency room or been able to book an appointment to get help for my head stuff. I've actually been able to go out and have fun with a friend, talk to my friends and be able to experience some happiness again, even amongst all this other medical stuff. Thanks to my friends who've been so supportive and patient with me when I couldn't/didn't want to talk. You guys have also helped more than you know, and for that I am so grateful.

My heart Dr. has stated to me that this will be a marathon, not a sprint so that is the attitude I'm trying to keep with it all even tho it's hard - I'm on meds that make me feel so much better and I just want to get the surgery and be able to go on with my life, I'm working on my patience with it and trying to keep doing things and not focus on the length of time this will take.

I know there are some friends whom I have not talked with for awhile and don't know what's been going on but if you want to ask questions or just chat I am open to that now. To my watchers feel free to ask questions as well if you want, I know some of you have supported my stuff for quite awhile and might want to check in too. Anyway, that's all for now. As I'm able to I'd like to get back into working on some art again and being back online some more.

<3