I loved someone. I loved them so much I was willing to give them anything, absolutely anything in the world! I thought they were the one, but I messed up. I kept getting angry, getting jealous they loved someone else. I wanted them all to myself, to love them and be their special person. I would have been there for them everyday to make them feel good, make them happy when they're sad. I was going to be the one there to pick them up when they fell. But unfortunately, it wasn't enough.

They didn't understand love, they couldn't feel love, they had restricted emotions. I didn't care, I ignored this thinking I could somehow make them love. That was my choice, I take full responsibility for it, but trying to force someone to love won't work. I wasn't a good person to them. I tried making them do things because it made me happy and it was what anyone in any sort of relationship would do.

I asked them to do one small thing which would have meant the world to me, all I wanted was to be that special one to take their virginity. But in the end they fell for greed and decided to give it away to someone else because they offered them money. I couldn't take it, I'd told them this so many times and then they went and stabbed me in the back..... It hurts, I feel the searing hot knife plunge into my heart, it burns. I've felt this pain oh so many times before, and I'm not going to try loving someone who turns their back on me like this.

They said I was special, unique, that I made them feel a way nobody else did. I'm not sure if I should believe it or if it was all lies. Maybe it was true at the time but I don't feel those words to have any meaning anymore. Now they can't feel love, so they don't understand the value of virginity, but they didn't listen to how much it meant to me. As soon as I found out I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't love someone who would promise me something and then give it to someone else, like a father promising his son a car and instead buying the car for his friend.

It.... It hurts.... The pain is unbearable. I wish I'd seen it earlier, realised what this would lead to and turned back when I still could but I didn't. As always I pushed aside the truth be arrogant and chose to keep trying. I wish I could have done something, changed it somehow, but its no use. What's done is done, and once again my heart has been split in two. Every atom that makes up my beating hard, split. It feels like a small fission bomb split it in two. I though... I hoped.... I wished I'd never feel this pain again but I did. I've lost someone today who I loved dear, someone I cared for, someone I wanted to call my own. Instead, now, I'm hurt.