Hey guys, I know I've been radio silence and hard to get in contact with as of recent. This past year has been rough on me- Particularly the second half after coming back to Georgia. I've struggled after a breakup to find my sense of self and identity, and that has stretched into my art as well, making it difficult to work. It's left me overall depressed.


But this Update journal is more than just a "I'm sorry I've been gone, I'm depressed"- I've made a decision that I'm hoping will change me for the better and get me started towards me making strides to having the kind of life I'd like to have.

Because of my situation of living with James and where we live, it makes it too hard for me to get a job or even learn how to drive, and because I cannot sustain a living wage on my art any longer due to mental health problems, I spent some time looking into any options that will allow me to move forward in life- Get a job, Go to college, and Get my driver's license.

I've already signed up for classes and college and will be starting January 7th. I'll be using part of the financial aid money I have to pay back on refunds I owe. (More on this later)

The classes are all online, so I don't have to worry about transportation too much if for whatever reason my living situation doesn't work out, it shouldn't affect my school.

Speaking of living situation, that brings me to the big decision: I've decided to move back in with my family for atleast 2 months. For those of you who are well acquainted with my family relations and past experiences, I can understand the immediate flare of concern some might have with that decision.

There's a few circumstances that makes me feel less concerned about the situation not working out. 1) My youngest sister no longer lives there. (This is a big personal problem rather than an actual PROBLEM problem, but if you know my family, you'd know she's a huge source of stress.) 2) I've learned to say no to my parents more easily, and furthermore, they understand I'm currently not making money and I'm broke, so they don't ask me for money anyways. 3) If worst comes to shove, I'll just be moving back in with James. (It's not even technically a full move, I just have some clothes, a blowup mattress, my dogs and my laptop with me. Most of my stuff is still at James' and I's place.)

That all being said, the biggest decision I'll be making that affects YOU GUYS is me deciding to no longer rely on my artwork for income. I'm going to be looking for a regular paying job, and working more slowly on owed commissions. I don't know how quickly I'll find a job, especially since it's so near the holidays, but hopefully it won't take me too long.

There's a big gray area between me finding a job and how I'm going to be handling commissions and my financial situation until I get said job (or financial aid, but that will be as early as the first week of February)

It's a gray area because I want to say that I can just keep working on my art until then, but I've been struggling for months now with my art and feeling satisfied with it. I think this is the worst burnout I've ever experienced, and I think it's also because of my current identity crisis + mental state. It's all bad right now and I'm trying to force my way through it but I just want everyone to know I'm struggling that please have patience with me.

I'm not leaving the furry fandom though, if anyone's worried about that, I think I'll always be drawing furry stuff, just that I need time to make art my own again....and less of a slave to make a living, yknow? <--- My art no longer feels like its mine and I feel my growth has been substantially stunted because of that, and so that's also contributing my identity crisis. I really really hope that's understandable?

At any rate, I'm also working on getting my driver's license. My mom has for the first time ever agreed to teach me, and it's been raining the past few days which really sucks, but yea.


I'm sorry if this isn't as coherent as my usual journals are when regarding updates, I know this is kind of messy and not altogether? I'm really sorry everyone, I'm just going through....The biggest change of my life right now I feel. I'm finding myself again and building myself up and art has always been such a huge part of my identity, and even that doesnt feel like it's mine anymore.

I can't keep just drawing furry porn and feeling happy with my art and myself, so I'm just gonna take a step back from it. Atleast from it as a job.


I WILL BE GIVING PEOPLE REFUNDS/ART BACK THOUGH, I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE AND JUST DISAPPEAR!!!

I have a Discord you can join, you can message me anytime with any questions/concerns. I will do my best to respond to any messages, just know that I may not have an appropriate answer. "I don't know for sure when I can get the art/refund done." Is the best I can do at the moment, as I'm not in a situation to give you exact dates/times for anything, other than the financial aid I'll be receiving next year, I otherwise have no idea when I'll get a job, or even how much I'd make, and how quickly I'll be working through my art until I do get that job. I know that that's a frustrating non-answer, but I don't want to make empty promises I know very well might be broken.

I tend to wait to respond to notes/messages until I know I can give them some sort of update instead of "I don't know" but I know the lack of communication is even worse, so I don't want to keep doing that to people.


It gives me a lot of anxiety and genuine grief when I have no real answer to give that I think will be satisfying, but it's the truth, and I want to be transparent. I'm trying to make the changes in my life to move forward and be better, and part of that is realizing I'm not cut out for living off my artwork. As always, I will make good on my promise to give back EVENTUALLY. That is the absolute best I can say. Hell, once I get a job, I can even maybe apply for a loan to speed up the refund process- Whatever I need to do to make sure I right the wrongs I've done.


At any rate, I'll keep you guys updated- If I get a job, or if something happens, etc. I haven't made any updates lately because my updates would've been nothing but "Hey, still feeling shitty, sorry"
But this time I actually am making the steps to move towards change and I hope that in the future, when all is said and done, I can make content you guys love and adore as much as I do, and I can be happy with my art again.



For those of you wondering why it took me so long to make this decision to get a job- It's not been an ideal situation for me, and moving into my parents house only just recently became an option because my youngest sister moved out. Until now, I've had no (working) car, no drivers license (still working on this), no taxi or transportation system available for me to use to GET to a job (James works mon-fri and sometimes saturday from 8am to 6pm, and I couldn't ask him to get off work just to drive me to work immediately and then pick me up from work when he has a job he has to sleep for. It would've been too much.)

My parents said they'd agree to drive me to work until I get a license only if I lived with them, otherwise they'd be driving 20 minutes just to pick me up + however long it'd take them to drive me to my job. The town James and I live in is TINY and that's why there's no public transportation option- 2200 population small.


At any rate, that's my plan. I hope that this update fills some with ease a little, as I know my radio silence and absence has left people unnerved and worried. I'm not going to lie, I haven't been well, but hopefully 2019 will be the year of Spunky- Brand new and recreated. I'm looking forward to being happy again.