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I am going home early. Rochester did not go well. At all.
7 years ago
General
I really didn't mean to cause so much pain. I just wanted to read my book in peace.
What happened was, my grandparents and I were driving from Rochester to Ithaca to see my Aunt Sarah for her birthday. I wanted to read my book to pass the time. My grandma wanted to talk to me. Apparently, having your nose deep in a page didn't clue her in. She started asking some guff about how I felt about the dreamers. When I didn't give a deep enough answer, she *really* flew off the handle. She started shouting about how I was being selfish....oh Lord, and loads of other horrible things. She said I needed to have my intelligence tested for poor social skills, that it was sad I was still living with my parents at my age, (I'm 27,) that it was my fault my career hasn't advanced to her liking, and on, and on, and on.
My grandfather agreed with her. (Well, except for the bit about still living with my parents.) But he not only mostly agreed with her, he started giving me some long dumbcluck story about how he managed to pull himself up by his bootstraps at 7. (It had something to do with how his Dad wasn't around and how his Mom was a suicidal loon.) They really went out of their way to make me feel small. It was petty and it was cruel. What made it much worse was how they were smiling and laughing the whole time.
Well, we went to the party. We had a good time, despite everything. My cousins were happy to see me, certainly. But I talked to my Mom about what happened, and she said I should come home. She is beyond furious with them. I broke the news to them this morning. I told them I wanted to go home. I told them their behavior last night made me feel scared, that it made it difficult for me to trust them. You would think, would you not, that they would say they were sorry, and ask how they could make it up to me?
Yeah, no. They actually upped the ante. They accused me of being paranoid, and told me I needed to grow up, that I was mentally ill, and to stop being a coward. (I need to grow up now? Oh, that's funny.) They asked me why I couldn't trust them. I told them the truth- that I still haven't been able to forgive my grandfather for what he did to my Mom 12 years ago. (He tried to have her committed to a mental hospital and send us kids back home when she did a certain thing I'm not going to divulge. That, and he abandoned his family for the wolves when she was a kid, but I didn't tell him that.) They still wanted me to stay, in spite of everything. I told them I didn't feel safe staying with them anymore. Long story short, it ended with my Grandpa shouting at me to "get into your f*cking g*damn car and get the hell out of my house! And don't come back!"
Was it my fault, at least a little? After all, its not like I went on this journey with high expectations. I didn't go out of my way to be friendly or sociable with them. But no. No matter how I stack it up, it was they, not I, who chose to react the way I did.
I really don't have a lot in my life worth smiling at. Maybe that's why I go out of my way to be kind. I don't want anyone else to feel like me.
What happened was, my grandparents and I were driving from Rochester to Ithaca to see my Aunt Sarah for her birthday. I wanted to read my book to pass the time. My grandma wanted to talk to me. Apparently, having your nose deep in a page didn't clue her in. She started asking some guff about how I felt about the dreamers. When I didn't give a deep enough answer, she *really* flew off the handle. She started shouting about how I was being selfish....oh Lord, and loads of other horrible things. She said I needed to have my intelligence tested for poor social skills, that it was sad I was still living with my parents at my age, (I'm 27,) that it was my fault my career hasn't advanced to her liking, and on, and on, and on.
My grandfather agreed with her. (Well, except for the bit about still living with my parents.) But he not only mostly agreed with her, he started giving me some long dumbcluck story about how he managed to pull himself up by his bootstraps at 7. (It had something to do with how his Dad wasn't around and how his Mom was a suicidal loon.) They really went out of their way to make me feel small. It was petty and it was cruel. What made it much worse was how they were smiling and laughing the whole time.
Well, we went to the party. We had a good time, despite everything. My cousins were happy to see me, certainly. But I talked to my Mom about what happened, and she said I should come home. She is beyond furious with them. I broke the news to them this morning. I told them I wanted to go home. I told them their behavior last night made me feel scared, that it made it difficult for me to trust them. You would think, would you not, that they would say they were sorry, and ask how they could make it up to me?
Yeah, no. They actually upped the ante. They accused me of being paranoid, and told me I needed to grow up, that I was mentally ill, and to stop being a coward. (I need to grow up now? Oh, that's funny.) They asked me why I couldn't trust them. I told them the truth- that I still haven't been able to forgive my grandfather for what he did to my Mom 12 years ago. (He tried to have her committed to a mental hospital and send us kids back home when she did a certain thing I'm not going to divulge. That, and he abandoned his family for the wolves when she was a kid, but I didn't tell him that.) They still wanted me to stay, in spite of everything. I told them I didn't feel safe staying with them anymore. Long story short, it ended with my Grandpa shouting at me to "get into your f*cking g*damn car and get the hell out of my house! And don't come back!"
Was it my fault, at least a little? After all, its not like I went on this journey with high expectations. I didn't go out of my way to be friendly or sociable with them. But no. No matter how I stack it up, it was they, not I, who chose to react the way I did.
I really don't have a lot in my life worth smiling at. Maybe that's why I go out of my way to be kind. I don't want anyone else to feel like me.
Here's a hug from me.
Like I said, If it was me in this, it would have probably gotten very confrontational.