Sweetie, there is nothing wrong with venting, and if you ever need someone to listen to, or talk to, just give me a ring. I'm here for ya

While I would say that I would call you, I won't. In the heat of the moment, when I start having that panic attack, all I feel like is cutting myself off from the world and severing any ties who try to talk to me. Any person I go to feels like I am just freaking out and any group I go to feels like I am toxic.

Its always toxic. I always feel like I am toxic.

You need to learn to forgive yourself for you perceived shortcomings, Vlux. We don't feel that you're toxic. Your friends love you ;n;

I know how it feels..

:hug:

If this is how you feel you calm yourself by getting it out in the open, whether it's from shouting at the world and seeing who responds, or simply not having to repeat this to anyone you know that you would want to confide into but are too afraid or upset to confide in personally, then go for it. it's your page, if this brings you some semblance of Solace, that is your right.

As a minor fan of your ideas and antics around here, it may not be my place to say. But if I were to say anything in regards to what you have conveyed. You're not the only one in the world who feels that way, and its nothing to be ashamed about. The fact you can be introspective enough to realize that how you feel about these things is not the best or the healthiest shows a semblance of character and maturity on your part. That alone is something many people lack or downright ignore because its the harder thing to accept about oneself, that they may be flawed and need work. You are most definitely, not the worst, or even necessarily horrible, you're human, like all of us. You have strengths and weaknesses, perks and flaws, secrets and inner demons. Everyone else who seemingly talks to and wishes to interact with you sees something worthwhile.

You need to give yourself a break and realize that yes, you may not be as good as everyone else artistically, you may not be as mentally sound as everyone else if you feel these mood swings are a problem. But you are still you, and that is something no one else can copy, replicate, or do better than you. And your friends, the close ones that have probably stuck with you despite all this? They like you despite those negatives. if they can find it worthwhile to like you, surely, you can find a way to make peace with yourself about your desire for self-betterment and to overcome your fears of what seem to be self-doubt and self-loathing.

I don't know if any of this will help, but at the very least. I do hope you find some inner peace getting this off your mind so to speak.