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She's gone.
7 years ago
At about 10:30, 11/4, my mom passed away.
I'm going to be honest, I have no clue what to feel right now. I... kinda feel okay right now. I don't know if I'm in shock and it's all gonna crash down on me later, or if I'm fine because we've been bracing ourselves for almost two weeks. I know I'm relieved for her; she's never again going to be in the excruciating pain she's been suffering this past decade that she's been bound to our home, slowly degrading. It's been so god damn weird not having her in the house though.
I dunno right now. I know I'm rambling. I just kinda need to right now I guess.
We'd been visiting her every day, and my sister put makeup on her yesterday. She was 70, but didn't look a day over 45, I swear to god the woman didn't have any wrinkles whatsoever. She had the personality of a teenager, she loved The Walking Dead and Disney. I swear she was a Disney princess, she would have been the perfect person to base the princess on if Disney made an adaptation of The Princess and the Pea. She was painfully stubborn, and that's what killed her I think, because she refused to go to the hospital until she didn't have the mental capacity to refuse any longer; you guys can look at my previous journal for more details on that. But that stubbornness was one of her greatest assets too, and something she passed to my sister and I, and I hope we can turn it from a flaw into a boon.
God dammit, I don't want her to be gone. I just... I don't know what I want.
I know I didn't want her to be in pain, it's the only thing I've ever truly wished for her. At least that's the case now.
I'm going to be honest, I have no clue what to feel right now. I... kinda feel okay right now. I don't know if I'm in shock and it's all gonna crash down on me later, or if I'm fine because we've been bracing ourselves for almost two weeks. I know I'm relieved for her; she's never again going to be in the excruciating pain she's been suffering this past decade that she's been bound to our home, slowly degrading. It's been so god damn weird not having her in the house though.
I dunno right now. I know I'm rambling. I just kinda need to right now I guess.
We'd been visiting her every day, and my sister put makeup on her yesterday. She was 70, but didn't look a day over 45, I swear to god the woman didn't have any wrinkles whatsoever. She had the personality of a teenager, she loved The Walking Dead and Disney. I swear she was a Disney princess, she would have been the perfect person to base the princess on if Disney made an adaptation of The Princess and the Pea. She was painfully stubborn, and that's what killed her I think, because she refused to go to the hospital until she didn't have the mental capacity to refuse any longer; you guys can look at my previous journal for more details on that. But that stubbornness was one of her greatest assets too, and something she passed to my sister and I, and I hope we can turn it from a flaw into a boon.
God dammit, I don't want her to be gone. I just... I don't know what I want.
I know I didn't want her to be in pain, it's the only thing I've ever truly wished for her. At least that's the case now.
I hope everything will be ok
Your mom sounds like she was a cool, fun person, and I'm sure she's resting easy. I wish you and your family the best.
If you need to vent, you can always reach me on telegram or something.
As you've mentioned, although you feel OK about it now, it will hit you hard later. At least it did for me when my brother passed away. I knew more of what to expect by the time my father passed 5 years later.
While we don't really talk as often as we used to, I know you've mentioned in the past that your mother has been in pain for some time... so maybe it is good to think of her as not being in pain any more.