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Mental Paralysis...
7 years ago
General
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even the darkest of nights can be beautiful if you know where to look
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even the darkest of nights can be beautiful if you know where to look
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so yeah. haven't written anything here for a while. not been to well as of late. and it seems to only be getting worse with time. my mind is a mess of confusing emotions. My drive is either drawing or sleeping. i rarely eat. I don't really enjoy games anymore. movies are dull, doing art feels like I'm ripping my own limbs off. and through it all I have this nagging question. why? why bother trying to succeed in a world that p=uhses you back everytime you feel you made a little progress? why strive to reach some goal that will lead you down a path that kills you for someone elses benefit? why does this world even exist.
I get it. this is life and life isn't fair. but at the same time look at the world. take a moment forget money. forget your comfort and the fancy things you have and look at the world.
many children in this world starve everyday. die of thirst. go without education. and what for? all so money hungry humans can abuse their natural resources and earn money. to be powerful.
now look at religion. no religion in it's base concept isn't evil. but it is corrupt. how many times has someone killed in their gods name. or in the name of god forbid love from even being practiced in the case of same sex and other unconventional marriage.
and finally look at yourself. you know this stuff is wrong. but you also know there is going to be a backlash against you if you say anything. this is why I hate this world. this world where I live. this world where humans hurt humans. where your goals in the long run don't really matter. because in the end nothing is worth anything. all art and word will fade. all names will be forgotten. hell even this language will eventually die and become something new.
and through it all I shy away from the world. I hide myself in my room to avoid angry glances. to avoid contact with humans. I stare at my human face and feel disgust. and under it all a deep deep sadness.
the truth is I don't hate humans. I hate what humans choose to do with the world. they back corrupt governments under the line I can't do anything. they turn away from life saving research because bigger more rich companies pay them to do so. we turn our backs on other humans who are in need. and worse we kill each other over religion and natural resources that aren't sustainable.
with all this on my mind I have come to realize I can't draw like I use to. my artwork has become dark. and almost hateful. so I am saying this now. once my currently list of images I owe is done. I think I might be leaving FA. not because I want attention. not because I hate the site. more so because I just can't keep hope alive in a world like this. and without hope I have no reason to draw....
please do not note me or message me if you have me on other media. I do not wish to talk about this. I have said all I need to say.
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