I know alot of people go through this and this is not me seeking attention this is just a journal for me to just put some feelings down. Sometimes I feel like people dont fully understand the pain and hurt I go through. I may seem strong but I'm not. I feel like my own family sometimes thinks I am just being lazy or making up excuses but I'm not. Depression effects both body and mind. I fight this fight alone because I dont want to burden others. I tried to seek comfort from people I thought were close to me and they pushed me away. Even my ex who was part of the fandom doesn't realize how badly he hurt me and only cared about his feelings. I know it was not all him and I made my mistakes but how things happened hurt so bad . I hate being single I really do but finding that person to lean on is hard when all the people I date show how lovely they are at first but then tear me down to the point being single is the way to shield my heart. I feel like they are allowed to be sad and depressed and I do everything I can to comfort them but the moment I show any sign of being sad they are like oh well sorry you are sad. To my friends who have been there you are amazing and I love and appreciate everything you have done for me. I feel like I am lost alone and frightened and dont know how to find my way back. It's not just the relationship I struggle with, finances, career, my weight, and my mental health have been taking its toll on me. I get comments like oh just smoke weed or just ignore those jerks and it's like those are not solutions for me. Sometimes I give out hugs and try to comfort others when I would love just once for someone to hug me and tell me you know I know life is fucked up but it's ok. You're going to be alright. Sometimes I dont always want to hear this is how you fix it but I know your hurting so here is a hug and when you are ready to fight the demons I'm here. I am not trying to say oh poor me I'm a victim feel bad for me. Not at all. This is just some thoughts and feelings I am going through right now and it helps to have them written down. If you stayed to read this thank you for clicking and reading and letting me share some thoughts. God bless